Advice on my dad..what do you think?

Question

I'll start from the very beginning.

When i was about 10 years old me and my mum caught my dad cheating with another women. My mum and dad split up straight away and then we found out he had actually had 7 other affairs and a baby with the lady we caught him cheating with. I fell out with my dad for around a year until we properly started talking again.

Then we met up every 5 months or so (because he moved away and works abroad).

I told him i didnt want to meet the lady but he almost pushed me into it, he invited her along when i said no and didnt tell me she was coming, with her other 2 kids and my dads kid. This was almost 7 years ago now. He does so much to hurt me, but i don't think he realises-

- i only see him 3 days a year

- says he'll give me money and doesn't

- lies to me

-doesn't call me when he's back in the UK

- when he see's us brings the other lot and completely ignores me

- skips paying money to my mum

- forced me into going to college, bribed me also and didn't even give me the money

- didn't help with costs of college which was £450

- doesn't show up when he's ment too

All of this and more. Im fed up and i emailed him the other day telling him how pissed off i was with him and he made ME feel guilty. I would rather tell him to his face but i rarely see him.. Can anyone help, i feel so **** all the time about it. also my dad earns £900 a week and says he hasnt got any money to give me. I hate him so much some times but its always me that ends up feeling guilty. please help me

Hannah

Answer 1

Ask him by email this " do you really care about me?" and when he emails back saying yes then reply you cant.You not only cheated on mum you cheated on me .You never turn  up when you are supose to and you didnt care waht i wanted to do about college and you never evenm paid for it when you wanted to.If you really care  stop lying and when we arrange something be there.Or other wise i might not even want to see you 3 days a year.  

Answer 2

From your story, it seems that your dad is not doing his job as a dad to you.  But if you're in college, you should already be able to take care of yourself no?

It's time to forgive and forget and move on with your life.  If you think having him as a dad gives you certain emotional satisfaction, then this is the only way to go.  Otherwise, just tell him to lose your number.  No need to dwell in the past, which will only make your own life miserable.

Answer 3

Okay.

Your Dad has no right to hurt you like this.

You love him, but he can't treat you like this.

Maybe you could go to a counsellor together,

but if he's not around?

I feel that your practically separate from him anyway.

I know he's your Dad,

but maybe you should just cut contact.

He's ruining your life,

And you deserve much better.

I'm sure there are a lot of better people out there for you.

You don't need him.

I hope things improve.

=]

iona

Answer 4

You shouldn't feel guilty for hating the man who hurt you and your mother, lies constantly to you and left and forced you into several things that you didn't want to do.

Forget him, he's no good. If you feel that bad, talk to him and let him know how much he has hurt you. Tell him he is your father and that he needs to take some responsibility for bringing you leaving you and now ignoring his first child. I can only suggest that you either forget him, or contact him.

Hope it helps,

John  

Answer 5

If he is issued by a court to pay family support fees he has to do it, (call the police or a court). And don't ever feel guilty about him. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about! It's him that split you family up and betrayed you. To be honest I would cut him out of your life completely, to me it sounds like you've been doing a brilliant job without him, I know its hard because he is your Dad, but if he is hurting you this much it sounds like your better off without him. You've got this far without him. You are much better than him. I don't doubt that's its bloody hard, but you've got a lot to prove and your doing an amazing job.

If you want him to talk to you, I would ignore him and see if he responds, then he wants to make an effort. If he doesn't I wouldn't even bother thinking about him, because you are clearly better than he is and by guilting you he is manipulating you, which isn't right as he's your Dad Dad's shouldn't do that.  On the other hand, if you really want to try then go to a counselling session or something, maybe if he is willing to change for you then its worth a go. But again like i said if he can't even do that for you then he isn't worth your time.

Like I said before your doing an amazing job without him, so kudos to you.

Answer 6

if he isn't paying child support get the police involved. If he is pushing you into it yell at him and start crying saying stuff how he affects your life and say you don't want to be apart of what tore your family apart because it's just going to make you mad. Say you love him, but what he did was wrong and you don't want to have to do anything of his wrong doing because it made you feel..... then tell him how what he did made you sad or depressed or something like that. I hope you get him to listen. I have never experienced this, but i am VERY good at giving advice and understanding where people are ccomingfrom.

Answer 7

Since he lied to your mother so much, you know he will lie to you. I would not like him if he was my Dad. You don't have to like him. Just

realize that he is a very selfish person and cares only for himself.

Unless the divorce decree says he has to pay your college tuition, he doesn't have to. This is absolutely not your fault. You have to just forgive him and get on with your life. You can't make him love you.

He thinks only of himself.

My suggestion is to leave him alone and don't expect money from him.

Write him a letter stating everything you dislike about him and how he has hurt you. But tell him you forgive him. Get out all your feelings on the subject. Then burn the letter in a little ceremony. Celebrate your release from him and get on with your life. Don't give him any more chances.

This happens to a lot of young people when their parents split up. You are college age and at a turning point in your life. Release and forgive

him and make a nice life for yourself.

Good luck, Hon.

Answer 8

Why are you feeling guilty, its his fault, just cut the contact, its best you get on with your own life and move on, he obviously has more responsibility towards his affairs then he has with you, hes just manipulating you to feel bad so he doesnt have to bear any difficulties.

Mine does the same thing, he argues, drinks and becomes violent, he threatened to throw a case of drinks at my mums head and then on fathers day he wants a family meal, no one talks to him so he leaves the table in a huff slamming the door to  down to the pub to fuel the fire...as if hes upset with me, Fk him to be honest, i think you need to foret the fact hes ur dad, respect is earned not just there when it suits him.

Answer 9

He's the one that left your mother and yourself.  It's painful because one still loves their parent no matter what kind of h**l they put us through.  But on the other hand YOU owe him absolutely NOTHING for him destroying you and your mom's life.  Just give your father and ultimatum, that if he doen't prove himself to you in the next little while, you won't want any contact with him ever again because those are just empy HOT AIR promises. But if your still of minor age, he owes YOU child support and your MOM allimoney.  Maybe you and your mom can get the courts involved in this.  

I know, i know easier said than done.

I wish you the best though.

Answer 10

Let him know. You will be the one,

picking his "nursing home." <}:-})