Aggresive relationship at 16. answers please.?

Question

hello ,

am 16 and have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 months. he is a big lad and im very small. hes 19 next month. he has had a bad upbringing and his dad beat his mam when he was litle. he has beaten up lads before and has got a short temper , but has always sworn he would never touch a girl. although the past couple of weeks he has been quite agressive and he nearly smacked me in the face on saturday , it scared me so much i started shaking he laughed when i told him that he scared me and when i told him not to do it again he didnt say anything and changed the subject. he smokes weed and used to do other drugs but doesnt anymore. he has become very controling and doesnt let me drink and goes mad if i go out with my friends incase there are lads there. he is always accusing me of cheating aswell.

i dont know what to do. i dont want to finish with him because he really likes me and it would upset him. i like him too. its possible im carrying his child aswell so thats another reason not to finsh with him.

what should i do? i dont want his anger to escalate any more.but if i am pregnant i know things would get worse. but i dont want to be a single mum.

Answer 1

Get out NOW!!!!!

You wont change him.

His upbringing has taught him that this is the way women should be treated.  Sure he may have had a lousy childhood, but it shouldn't be you that pays the price for that.

Would you rather be a single parent or a battered wife bringing up screwed up kids like him???

I cant stress this enough, and I'm talking through personal experience,

GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!

Answer 2

dump the ************, you idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Any men with abusive fathers who end up having a bad temper are most likely falling down the same path. It is not his fault, but he needs help.

If you want to stay with him stay AWAY from him and try to get him into some therapy.

Answer 4

I think you have two options here:

1) If you really can't bear to lose him because you're afraid of upsetting him (which by the way isn't a good enough reason), then you should see a counsellor to help you both

2) Just leave him. Get as far away from him as you can, because people like that are bad news. It doesn't matter how much he likes you - you can find other people that care about you - you're young and have lots of time left to meet nicer people who you won't be afraid of.

Answer 5

Ok first things first why do you like him so much? He controls you, which is your words, he is probably your first boyfriend so you have nothing to compare this to.

No one has the right to make you scared. I would just leave him. If you are living together, pack up the essentials one night when he is out and leave. Go home to your parents. Tell them what is happening. If you are pregnant you will have to deal with it which ever way you see best.

Do not let this man tred you in the ground like a piece of dirt. 16 is much too young to have so much on your shoulders. You should be at school, trying make up, having crushes on boys your own age, going to see movies and worrying how to wear your hair.

I am not an old fuddy duddy, I am 24, I have been in relationships like this. All I can keep saying is GET OUT!! Would you rather be dead?? Because that is how you will end up and then you wont have to worry about being a single mum.

Stand up to him by leaving, he is a coward and a bully. If he finds you and threatens you, call the police straight away.

If you think you are pregnant go the doctor. People like him DO NOT CHANGE.

If you parents wont take you back, go to a womens refuge, go to the council, tell them what is happening.

If you need to talk about this, email me. I will respond.

Answer 6

I agree with just about everything everyone else has said.

You ar t young o be in a relatinship were you are questioning things like this.

Your a child (even though you may not think so), you dont need this....try going out with someone your own age.

I know what its like. I was in a similar situation when I was your age and dating an older boy. Get out now and move on. Its hard and it will take time to get over, but you can do it. I regret not leaving earlier.....once the agression turned into abuse, it was to late. I should of listened to everyone around me and got out of the relationship before it turned ugly.

I am 25 now and I look back and think how much I learned from that boy and how much I have grown up. I often think how stupid I was to stay with him, but I am happily in love with the most wonderful man.

It gets better. So take my advice and leave before it gets worse.

Answer 7

At 16 you may be too young to recognise the signs of domestic abuse and what to do about it. Most men are never 'born again' just like a leopard doesn't change its spots when it comes to domestic violence. Get on your bike, get rid of him and start afresh in a loving relationship not a violent one. Smoking cannibis hasn't helped him and his violent pass with his parents but this is now his make-up and he'll stay this way. Don't stick with the abuse just because you may be pregnant, he'll end up hurting your child just like he was hurt.

Prepare for 2012 and run like the wind.

Answer 8

Please sit down and think long and hard about this!

You need to follow your heart!

but everything will be ok

=]

Answer 9

Sorry to say but I don't think you should stay with him. It will only get worse(been there) It took me 7yrs to get out. As for being pregnant do your unborn a favour and get out.My son saw far too much violence in his early years.Besides,do you really want your child to grow up around drugs? You will end up with no confidence and no friends. I am 33 now and just getting my life back

Answer 10

Its not gona work out forever. Hes not 'the one' for you. Leave him

Answer 11

first of all, you need to tell him, if he doesn't change his ways, you're going, there is no way you can be in a relationship like that with your unborn child,  seriously, anything can happen, and when he calmed down, tell him your pregnant, don't suffer in silence, there's help out there for you. i suffered the same thing & i seriously wish i spoke out sooner. have you got a mum or dad to tell about this? they're there for you, so please, don't hang on, let this go & get help as soon as possible.

Answer 12

Charley,you are just asking for written confirmation of what you know you must do--DUMP HIM,before you really regret it,you make your own heaven and your own h**l.

Answer 13

u say u dont want to upset him but wot about what he is doing to u? i was with some1 who told me what to wear where i could go and what time to be in and when i spoke to my best mate he went mad as he didnt like her im pregnant and im 17 i have my family spourt its not really a start to bring up a baby with u being black and blue it will only get worse u should get out why u can what if it gets worse and worse he could kill u.

Answer 14

When I was 16, my daughter's father was the same way. I ended up trying to stay with him, and he ended up cheating and leaving me. Me and my daughter have a great relationship. If he's the way you say he is, you should get out of the relationship before it gets any worse.

Good Luck

Answer 15

Look for another boyfriend !!!!!!

Answer 16

Hmm i know you dont want to hurt him but i think you should get away from him as quick as you can!

For the sake of you and your baby.

Nobody ever wants to think that their partner would intentionally hurt them but truth is that if he's almost hit you, the temper is there and its just a matter of time before it gets worse.

And if you really cant bare to leave him then you could just sit him down and try and talk out why he loses his temper.

Good luck

Answer 17

No, he doesn't really like you. He really likes having you on his arm. That's not the same thing. You're his equal, not his pet.

When a boy/man really likes a girl he doesn't try to control her life.

When a boy/man really likes a girl he respects her right to some personal space, time and other friends.

When a boy/man really likes a girl he doesn't make false accusations about her.

When a boy/man really likes a girl he is not aggressive towards her.

Do I need to go on?

Ditch this loser, and wait until you meet someone who treats you as an equal, not as a possession.

Answer 18

Go!

Go now!

Run fast and run far!!

The relationships you have now at your age shape and mould the relationships you accept in the future.

If you accept his behaviour now then you will accept that behaviour in the future.

If you have his child he will always have a hold on you!

Set yourself some standards.  Set those standards high and don't drop those standards for any man!

Tolerate this bullying from this boyfriend and you will be beaten by every man you ever go out with.