Advice or help about friends?

Question

Alright, this may take awhile. First off, I'm fifteen, if that matters at all.

This whole thing started about 2 years ago when I was in grade eight. I have a good amount of friends. I'm not a loner or anything, but I do like to be alone and not bother with people, so many of you could argue that I'm anti-social.

Anyways, in grade eight I went through a period or maybe a transition and I felt very lonely all the time. I felt like none of my friends asked me to do anything outside school and that they didn't want to hang out with me. And at first I didn't really understand why. Then I began to think it was my personality and that they didn't like me as much as I though they did. I thought that they thought I was boring and didn't want to talk much. (I'm not really a quiet person but I'm not much of a conversationalist) So anyways I asked them about it and they said that there was no real reason they didn't ask me, just that they never thought to and they didn't realize they were leaving me out. (Which makes me think, am I really that unforgettable, and is that a good thing?) So after that things really looked up and I was feeling a lot better about myself. Sure, I'd still have days when I felt a little left out but most of the time I was happy and content.

This summer I've been feeling down again because none of my friends call me to do anything and it seems like they've all forgotten about me. (I should mention that I do have one best friend that is not like that at all and she really is what makes me feel better when I'm feeling sad because I know that I have at least one really good friend that I can always look to for support.. The only thing is is that she is a year older than me and she doesn't share my group of friends, she has her own also so she isn't going through what I'm feeling because she hangs out with her friends more than I do with my own.) So back to the topic.. I feel really lonely again because I haven't seen my friends in so long and I really need to see them but I'm scared to call them because I keep thinking that they don't want to hang out with me.

I must sound like a crazy lunatic but I'm really not. The thing is, I really care about my friends and I just want them to show me that they care about me too. Or at least some aknowledgement. So I guess the question is.. Do you know why I'm always feeling this way? Could I have trust issues with my friends or with myself? Should I try to contact them or something to show them that I'm still alive? Because honestly, it feels like if I just fell into a hole and disappeared, they wouldn't worry or even try to find out where I was. But I thought they cared about me. I'm sorry this is so long guys, I just really need some comfort right now.

Any advice or help is really great, but please don't tell me I'm a freak, because I'm really not.

Answer 1

You don't sound like a crazy lunatic. I can relate to you a lot...Once I went through a kind of depression and I thought that I was so boring that everyone forgot me often and left me out. :( haha I'm getting sad like that again. But really, I known exactly how you feel...a while ago, whenever I found out that my friends excluded me I would cry and wonder what was wrong with me, and if they were worth my time. But i got over that.

The key is not caring when you get left out. Just think, their loss not mine. If they don't want to be with me then I won't bother them. Once you get that attitude, you're immune to feeling bad from feeling left out. I finally have that attitude.

For the feeling lonely part...call up your friends yourself!! Why do THEY have to be the ones to call YOU? Maybe they are wondering the same thing--why isn't she calling me?? She must not like me. Take the initiative, and do something fun with your friends. One thing to do is invite them individually to your house for one-on-one time with them, and you guys will get closer. Then get a big group thing together, and it'll be fun. Once you get a bit close to your friends they'll be bound to invite you more. Maybe you spend too much time with your one best friend? And that's why you aren't close to others?

Haha that was long-winded. Hope I helped.

Answer 2

I also had a similar situation back in college..

and we have similar personalities as well.. :)  I like to go out but there are days when i just wanna gather up my thoughts and be alone for a while..

the way I see it your friends can't determine which day is which, I mean they probably want you around but they are afraid you'd say NO to a gathering or they just don't wanna get disappointed if you would say NO, or they probably assume that you wanna be alone for the day. I know it's tough because it's like your circle is turning against you. but don't take it like that, they are just probably hesitant to invite you because they aren't 100% sure you'd join.

I suggest that you would initiate the gathering, don't wait for them to invite you. If you feel like going out then go out. give them a call, hang out, catch up on things.. :)