After living with me for 6 months he's going back to his wife. I can't get over him what should I do?

Question

I met this guy in January and he just moved to Texas from Wyoming, he's the son of one of my Daddy's good friends. He was born in Texas but moved to Wy to work. He's married (for 7 years) with three kids, but she cheated on him and moved in with the guy she cheated on him with. It drove him crazy so he moved down here. We hit it off real well and ended up living together in a house with 2 of our friends, even though I was extremely hesitant about it but he said it would be ok. She served him divorce papers, and he let them go into default and the default hearing was set for Oct 11. We talked about having our own kids and growing old together. We got our own place 2 months ago, and I took care of him so well. I started getting this gut feeling about him and his wife, (although he promised me they would never be back together), and I looked at his phone to see that they had been talking to each other 7 to 10 times a day for 2 weeks and I confront him. He tells me that her and her boyfriend broke up and that she wants her family back, and she wants to come down to Texas. I had to move all of my stuff out of OUR house so he can go get her and move her in. (He's actually going to get her today). Everyone tells me it's for the kids, and I know he misses them, because he hasn't seen them in almost a year. I just don't know how to get past this, knowing that he's going to be with her and not me. They'll live right down the road from me, and it's going to drive me insane. Do you think it's for the kids? Once a cheater always a cheater right? I've heard all I can hear from my friends and family, they keep telling me he'll be back. I want to believe them so bad, but I feel like I'm setting myself up. Oh and not to mention, she's never worked and right now the only income she has is babysitting. I told him she's just using him because she has nowhere to live now and nobody to support her.

Answer 1

STOP............right where you said, he is going back to his ex....that should be enough for you!  PERIOD, have some dignity and self pride....hold you head up, I know it is going to be hard...but stop thinking about him being with her and no he is not coming back and yes she is using him and no its not for the kids.....PERIOD...it is because he never got over her..and she rejected him "so to speak" cheated on him and moved in with her lover....so he was devasted over what she did so he is going to prove to hiimself that he is better than what she had, I know this sounds crazy, but he is going to prove to himself that "he still has it and he is what she wants and she made a HUGE mistake", here again it has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with being a human and being used and rejected....so let it play its self out it may take a year maybe 2 or less maybe even 6 months.....but by then you will be over him and see that he USED YOU!!!!! you were a REBOUND and remember this.....it is absolutely the truth without saying, REBOUND relationships NEVER EVER work....dont take that personal but you were there when he needed you and now he has got back what he has been pining over for months now....let it be,,, he has a family and kids....move on and get yourself busy...you will be over him in no time....

Answer 2

Why do you want him back? He's working things out with his wife and fighting for his family.  If it was just for the kids then he would be a part of their life and be with you but honey he wants his wife.  You we're his pay back that's all.  Your peeps seems to be encoraging you but if he comes back you will still be his option not his priority.

Answer 3

That situation really sucks.  I'm sorry it's turned out this way but I hope it works out between you two, or that you find someone who suits you even better - you sound like a sweet girl.  Hm... well, you might want to just be there for him as a friend in the meantime.  To support him.  It seems odd to me that she comes back after that breakup, which was probably not related.  Most likely she doesn't take their marriage seriously - it's just a legal date.  They may break up, but maybe she has changed.  Don't know.  I'd tell you to be a friend to him, but don't keep your heart in it too deep for your own sake.  At the same time, don't do dating around because in his eyes you'll be like her, and even if they do break up he won't trust you.  So just be patient, as tough as that will be.  If you want, maybe suggest polygamy to him/then?  lol, sounds crazy, I know, but it works for a lot of people.  If he can legitimately love you both, why not?

Answer 4

whatever. I personally couldn't deal w/ someone that cheated on me. I put out pretty good and don't like sharing at least when I'm like married to that person. it would make me sick that's for sure. my advice is don't get involved too soo w/ someone like that again. you need to let them alone b/c it's basically you were the "rebound babe". take things slow w/ someone. no need to hurry and live together.

Answer 5

This may seem harsh, but you do need to find a way no matter how hard it is to get over him because he is scum. Even if he left his wife to be with you instead what is not to say in the long run he would simply do the same to you. Men like that are worthless no matter how good they seem. Try to realize that you deserve better and need someone committed to only you.

Answer 6

that's pretty much what you get when you take up with someone else's husband.  learn your lesson and find a better caliber of man.

Answer 7

Wow am so sorry for all the pain you feel but remember this people were married and have children together, that is a bond no one can come in between unless the two partners invite you in. You sound like a very loving lady am sure you will get someone worthy you, all the best and please move on.

Answer 8

First mistake was getting involved with someone who was not complete with his last relationship.

Go live your life and do not sit around waiting. He may or may not come back but why would you put yourself in that situation again? His first priority should always be his children first, and that will always leave you second. Find a single unattached man with NO kids to have a life with, life will be much better for you.

Answer 9

He was never really free to give you his heart. You should never start a relationship with someone in the middle of a divorce in that is separated. Let them close the book on that relationship before starting with you. Someone that is truly worth your love will not mess with your heart and brain that way. Let him go and focus on yourself. You shouldn't want to grow old with someone that will just drop his kids like that.  

