Age appropiate house rules and chores?

Question

I am trying to find some suggestions for both house rules, and how to get my kids to follow them, as well as chores-other than clean their rooms that they can do. I have an 8 yo boy that is usually good, but we have a hard time getting him to pick up, or listen to us without whining, ignoring us or blaming his sister. My daughter, who will be 5 in April is following in his footsteps. If I ask her to pick up her toys she starts whining there are to many or she needs help. I have tried a number of things with them, that only seem to work a few days, if that. We have tried treats, allowance, chore charts etc. I am just out of ideas. My husband isn't the biggest help either, he just yells at them and says he's going to spank if they don't listen--that usually makes the situation worse. Anyway, I'm trying again to make house rules, a schedule and chores that everyone can follow, without going crazy or having a fit, and I'm open to just about anything at this point.

Answer 1

Start by helping them with the chores to show them it's not so bad. Like taking out the bins with them and making in fun. Packing up toys and praising them when they do so.

(Not with treats)

Answer 2

Tell them that there will be less things to pick up once you've picked them up!

Don't give mercy, or they will test and try you forever. Try giving them a low allowence once they begin to start listening to you. Have a schedule on the wall that has their name and their chores for the week. A really good idea is a whiteboard and you draw a graph:

      Sunday    Monday   Tuesday

Sara: Sweep. Pick up toys. Dust

Tom: Pick up toys. Dust.  Sweep

Yeah I can't draw a graph on here lol!

Answer 3

Consistency is the key.  And decluttering all the non-essential toys.  

We tell the kids that they only have to pick up the toys they want to keep - if they're ready for it to go to the bye-bye box, just leave it right there on the floor and I'll take care of it.

Answer 4

Make a chore chart and tell them that if they don't do it not only do they not get their allowance, that they start to lose privileges. My son is 3 and we just started a sticker chart with only 3 things on it: Picking up his toys, Putting his clothes in the hamper in his room and putting his own dishes in the sink. Keep it simple for your daughter. Picking up her toys and clothes are good for now. As each year comes add 1-2 more things. Your son should be old enough to unload the dishwasher and help take care of any pets, like feeding and giving fresh water.

Also, talk to your husband about not yelling at them, and instead just calmly telling them that they have a certain amount of time to do their chores before they lose their privileges.

Answer 5

Give them the choice either they pick it up or you pick it up........if they pick it up and put it away tyhey get to keep it if you pick it up it goes in the trash then follow through and after they loose a few things they learn mom is serious.  As my mom always said pick your battles if it is more important to get them to pick up then focus on that first and then when you get them in the habit of that move on to something else.  If you try to get a lot all at once then they get frustrated and give up which then starts the whinning.

Answer 6

My kids never want to pick up their toys or do the few chores they are expected to do either. I wait until they want to do something like go to a friends, have a friend over, watch a favorite TV show, take them skiing, etc. I tell them the activity wont happen until their toys are picked up, (or whatever chore they need to do is done). They move pretty quick when they really want something, and the complaining is at a minimum. It works well as they want to do something everyday. It also teaches them how to put priorities first before fun.

Answer 7

well, whatever you do, stick with it.  My roommate is in his 80s, and when he was a little boy, his chore was doing the dishes... even if he didn't do them right, it was his job.  Then, after awhile, he became an expert at it.  why don't you do what you say, write the house rules... but include things that you forbid them to do normally, tell them you have faith in their ability, and just let them go to it, even if its wrong... be patient with them, and say, "see this is how mommy does it" and keep encoraging them to learn, it can turn out to be fun for them... like you can also have them help you with fun chores too, like cooking, and vacuuming, and feeding the animals in the house... make them be in charge, they will be so proud of their work!

Answer 8

I'm noticing that all of these answers are really good - making sure they have chores every day and specified chores for each day of the week, but what about discipline? I've seen mothers threaten and threaten they're going to spank the child or put him or her in time out, but never follow through - that is crucial!

Unfortunately, it works differently for every child and in every environment (school - other children corrupting them) but make sure they know you're boss and "somebody's gonna get hurt reallll bad" if they do not cooperate.

...The following video is not a joke (ok, the message isn't a joke) ... watch it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcp...

Answer 9

When we were little my mom would lock our toys in a closet if we didn't pick them up.  Then she would only release one or two to us the next day.  If we didn't put them away she wouldn't give us more the next day.  If we did she would give us more each day until we started not putting them away again.  She did that for whining too, less toys and less T.V. and games until we learned to quit.

