After Fiancee broke up with me 14 months ago, I am Having Second thoughts about girl I am dating 5 months?

Question

About 14 months ago, my fiancee, whom I dated for 3 years left me, stating that she needed to find herself and her individuality. Needless to say I was completely and utterly DEVASTATED!!! I really felt like she was the one I wanted to spend my life with and start a family with. It took me about 6 months to get out of the depression that I was in. I started dating again, and actually even tried Match.com, and literally went out on 20 dates within a few weeks. A few girls I even went out for a few weeks with, and then about 5 months ago, I met a beautiful new girl named Jen, and we really hit it off and seemed like we had a lot in common and have been dating ever since.Jen is beautiful and intelligent, but after 5 months I am having second thoughts. First, Jen is EXTREMELY CLINGY, and gets mad at me if I want to see my friends. Secondly, Jen is ABNORMALLY close with her family ( many times when we hang out she asks if her 14 yr old brother or sister can come along) Thirdly, she is truthfully a homebody and loves to stay home ALL THE TIME.I also have seen that when she met me she just said that she liked the things that I did just to talk to me, when in reality we have very little in common My ex-fiancee was dynamic,and outgoing, and loved to do things and get dressed up. I really see now, that maybe it is not working out with Jen, although I hate to break up with her,because she is a sweetheart. I NEED ADVICE!!!

Answer 1

You need to do what is best for you because if you stay with her you will not be doing her any good either.

Sounds like you know this girl may no be the one for you but be careful and don't compare every girl with your ex. Try to see them for the individual that they are. And if they are not right for you, move on.

Be nice about the breakup and let her know that it just won't work.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Better to know now than to know in 5 years that this is not for me. Only you can make this decision and nobody else but you. It hurts allot more when you go thru a divorce, believe me. It's Fu_ked. If you know now that you are not going to be happy then why get married.

Answer 3

If she's not right for you, then there is nothing you can do. But I hope she really isn't right for you and you're not just comparing her to your ex fiance because that's not fair. It sounds like this girl is completely your opposite and sometimes opposites just don't click. You'd be fooling yourself into thinking that things will change or maybe she will change. If you really want to give the relationship a chance, then talk to her about clingy and controlling habits with you and her family. Though you still can't expect to change her into your ideal. You either have to accept her or move on (which I wouldn't accept someone trying to control my life). But don't make it so impossible for the next one just because your expectations are high since you felt like your fiance was a good match. Give everyone a fair chance and keep looking until you find the girl who makes you feel good about being in a relationship.

Good luck. ;]

Answer 4

This happens a lot.  You are most likely right, she was being someone that she thought you would like when you first started dating.  You really don't get to see the real person for about three months.  And if she is not who she said she was when you first started dating then I'm sorry but you need to move on.  It really sounds like you know what you want out of a relationship and you know the type of person you want to be with so why waste time and/or settle?  Now, on the other hand I do believe opposites attract and can work out.  So, only you know the feelings you have for her.  Ask yourself are they real?

Good luck!

Answer 5

It takes about 6 mths to see the shinola folk cover up. They finally let down theirguardd enough for u to see the real them. You're seeing it now. She may be a sweet girl, but it doesn't sound as if she's the girl for you. You need to find someone who gives you that spark. Obviously a couch potato is not it.. for you.

Answer 6

well you have come a long way since your fiancee. but anyway talk to jen and make sure that she understands that the time that you both spend together is special. yes she is close to her family but dont give up on her. relationship is all about communication. i have been with my bf for a year and six months now. every month i will ask him if he is happy, an if there is anything about me or our relationship that needs improvment or change. so from there you both can communicate. its all about happiness and what you do to make each other happy. ask for improvment. you have to make sure that you comminucate with each other well enough for both of you to know that this needs to stop or that needs improvement. its all about the outcome of things and what she does about the way that you feel

Answer 7

I dont know if your comparing her w/ your ex as much that your ex has the personality traits that you like.

Sucks, but truth is these "warning" signs will only become more and more burdensome to you.  The longer it goes on, the more stifled you will feel.

Just be honest with yourself.  Its real hard sometimes to do whats best for yourself at the expense of someone elses feelings.  Being truthful now will save you a lot of grief later.

Answer 8

You need to just break up with her anyway. It is not fair to keep leading her on. And she lied about your common interest that is a sign right there. Your fiancee needed time and it has been some time, maybe she is ready. Have you two kept in touch? If not get a hold of her. Or maybe you just need some time to not be in a relationship as well. Everyone can benefit from time on their own especially if you are young.

Answer 9

break ups are horrible, but its even more horrific when you're deeper in a relationship that's hard to get out of with the WRONG person. so break ups are far better. if she's clingy and gets mad and has other issues that you don't like about her, then perhaps you need to slow down and continue to observe her and see if this is the kind of person you want.

Answer 10

You need to have time to find yourself too. Best advice - move on. If you want to date again, do so. But keep it casual. When you find the right girl, you'll know it. Don't give up on yourself - just the chick you're with before you leave her as devastated as you were...