Answer 10

wow! so she is just trying to brake you and him up now because her and her boyfriend is broke up also? she would not let her husband come between her and her boyfriend she left him for so that is the husband's fault. he should have scence enough to stand up for you just like she did for her boyfriend and it wasent for the kids when she left and moved in with her boyfriend. as usual woman always use the kids to get their ex's back and to brake up their ex's new relationship. he is a looser anyways if he is going to let his wife call the shots! you need to move on cuz he is still married by law anyways. the ***** will do it to him again, and again he will be looking like the ***. if i were you when that time comes i would not take him back. that is why it is not good to be messing with a married person (woman or man). until you see full proof of divorce papers that is when a person is off limits to marriage. his intentions all along was to go back to his wife, but he just wanted her to be rid of the boyfriend first and you were just someone to keep him bussy for  a while. and by the way, if you helped him get that house and you pay rent and bills dont move out of that house!! let him move out and get a home of his own for his wife and kids. you get your own man, someone who is not married or someone who dosent have a girlfriend.

Answer 11

I'm so sorry I feel for you!!

You can't force him to stay and this is what he has desided to do, the problem is he never broke up with her and he was still in love with her all along but just felt he couldnt have her cause she left for another man. I guess he may also be going back cause of the kids, but i don't think he has thought it through it will never be as it was with her the first time around..... Tread carefully he may come running back and if he does don't take him back he has made his bed let him lie in it.. Good Luck your heart will mend in time

Answer 12

don't take him back if he comes back.  

whether it was for the kids or not (that may have been an excuse), he was clearly not over his ex and he still has feelings for her and like so many women who take a cheating husband back constantly, he is hoping that she will remain faithful to him and they can renew their relationship.

you get over it by living your life and not dwelling on the past.  You acknowledge your disappointment that things didn't work out like you wanted and you move forward with your life.

there are few hard and fast rules in life but here are a few when dealing with people who have recently left a long term relationship (married or otherwise)---BTW:  these are to protect yourself/your heart, not because they have anything to do with morality or dating married men.

1.  NEVER date someone who is "going through a divorce".  Sometimes they lie, sometimes they change their mind and go back to the spouse.  The fact that they are still legally tied to another human being means that they have unfinished business with their SO and are not available for a relationship with you.

2.  BEWARE THE REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.  Someone who has just ended a long term relationship is often looking for an ego boost to make sure they are still attractive and datable.  Sometimes they are the sort of person who just can't function alone and they need to be in a relationship to feel complete.  In both cases, the new partner could be anyone, it just happened to be you because you were at the right place at the right time in their life---it's not because you are special to them or because they have any real feelings for you.  You are merely a means to an end and are temporary until their "someone better" comes along or their old SO comes back.

Good Luck.  Sorry things didn't work out like you wanted but it's time for you to forget about him and move on.  It will hurt for a while but the way you deal with it is to live your life.

Answer 13

Well move on girl there are many fishes in the sea and he is already married then leave him along trust me. Its better you start a new life with someone that is behind his past and doesn't have any kinds or wife around. Make sure he is really divorce if he tries to come back or else you will be stuck in the loop like now. & worry about yourself now go out and get pretty and enjoy life...Life its too short to be waiting around for him...

Answer 14

Forget about him. He used you for fringe benefits and emotional support. After he gets settled back in with his wife, he's going to call you and try to keep both of you in the game.Don't let him back in your life.It will only delay you in finding that someone special that you deserve.You seem to have a good heart Make sure the next guy deserves it.

Answer 15

move on, you don't need someone who cheats...... there are better men out there for you and you deserve better.

Chin up and stay positive because at the end of the day we all have to love ourselves first before we can let good love in..

Answer 16

You know what, don't even waste your time sitting around waiting on him. The best revenge for you right now is to move on. Go get your hair done, get your nails done, get some new clothes, pamper yourself and find someone who is worthy of your time and your love. Let those two play their games, she will always use those kids to get his attention and more than likely it will always work. Sweetie you have to make yourself happy and I don't think that being with him is the way to do it. I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck

Answer 17

that guy is brainwashed..just let him be and live your own happiness..don't get stuck in the middle of his extra baggage.

Answer 18

i think he probably dose still love his wife.because if he did not love her and want to be with her,it would not have drove him crazy that she was living with the other guy.move on with your life,find someone that is single not some one that is married.be smart do not I repeat DO NOT get in the middle of it.move on with your life with out him.I don't think its for his kids .i know that this was not what you wanted to hear but that's what i think.move on.you will find some one great that deserves you.  good luck

Answer 19

You don't need him. He used you. Just get rid of him and forget him. Find somebody else that is NOT married. Married men/women is off limits.

Answer 20

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Answer 21

mami move on he was not meant for you, he will keep on goin back to her if u take him , so find your self some that will be there 4 you, i wish lots of luck , dont take him back , move with your life and keep on lookin 4 mr right

Answer 22

it was a dumb situation to put yourself in anyway. He was on the rebound with you. I can already tell you without knowing you that you have low self esteem. I have been in similar situations. LET IT GO! You can not replace his feelings for her even if she is a piece of c**p!  Move on. Dont count on him coming back and if they can work it out and are both willing then you should be gald for them, they have kids who are more important to him then ANYONE else, including you. They are what matters most and having their dad back is a blessing. Thats on him if he wants to put up with her.