Advice?!..please....

Question

today, i did probably one of the most horrendous things in my life so far that i never thought i could have ever done. as my mother and i drove to a supermarket after i had a doctor's appointment, i told her very bravily that my older brother and her son had been abusing me for 7 years; almost 8. we froze in the middle of a sidewalk, as she burst into tears and as i did too, with people staring at us. i never thought i could tell any other soul about this, especially of the fact that i am an extremely painfully shy person. i have no idea what to do now. my brother is about to go into college. i know that he has hurt me so much in the past, and that i dont have to protect him if he obviously didnt want to protect me. my dad is (in my opinion) not a good dad! he is a bad husband to my mother, whom i feel sorry for, and screams almost everyday at our house which adds to the toxic atmosphere i live in. all of this just adds to my heartbreak. im worried for everything now, for my family, and im scared about tommorow, which is the day my mom will talk with my brother. my brother doesnt even know i spilled the beans on him today!!! im scared about his reaction, what he will say to my mom, and if he will beat me up or something for telling her! i feel so emotionally distraught, i cant even feel myself walk today. i know that my parents will always protect me, but this whole situation scares me to goosebumps and even though i know its not my fault, i feel in a weird way, haunted. unfortunetly, my mom is not american and is not good at english, and (another thing that added to my misery today) i couldnt find a good way to tell her about the sexual abuse. she wanted me to search everything even on the internet on how to sit down with a teen about his innapropriate sexual behavior. i feel so bad for my mom, and i feel bad for myself too. everyone says im the nicest person known to them, and as much as the possibly of my brother getting locked up behind bars as an adult, i'd cry for him... for some reason im never mean to anyone no matter how mean they are to me! i just... i dont know what to do. now my dad comes home from work, and tonight is the deadly chat she will have with him. im scared to death about his reaction, as well his bad attitude and personality gives me the feeling he will just cause even more chaos. im so upset that my childhood was stolen; by my own brother...

any advice i would appriciate soo much... how to talk with your child about his sexual abuse to his younger sister.

Answer 1

Oh my sweet girl, you are one of the bravest people alive to be able to share your pain.  I was abused growing up and it took me well into adult hood to share my story.  My Mother didn't believe me, and it has destroyed my family.  I'm proud of you for opening up to your Mom and then going the extra mile in helping her find ways to confront your Brother.  You should be prepared that he more than likely will deny it, but you must remain firm.  This has happended to you and you shouldn't back down.  If there are consequences legally for him remember he has chosen that for himself and maybe that is exactly what he needs to get better.  If your Brother attempts to hurt you call the cops!  Please they can take care of it much better and without the drama.  Remain stong sweetie, and please for you seek therapy to deal with your feelings and self esteem.  You whole life won't be ruined by choices you had no power to make.  It's not your fault, and you are a wonderful person.  Best of luck tomorrow, be strong.  Your not alone!

Answer 2

You have done nothing wrong..it's your brother that did the wrong..so let him worry about it..your mother needs know the details of the abuse before she can approch him...so make sure you have told her everything...there is no easy way to talk to your brother about this abuse...do you know what you want from all of this..it's important that you are strong so maybe you should have some therapy ..it will help you to get everything sorted out in your head.

Answer 3

Sweetie you are the victim I wouldnt worry about anyone at this point other than yourself. You need to find someone to talk to ie a school counselor priest or just a close friend. Your parents shouldnt hold you responsible for anything you are a younger sibling and your brother new what he was doing was wrong. Please tell your parents that you need to see a proffesional counselor  

Answer 4

Thats really sad and I'm sorry that happened. You know its not your fault and I hope you don't feel guilty. I can't tell you what to feel obviously, I can only say that after experiencing something like that, your emotions will be all over. I just hope you know, you didn't deserve it, you didn't cause it, and you did the right thing by saying the truth. It wasn't horrendous what you did, it was brave and it was right.

Your mother seems very loving and I'm sure she will do what she has to do to protect you. She is probaly going to feel guilt as well. She has to know its not her fault either.

I know your very worried right now and probaly almost in a state of shock. But its going to be okay and you'll get through this.

How old are you now? I hope that they keep your brother away from you. He does have an issue and you need to be protected from him. You can cry for him, but know that you can't change him and sometimes whats best hurts. He needs to seek out help for himself.

