Advice on this poem?

Question

P.S. Yes there is a All along the watchtower reference

On Going h**l

Just sitting down,

Getting to thinking

Constantly shrinking,

In this f**king world

What a gem,

Problem after another

There has to be a way out of here said the joker to the theif

Only I was not joking

There has to be a way to make it stop

Answer 1

It sounds great!

Answer 2

Overall, you're on to something, here.  BUT....

The poem needs specificity.  And you can do that by developing.  Like what "problems?'  What types of problems?  War?  Mortgage forclosure?  Broken heart?  Car broke down?  You see, otherwise, you imagery is vague.  Also, where are you "sitting" ?  How are you sitting?  What are you sitting on?  Also, what are you "thinking" about?  What caused you to start thinking?  When you say make "it" stop -- What is the "it"?

I like the Dylan reference, but note how specific Dylan is (as all briliant poets are).

I also like the irony of a "gem" being an problem, but develop that metaphor.

I'm sure you have real and concrete images and sensory details in your head and imagination, now put them in the poem so that the poem becomes more meaningful and begins to take substantial shape rather than being lost in vagueness and ambiguity.

Answer 3

i like it

Answer 4

Short but it makes a makes a good point, I like it too.