After reading about a zillion poems just lately, I've decided to try my hand at this....any comments?

Question

My Panama Hat

By Jonni F.

I love to wear a panama hat,

a panama hat upon my head.

Upon my head of spiky hair,

spiky hair I hold so dear.

So dear to me, this hat of straw,

of straw, or hemp and clover.

And clover, sweetest sign of spring.

spring in my step, I want to sing!

To sing a song about a hat,

a hat that just seems right .

Seems right to me, my panama,

my panama and me - a sight!

Answer 1

The lines flow, but the meter is off. Meter must be consistent. Your first and second lines are 9 beats, the third line is 8 beats, the fourth is 7 beats, etc. Find the drumbeat: 8-6-8-6, or 8-8-8-8, etc. but follow through until the end. The rhyme (or lack of it) must also be consistent.

Answer 2

I like the humor in this, technically, listen to Elaine, I count on my fingers, out loud and try not to mess it up too badly.  But I think you are on the road.  

Answer 3

I still like to wear a hemp hat, sometimes.

Answer 4

She loves to wear her Panama hat

and parade the Panama around,

clowning around with her Panama...

The Panama that walks while singing!

Sorry, could not resist.  Sptfyr's form requires  a consistent beat per line, this would not take much to fix.  Maybe wear you Panama and have your Panama get the coffee! Si.  Fix that and you have a nice, perky fun poem, that was fun to read and will be even better after editing.

Answer 5

I my self I'm a fedora kinda guy, or baseball cap to support my favorite team, but I am definitely a hat person and it was good to see an ode to a hat. You just don't see enough of those nowadays.

Your poems always seem perky to me, which I'm guessing is a reflection of your personality, so keep on writing and spread that perkiness around.

Answer 6

I love your panama Hat

and your spiky hair so dear !!

I reserve mine for bad hair days..

Answer 7

Elaine does have a point about the rhythm,,, still, it is a very fun piece.  Far and away better than I have managed thus far.

very well constructed and a fun read.  

Answer 8

Elaine is starting to sound like me.

Here is a link to a sight that explains the different meters and how they are used.  I use it a lot, and perhaps it will help you as much as it does me.

I like the format of this poem, starting a line with the end of the one before.  Ingenious.

Bout forgot the link:

http://www.uncg.edu/~htkirbys/meters.htm