After a divorce, would you ever find the right one again?

Question

I was married for 10 years the first 2 yrs were ok then life just became a routine I've been divorce now for 2 yrs and still haven't met the right one, I think I've been looking at all the wrong things, I find faults in everything I see, I have been going out with someone whom I had an understanding with and resently he told me how he truly feels, I believe I went along because I have been feeling lonely lately, but when alone I fine so many wrong things with the situation, I feel that I might hurt his feelings if I continue to spend time with him.

Answer 1

Both my wife and I were divorced and we both feel we've traded up!

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Answer 2

there is nothing that says you HAVE to be with someone.  its perfectly fine to be happy with yourself, and until you are, then you will never be happy in a relationship because you cannot rely on someone else to "complete you".

Answer 3

It is really hard after a long relationship to be alone. Many women settle because of the fear of being alone. Dont waste the time of one whom you dont see some kind of future.  

Answer 4

if it isn't right then let him go  

Answer 5

There are no guarantees, but I would certainly keep looking. It took me 4 years after my second divorce to find someone, but I am happily remarried now.

Answer 6

the world is full of people who have found love again after a divorce be positive and dont rush things:)

Answer 7

What do you mean again?  If the first one was the right one, you wouldn't be divorced!  Of course you can find someone if you open yourself up to it and not keep yourself away by finding fault with everything!

Answer 8

No, you won't.  That's why the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is higher.  We all miss being married so find someone that we think is Mr. Right and of course he isn't.  

Answer 9

You are bitter from your first one, and are upset the way it ended, he seemed like the right one for all of time. You are finding faults in others , this is b/c of looking for them. Everyone has faults. You need to change your mindset and focus on the good, and try and live with the bad, since you can`t change it. Once you have taken your inventory, the choice is yours, weigh it out and see how u feel then.

Answer 10

Only if you are looking for the "right"one. Quit looking and give yourself time..you clearly are not ready (and that is OK!)

Answer 11

world is full of ppl who loves u.

find a right one

and start all over again

Answer 12

"after divorce" i figured i didnt find the "right one" to begin with.

Answer 13

if he isn't the one then he isn't the one. You just can't force something like that. I have divorced once and have recently found someone who fits me better than I could ever imagine. I am happier now then I was at any point in my previous marriage.

Good luck and hang in there. It will happen.

Answer 14

You seem to be on the edge. Don't lose hope. You must believe that you will find that man who gets it right all the time with you. Its nice that you have a decency to care about someone else's feelings. But you can't be nice all the time. You're obviously lonely. That's fine. You can have male friends. And you can hang out with men just for the sake of hanging out as friends. Friendship with men doesn't necessarily mean a serious relationship with those men. Your routines of 10 years are now over. You have decided to take control of your life. What happened? You seem to have lost your grip. Get a hold of your life again. If something is going on that you don't like then get rid of it. And if that's too extreme then certainly you can never have too many friends now can you my lonely dear? Don't fall back into old habits. No one is perfect but there are those rare few that just click with you. You have to make those connections. You have to build them from scratch. And if lack of s*x becomes an issue then those friends I spoke to you about. They'll be there for you. Marriage isn't for everyone. If your finding faults with everything with everyone that wants to get with you then perhaps its time to put down marriage permanently. And start to live your life so that your doing the things that make you happy.

Answer 15

I just did the whole divorce thing too. People keep reminding me not to categorize all men in the same category as my ex. To give new guys a chance and start from square one without using past hangups.

Just be open-minded, enjoy being yourself, and do this: remember you will meet Mr. Right when you least expect it. You can't go looking for love; you have to let it just happen the way whatever twist of fate or God's will or whatever you want to call it wants it to happen.

In the mean time, enjoy your freedom. I sure am happy without having to report to someone!

Answer 16

I'd probably meet lots of compatible men while not knowing if they're the right one. It is like an investment that you commit to and the two of you form a team.

You just need to be careful to know what you're getting into and watch for red flags that tell you the guy could mess up everything and avoid them. Especially look out for guys that seem to be in a rush especially to have s*x. If you get no red flags, you have to look out for guys that you don't have any feelings for.

It's not easy finding the right one but it gets even harder when you don't even give a guy a chance to let you know him. You might not be ready to move on if you are too insecure or else you need someone who doesn't mind waiting for you to make up your mind within reason. Make sure you are friends who have stuff in common and can maybe work into something more and you'll know you're on the right road, at least.

Please don't get involved with someone just because you're lonely and don't like yourself. This could bring some bad men into your life and chase the good ones away. You've got to like yourself and your life and simply want to share it with someone. I used to think I was looking for my other half but then I realized when I found it that we were too dependant on each other. As soon as I felt secure, I wanted more independance and that made the guy more insecure.

You've got to be whole and the guy you meet has got to be whole too. The man you were married to wasn't the right one. I know you're going to miss your 'me' time when the right one comes along. A confident woman is irresistable. Be so confident that you won't put up with bad treatment. Find people that will appreciate you and whom you appreciate in turn.

Answer 17

You need to be whole again (aka, be happy being by yourself) before you will be happy with another person.  Been there, done that.

Answer 18

I was married for 27 years and waited for 2 years after the divorce to start dating again.  I dated some real losers!  Like you I found fault with them all and many for good reason that they were also divorced.  I finally found a man that I can stand to have around, we have a LOT in common and we've been together for almost 1 1/2 years.  It took 4 years of dating (6 years after the divorce) to find this wonderful man, don't give up.  Many people say the right guy comes along when you least expect it and that's what happened to me.  And to think I almost didn't return his call!!

Answer 19

I think the porblem might be with your feelings about yourself and being lonely. How are your relationships with your friends and family? I think that if you have an active, healthy social life, than a relationship starts off stringer, You might also think about joining a support group. they can be very helpfull.

Answer 20

there's so many fish in the sea that you can ... if given the opportunity... ALWAYS find bigger and better.

I know that sounds cliche but d**n..  with so many options out there you can always find someone better then "the right one" you had before.  It's just a matter of statistical mathematical odds.

Answer 21

You're being cautious because you have been hurt. Divorce is a big deal and it changes you. You probably will find yourself doing things you don't really want to out of loneliness, and that can get dangerous, so try to stay in touch with your feelings and be realistic.

I've been there, still there, really. Once I went through all the pain, I know I am way more cautious with whom I commit to. I also felt that I had to get to know myself as a single person, and I am different now.

Don't worry, I think you are feeling are completely normal.

Answer 22

It is possible but most divorcees fall into the trap of just wanting to be in a relationship that they settle and if you settle too much, the relationship will never work out.  You have to be patient, take it slow and not force it.  

Answer 23

Many psychiatrists say that it takes two years to get over a relationship.  That is with you working on it constantly.  I have been divorced for several years but I am being very careful because I was so hurt by my divorce.  I have learned to be happy with myself and that I don't need anyone.  I want to be with someone not need to or want to be just because I don't want to be alone.  

Take you time and don't make the mistake of staying in a relationship with someone you don't love just to be with someone.  It isn't fair to either of you.