Answer 10

We use a combo of punishment and reward to get the kids to do their chores. First, if they want to go anywhere (maybe your older one) they have to do their homework and chores before they can go. Also, when they refuse to cooperate after being told several times earlier bedtimes or taking away a favorite thing (tv, etc) can sometimes help. Also, maybe a special suprise at the end of the week if they do their chores each day-maybe pizza or a trip somewhere might help also. When they do what you want them to, make sure to praise them and tell them how proud you are of them. When they refuse or throw a fit, try not to let it fluster you. Simply let them know, ok that's fine, but I guess you won't be able to _____ or that's ok, you can go to bed early if you don't want to listen. These things won't work all the time or with everyone-just some suggestions. Hang in there. And most of all-BE CONSISTENT. Try to stick to your guns and carry through and don't let them get away with things sometimes and punish them other times. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 11

Goto the store and buy a new trashcan.  If they start whinning after they are told to pick up there toys or what ever their chore is get the can out and put their toys in it.  Tell them do what they are told or you will throw their stuff away.  Don't give any of the toys back until they learn that you mean business and if they act up after that make them throw their toys in a real trashcan.

Answer 12

We call it toy jail and i am the warden of that jail.  If I discover any toy not being played with properly or put away in the right place, that toy goes to jail.  The child is told that toy is in jail, too.  That toy has one more chance.  Our jail is small and overcrowded so we are strict about what happens in toy jail! If children fight over something  or its owner fails to put it away a second time, it goes into a give-away bag and the child must take the toy into a place like Salvation Army and personally give it away. This hurts so much that the children took it seriously soon after we opened the jail.  They also learned what trying a jail break would mean; the child would get no extra chance and the toy would go straight to the give-away pile. I tell the child that some other child will love and take care of it better than he did.  The act of loosing the toy is even harder when he has to personally give it away.  I also confiscate pencils and socks that are scattered on the floor but I charge for these to be returned.  Each child has a different color of pencil and each sock has the child's initial in the toe so I can always know whose stuff it is.  If they misplace it and I find it somewhere else in the house, I will always know whose item it is and the owner must pay me one dime for every sock or pencil to be returned.  I don't believe that a child should get rewarded for doing what is expected and, in our busy and full house, taking care of your own things is simply expected.

Answer 13

i really found the book A Penny Saved helpful

http://www.amazon.com/Penny-Saved-Taking...

although i don't use the full system outlined in the book, the theory is good

I also give a lot of credit to flylady

http://www.flylady.net/

she emphasizes routines, starting where you are, and babysteps....

de-cluttering has also been a big help so that the kidds don't have too many toys and feel overwhelmed when faced with picking them up, oe putting away their clothes or whaztever.

we don't really have rules in our house per se but we do expect indoor voices to be used in the mornings or when people are sleeping, we don't run in the house, we don't hit or name call....i think thats it

my 2 year old doesn't really have set chores yet although i am trying to take advantage of him still wanting to please and i do ask him to carry his own wet diper to the pail, put his clothes in the drawers sometimes, help pick up toys....etc

my 8 year old is responsible for hanging up her wet towels after a bath, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, putting her dishes on the counter or in the sink after meals, picking up her room each day .... and she does get an allowance for these duties.

and we have worked for a long time on what it means to clean her room. we have broken it down task by task so she knows that 1st all the dirty clothes are put in the hamper, then clean clothes are put away, then the bed is made, then toys are put away, then books....so she knows how to do it little by little

piking up as we go is something that helps too....we do several "quick cleans" each day....one in the morning or early afternoon and another before bed

if we leave a room and we're not going back in there for a while we'll pick up whatever has been strewed out first

8 is a tough age i think, too. they're old enough to have absorbed some of the attitudes of the rest of the world about work.

it ehlps to set a good example too. my dd sees me get up most morning and before i sit down to eat, i pick up the kitchen. and without too much grumbling.

i like to let mine do anything they take an interest in. the 2 year old wipes up most of his own spills and likes to spray cleaner for me.

my 8 yr old enjoys helping me load the car with stuff that i'm taking other places.

here are some links that might give you some ideas too

http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorech...

http://successfulfamilychores.com/

http://www.mes-english.com/flashcards/ch...

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/stayathom...

Answer 14

Two methods I use are this:

Make it fun. You can do this by cranking up some fun dancing tunes and the kids have to clean while the music plays. Even more fun if you shut the music off and they have to be completely still until the music starts. ;-)

Another method- if first methods doesn't work- is to tell the kids to clean, then if they whine/ignore you, tell them. "That's okay. I will clean the toys up for you." And go get a trashbag. You don't have to actually throw out the toys, but put everything you pick up away for a week where they are not allowed to use them until they learn to pick up for themselves.

Answer 15

Hmm my friend was fed up with the kids not picking up the toys and she calmly told them if they didnt pick them up they were going in the bin and she stuck to it. Her kids were shocked and realised she was serious so after that one time they picked up their toys.