Question:

Advice please!!! It is long please read and help me!!!

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

Me and my I guess soon to be ex gf split up. We both have kids from our past marrages. She has 3 boys and I have two. Well she felt that I should no emotions and I had issues from my past that made me do thi (bottled up). Also she talks how I didn't do things with her kids and show them that I was glad the did things like honor roll. Well it was hard when she alway stepped in and speak for them when I asked them a question about something they did and not let them speak for them selves. Well I acted distant to her cause she was all hateful to my kids at time. She say they disrespected her from the start. Her did the same. We really did communicate about these issues. We both see that our kids has issues from the past and need counciling for this. I got me and mine set up to go and got them involed in church too. We both treated our childern horribly. She said they thanked her for moving. I never told her these things until tonight cause I sat down with my boys and told them that we might get back together someday in the further. They both try to hold back like me and bottled up. I told them that it was ok to cry and we need to talk about this stuff. They talked about how she treated them and picked on my oldest sonn all the time. She and my oldest fault all the time. I figured that he was angry cause his mother abandon them 8 years ago and has not talked to them since. Well he talked about how she talk to him and try to fight him. I didn't know it. There is a differents between discipline and putting your hands on them. She also pushed my youngest in the back. They both say that her kids always say they did stuff to them and get them introuble. The say that she hated them. She cuss at them all the time. We both did that. I stopped since I asked God to come into our lives. My youngest said she went to church and cussed. I can go on and on about things she did in front of me and Lord only knows what she did behind my back. I don't know if they are telling me the truth or making it up to keep us from getting back together. Well I told her about the time she left him at school and made him walk home and I didn't tell her that the school called and complained that she cussed him out and made him walk (until today). I put it on the back burner like the past and not say anything. I remember a few monthes ago he wispered that her and her kids teased him and he was upset. She came in wanting to know what he was say all defensive. He cried when she wouldnt let him eat the food they were having. when she heard me ask him what was going on she jumped in their and said I told him to wait. She told him that she was going to do nothing for him anymore.Things like that. I know that I am rambling. Sorry. Well after texting back and forth I talk about how she treated my kids not in all detail and she told me that I did what I did because you didnt help me with them. You never wanted to disipline yours so yeah I was mean and forceful thinking you step in. The worst I did to her kids was puddled their butts. I felt bad after wards. Once was for fighting each other, her oldest and my youngest. The other was her youngest for hitting other kids in school. Other then that I have not spank them and don't have to do mine cause they don't disrespect me. They never did while we was together. I know we both was mean from time to time to them, but when you feel that someone hated your kids you act funny too.She wants to know why in 3 years you now want to change. Now I relize alot of the reasons why I acted the way I did working all the time supporting the both of us and feeling the hate she has for my kids and she say she don't.We both are getting counciling and going to church and after we work on our kids then work on us. At first I feel it is my fault for this happening to us, but after seeing my kids both cry and say how they was treated i don't know anymore. Now I question myself what to do. Well what you think? I don't know what to think or do cause I am so wrapped up in loving her. We both are getting counciling and going to church and after we work on our kids then work on us. After talking to them tonight I am very sad, hurt, angry, and confused right not. She left with no money or place to go shacked up with a so called male friend until her apartment opens up since her mom kided her out, cause she was moving too. Always putting the blame on me. I don't know who falt it is anymore. Give me some advice please on what to do. Sorry for rambling.

 Tags:

   Report

4 ANSWERS


  1. Why fight it??? Your number one priority is your children and I wouldn't doubt what they are saying. If the children are unhappy that makes everyone in the house unhappy. You guys could remain friends but I think its time to move on and repair the damage its already caused in your childrens lives. Seeking the Lord and getting counciling is on the right track. It is wonderful that you opened the lines of communication up with your children and made them feel like they could talk to you about anything. She will find a way to work things out don't feel like this is your fault and that you should take her back out of pitty. Time to move on and work on friendship but I think nothing more should come out of this.


  2. Okay - first off, why are you even asking yourself what to do? I mean, both of you have kids, and it seems as tho you have figured out what you are doing wrong and you are trying to correct it by getting your family into Church and counseling. My question is what is she WILLING to do to make things better on her behalf? Also, pay attention to the signs that your kids are giving you. Watch how they act around her. When you get involved with a person who already has kids and you have kids as well, all of them should be treated equally. I don't have step-kids, but my husband is my 2 older children's stepfather. I have had to tell him "No favoritism" because my other kids call him daddy also. I have been in a similar situation - only it was with their bio father - constantly yelling and screaming at them, treating them disrespectfully, and doing the same with me. I pondered and pondered about staying with him, and finally said enough is enough and left.

    You will find someone who will treat you and your kids with respect. Just trust in the Lord and He will make it happen. Good luck to you and your family.

  3. First of all I think it's great that you vent on here instead of getting into a heated argument second follow your heart i think your doing the right thing and maybe she needs to understand your views and hopefully work them out together, I wish you both the best.

  4. You know, I didn't hear her accept blame for ANYTHING!! EVERYTHING appears to be your fault, the way this lady sees things!! How very unfortunute for the two of you! Listen to your children, man! Children do not lie! They will always tell the truth when it comes to being abused by an adult! They always want their Moms and Dads to be happy, and usually will Not report abuse to keep  peace in a family!! Always listen when a child tells you someone is being mean or abusive toward him, especially if you have heard this person use foul language, as in her case, and seen her treat both her children and yours bad!!!

    I would beg you to re-consider stongly getting back together with this woman--- you and your children deserve much better than that!! You are on the right road by getting into church and seeking counseling, and you will surely find someone out there who will be much more compatible for you, but in the meantime, be happy with your children!!

    Good luck!

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 4 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.