After a separation/divorce is the best time to find friendship/relationship?

Question

I am also coming out of verbal/emotional abuse relationship. I would like to know how much time do I give myself to trust in another relationship? Going to counseling but I feel really lonely at times. I have a 15 year old daughter that still lives with her father and visit me during parts of the year we have joint custody but the physical is with him. I feel like I have been screwed over how do I get through this?

Answer 1

the best thing you can do at the moment is to continue with the counselling.. until you feel and your counsellor are in agreement that you dont need any more counselling.

a minimum of 12 months before you even consider another relationship with any one else.. you dont want to be dropping all your baggage onto the guy in a new relationship..

it will take time to work thru the issues that are before you.. and at this point in time if you get hurt from a new relationship that will only send you down hill even more..

the best thing you can do know is to concentrate on building up your relationship with your daughter.. and get that established.. cos it wont be long if not already that she will be looking for the right guy and your invaluable informations will help her avoid getting into an abusive relationship.

there are going to be times where you will feel lonely and screwed over.. but its better in some way than being in a relationship where the abuse is in front of you and having to face it every day...

work on your friends and build a better relationship with them and your daughter so that it can help you build up confidence in building up trust for when you meet somoeone for a new relationship...

all the best  

Answer 2

Going through therapy should help you.  Let your councilor know how you feel and see if he/she can help you out.  Getting away from the verbal/emotional abuse was a huge step and you are headed in the right direction.  Keep up the good work and keep your councilor informed.

Answer 3

You'll know it's time when you begin to learn from the counseling how to learn to be happy single. "Coming out of" a relationship is a rotten time to get into another. A new relationship isn't going to make you feel less screwed over. It takes time.  

Answer 4

Only you can know when to trust again. It is normal for you to be over protective of yourself. You actually need time to trust someone again, especially a man. But you also need to understand that what one man did, doesn´t mean another will do, unless you permit it. You´ve learned what you don´t want in another man again, whether it´ll be a friend or a lover. You know what you don´t want, what is not allowed, what is not proper, what is not good for you. Knowing that, you´ll only look for men that have good qualities and a good heart. I know this is easier said than done, but as you start meeting men again you´ll start to differenciate them from your ex, and you´ll realize, my god, there are good men out here!

But if your life and heart have been in pain for a while, let it cool down and give yourself some time for yourself, treat yourself and try enjoying your freedom and space. Before you know it, you´ll feel in a safer place to meet people again.

Answer 5

If you are spending a lot of time thinking about how you HAVE BEEN screwed and how lonely you are then you are definitely not ready.

When you start acting in the present and looking forward to building a great new life THEN you will be ready.

Answer 6

You can try developing a friendship with somebody now, there's no time limit. You know your heart better than anyone else does, you'll know when you're ready.

Answer 7

try to make friends, hang out with ur girls for night out and enjoy..and sometimes u may find some male friends and then start talking and start hanging out...time will come...i came out of 5 yrs engaged relationship and it took me 6 months to finally start being myself and enjoy single dating, i never tho i could do it, but i made it and loved it! So you will too....dont worry or think about it, just focus urself and hang out with ur girls friends....time will come for you...its ok to cry sometime.