I'm sure your dad will be hurt and angry. I can't say how he'll react or how your brother will, but you can react by staying strong and knowing that you did the right thing.

I'm really sad once again, I feel like I wish I could have been there for you. Even though I don't know you. But once again, its nobodys fault but your brothers.

But, again, everything will be fine, you did a good thing and a right thing. So, maybe you can keep me posted and let me know how the news was taken. Its not going to be an easy road, but you turned the right way. So, don't worry.

I forgot to mention that it needs to be reported and if you can, find somewhere else to stay in the meantime. Or hopefully he just gets out of there himself. But if he gets punished, its what needs to happen.

Answer 5

i am sorry  

Answer 6

hey you shouldn't feel bad about what your older brother did to you. you should tell your mom to take you to see your doctor. just in case. you should also tell your mom that she should take your brother to the hospitals, to get him somee help. i know there is a hospital that can probably help him. it's called the oaks. it's in austin texas. i know how you feel about your dad. my dad used to be mean to me too.

Answer 7

First off coming from a man, rape I feel is the worst thing you could possible do to a woman. And what makes your situation even worse is it was your own brother. DONT worry about your mother being upset or your brother going to jail, which hopefully he will. Were you really going to live the rest of your life as a victim? Your father if he is a real man once he does find out that his baby girl was hurt will call the cops. I'm very proud of you because alot of women don't tell anyone and it ruins their life forever. What I suggest for you now is to go look in the mirror and say that your proud of yourself. And I think counseling will help also. Don't you feel like a weight has been lifted? Now if you could speak up about this, I'm telling you the sky is the limit for ya. And if things get a little too hard at home think about staying with a friend or relative you can trust. I'm so sorry for ya, but now you can start focusing on your dreams and go get them. Keep your head up kid you'll be OK.  

Answer 8

Stop feeling sorry for your mother. You did the right thing. She needed to know, no matter how hard it is for her to hear. She is your mother and needs to deal with this. She needs to figure out how to deal with this, not you. You have been abused and you need help for that. Counseling. Yur brother needs to pay for what he did to you and get help so that he understands what he did was wrong and to protect him from harming others like his own kids or his later neices and nephews. I'm sorry for your mother, but she is the parent and English or not, needs to figure out how to protect you and help you, as well as punish her son and get him help for his SICKNESS!!!!! You are the victim of sexual abuse, you need to talk to someone to help you with this trauma. Your mother needs to call the police. Yes this is your brother and her son, but he has commited a CRIME, and it is unacceptable. If you 2 let this go, he will hurt someone else eventually.

Answer 9

First off, you did the right thing.  Secondly, your mother needs to step in and be a mother and call the Police immediately.  She should not have you research sexual molestation on the internet.  Doesn't she know you've been through enough?  Why is this your responsibility?

If this abuse is true then there is no reason why your mother should have your brother in her home for one more second.  Tell your mother right now you don't want to be in the home when she has this talk with your brother.  Stay with a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, a neighbor.  Just remove yourself from the house.  This is an action your parents must take, not you.

Good luck but you've stepped in the right direction, now keep going!

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel...Don't worry, hun. You did the right thing. You should talk to your mom, sit her down, just the two of you, and ask her firmly yet softly what she's going to do. Suggest divorcing her husband if he's really that bad of a dad. Hold your head high, don't let them get to you. Take comfort in your mom. She can be more then just a mom, believe me, I know...

Answer 11

Your brother is guilty of a very serious crime, if what you say is true, you must stick to it and dont let anyone, no matter who they are, stop you from telling the whole -truth and nothing-but-the-truth.

Life will not be easy for your family from this time onwards, but it is NOT you that has caused this hardship, but your brother. You have done nothing wrong.

You done well to tell your mother, you say your father has not been a good one,but dont let this affect your story, your brother could do this to other little girls if you dont report him. You wouldnt want any other little girls to suffer would you? Do you have relatives you and your mother can stay with, if neccessary. ? Is there anyone who will protect you and your mother? If your brother is this way inclined, then, the chances are he will strike again. He must be punished, do not change your mind. I for one will be thinking of you and your mother. Good luck. You are a very brave girl. x

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