Advice on hitting?

Question

At a toddler class today, my 2-year-old son hit a little girl in his class. I proceeded to go through our routine that we do when he hits someone: tell him "no hitting; hitting hurts!", give the person he hit a gentle touch, and ask him to apologize to the other person. I do not take him aside to do this, but I also don't make a big spectacle either.

Today, he refused to apologize. He started pouting instead. When I asked him again to apologize, another mother in the group commented, "He feels bad enough - why does he have to apologize?"

I never raised my voice, but I do speak to him sternly when he hits someone. It is my feeling that it was appropriate for him to apologize because he knows by now that it is not acceptable behavior. I know many toddlers go through this stage of hitting, but I feel like I need to be consistent in my reaction when my son acts out.

Is giving an apology appropriate for a 2-year-old or was I being too harsh to call him out in front of the group?

Answer 1

I (personally ) would have taken my son away from the others like you did, and ask him what it would feel like if someone hit him? After he told me, I would have said don't you think that's how (whoever it was he hit' name)they felt when you hit them? Then, I would have said hitting is not right, and you don't hit other people it hurts them, then I would asked him to go apologize to the child he hit, and if he decided not to, then I would have taken him home, put him in a time-out room(its one of your rooms in your house ) away from everyone for 10 inutes, then after the 10 minutes were up, I would have ask him if he was sorry for hitting?And I'm sure now he would say yes, he was  so then tell him you're proud of him for feeling sorry for hitting the other child, and that there will be no more, and it does happen again, ask him if he liked the time-out room? And leave it at that!He'll know thw the next (if there is any),what will happen,however I believe in spare the rod,spoil the child.

Answer 2

no your not being harsh. if you let them do whatever they want then they'll have control of you. and hes gonna grow that way. so you have to say whats right and whats not.

Answer 3

Yes, an apology is appropriate! It seems as though he is old enough to understand that hitting is wrong, therefore he is old enough to apologise. God, that woman interfering makes me so mad! How dare she get involved in something that was none of her business! You behaved exactly as I would - with two year olds you have to address the problem immediately, it is no good waiting until you got him home. It is not acceptable to hit anyone else and you dealt with it appropriately!

Answer 4

Oh good grief!  He is a toddler, toddlers hit.  Giving him a lecture every time is ridiculous.  He doesn't understand WHY you're pontificating for no reason.  And asking him to apologize is even more ludicrous.  You say you don't make a big spectacle of it and that is EXACTLY what you are doing.

All you have to do is take him by the hands and tell him "no" or remove him from the group, until he can behave.  There is no need to have all the drama.

Answer 5

First of all you know that everyone else always has an opinion on what you should and shouldn't do. Especially other mom's!!!!  You did what you have been practicing this whole time and the way kids learn is through repetitive behavior, if you didn't make him do it this time what is to make him think he has to apologize if it happens again. I don't feel as if you were to harsh at all, good for you.

Answer 6

you did exactly what you should do and that is be consistent.  If he got by with it once, it would lead to it happening again and again.  Just ignore what other mothers say to you.  He is YOUR child to raise the way you YOU want to raise him and you seem like a good mother.  Keep up the good work because if you can get him to apologize, and hitting is the worst thing he is doing, then you must be doing something right.

Answer 7

You should have punched the other mother and then asked if she wanted an apology or if it is ok if you just feel bad about it.

Answer 8

In my opinion you did everything right. If he's been able to apologize before, then there's no reason you can't expect him to apologize again. He, like all 2 year olds, want to be in control; therefore, by him making the choice to not apologize, he's in control. It's okay for him to make decisions, but when it comes to reprimanding, it's all you Mom! Continue what you're doing. Other Mom's should immitate what you do!

Answer 9

yes he should apologize...this is common courtesy and needs to be learned no matter how young....as for teaching him the reasoning behind apologizing then the only way i can think of is to apologize to him for random things.....like when he gets upset about time outs or no more cookies because hes already had 2...but we have to be careful here because apologies should be sincere and little johnny has to understand that he has hurt someone and thats what the apology is for....if he is not aware then the apology would be a generalization of words with no point behind them - it would just be lip service....this can impact him further in life by him learning and using lip service with no sincere truth behind it as this is a learned behavior