After my separation - my six year old has been sleeping in my bed. Is it that wrong?

Question

My ex - thinks it is totally wrong. My son does sleep in his own bed when I place him there at night - but will wander in at 1 - 2 am in the morning. I work nights - and when I am at work - he will sleep in my bed by himself - but will wake up and wander into my Mom's room at the same time (1-2am) because of a bad dream or just scared.

He is only 6 - if he was 10 - I would worry. We haven't been divorced a year yet. I did however get him a fish tank with a bright light which has helped for him to stay in his room.

At what age is it totally unthinkable?? He is a snuggler.

Answer 1

If I were you, when he came in, if it woke me up, I would walk him back to his room. Lay him down and sit with him for a few minutes. That should help out.

Answer 2

I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as it doesn't bother you. He probably just feels more secure sleeping with you- he's only 6 and there's a lot going on in his world right now.

Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with it.

My 7 year old goes to bed in his own room every night but about half the time will sneak into my bed sometime in the night.  My only rule is that he is not allowed to wake me up unless there is an emergency (after he'd come in and ask questions like "why does the sky look purple?").  Now, he just comes in, and goes right to sleep on the other side of the bed.

I'm not sure what age it will be "totally unthinkable" - puberty, for sure, but I'm guessing the "problem" will take care of itself way before then.

Answer 4

i think its ok!  your son is still adjusting to the split up and at 6, he is still a baby.  meaning he is quite young still.  if its comforting for ur son to sleep in ur bed maybe it will help him to b strong enough to sleep alone in his own bed soon!             good luck!!   :)

Answer 5

We are living in the only country in the world that expects small children to sleep in their own beds, in their own rooms, alone from the time they are born.   In other countries, children sleep in the same room with their parents until they are adults!    Even here in the U.S., in previous generations, very few children slept alone.  People had smaller houses and larger families, and most children shared a room.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting your six-year-old sleep with you if you and he are both comfortable with it.  If one of you is a kicker or snorer and the other can't sleep, then make a bed on the floor next to your bed, with an air mattress or sleeping bag.

Answer 6

well my cousin has 2 daughters age 7 tomorrow and 9 in a week and they both sleep with her at night they have never slept in there own beds

Answer 7

Its okay. Just try to wein him off of sleeping in your bed. Try getting up and walking him back to his room and helping him fall back asleep. Is this every night?

Answer 8

It sounds like he needs the comfort and security at the moment.  If you wanted to phase it out gradually, you could buy him a dream-catcher, or a toy that you could say is for safety or to guard against bad dreams and maybe when he comes into you, return to his room with him and sit with him for a little while.  But I don't think it's wrong..it's probably a way of coping and adjustment for him at the moment.

Answer 9

I think he needs you right now, maybe try "tapering" off by like placing him in his bed b4 he's totally asleep and explain, if he asks.. I wouldn't worry though unless he's like 9-10 years old and still insists on sleeping with you.. Be kind, he's scared and isn't sure of what's going on. Trust your heart and instincts on this one, everyone else will always have their opinions, but you have him... Good luck and god bless.

Answer 10

my daughter did the same thing when my husband and i separated. she was 5 years old at the time. it has to do with their security. my husband and i were able to work out our marriage after about 6 months and when we moved back in together she started sleeping in her own room again. i think the teenage years are a little much...but before then they are still children and as parents we need to be there for them.

Answer 11

I went through this exact same thing with my daughter, who is now 7.  She feels totally insecure when she has to go on overnight visits to her father's house.  The night that she returns home I can expect a middle-of-the-night visit from her.  It's just her way of trying to grab onto something secure and safe that makes her feel comfortable.  

I don't feel that, at your son's young age, there's anything wrong with him spending a few hours of the night with you.  He's so little and is reeling emotionally from the trauma of the separation.  I hope that his father will treat the situation gently and with respect for your son's feelings.  

Good luck.  These situations are never, ever easy for mother or child.

Answer 12

I think it's wrong unless you want a teenager sleeping in your bed later on. All three of my kids sleep in their own beds, including my almost 5 year old...when they used to "wander to mom's bed" mom would get her butt out of bed and take them back to their own beds  I don't want any teen agers in my bed later on.

Answer 13

I would break the habit now. Did you put him in your bed as a baby?? if so... that explains it. YOU never PUT the BABY in YOUR bed.