Ahh!!! MOH help?

Question

My MOH has been nothing but awful!! She is not done a thing with the wedding and has been totally negitve. I thought by asking my oldest friend of 13 years she would be helpful and happy, but that is not the way it is. I should have asked her 6 months ago to step down, but I didnt. Now here it is 9 days before the wedding and she is MIA! She drove to Oregon 8 days ago for my bachelorette party with her boyfriend and she never attended my party. She hung out with her man the whole time! She is still on Oregon! She has not even had her dress altered (it's 10 inches too long) or paid for it!! I did...and she has not offered to pay me back. How do I ask her now to step down? I dont even want her to be a bridesmaid!! What do I do?!?!

Answer 1

I feel for you...I have had similar troubles. I too thought that my "oldest" friend would be a wise choice, not so!

I tried to tell my MOH nicely that I wanted her to only be a bridesmaid and I have found "assistance" elsewhere...however she did not understand my meaning behind it.  My advise is be blunt...make yourself clear the first time.  Tell her that you have had someone be there for you and handle the responsibilities of a MOH and you wish to give her the honor.

Personally I would still let her be a bridesmaid if she so chooses, however I would not stress one way or the other if she shows up or not.  I would appoint the new MOH and let the rest of the cards fall.  This will NOT ruin any important part of your special day. You have the support you need and that is what is most important!

Good luck and enjoy the wedding.

Answer 2

I would tell her exactly what you just told all of us: ALL of the things that she hasn't done for you and how she's not there for you.

Answer 3

this close to the wedding, inform another bridesmaid that she may need to be a stand-in MOH.

good luck!

Answer 4

first i want to say im so sorry . I know exactyly how you feel. do you have another person that you can put in her place? I would just tell her this is your day and you don't have time for the bullcrap... hun this is your day you don't want your beautiful day ruined.. iwishyou luck on whatever you decide hun

Answer 5

OMG I feel sorry for you. Just in case have a back up so if she doesn't show or tell her enough time before the wedding. All you want is everything to turn out great, not horrible. Your friend will regret it for the rest of her life and might hate you for that, but it's your wedding and it's your special day. So do what you think is best, but make sure to have enough time so your back up can get all she needs before the wedding and get another brides maid if you have to. Good luck

Answer 6

Don't ask her to step down, just tell her!

Just call her up or go over ask for the dress first (if she has it) and then say "since you don't seem the least bit interested in my wedding or helping out when I needed you the most in the bridal party, xyz has stepped in many many times to help me out and will stand in as my maid of honor."

Then tell her you're returning the dress that she never cared to have hemmed and she'll have to get her own outfit.

If she's a spazz, inform security and if she acts like an idiot during the wedding then have her kicked out, without anyone noticing.

All the best.

Answer 7

Leave her a message and say, "Sorry you did not make it to the bachelorette party, and I have not been able to reach you since.  I have asked Maggie to step in for you since I needed someone I could count on.  Toodles.  Hoped you enjoyed your weekend fling."

Answer 8

Nothing. That's all you can do.

You're right - you should have asked her to step down at the first sign of negative karma.

Ladies - learn from this - No matter who a bridesmaid/MOH is - sister, cousin, friend - whatever - if she has nothing but venom in her heart- tell her (don't ask her) to step down. Period.

Yeah this is like really awful. But there's nothing you can do at this point.

IF - and it's doubtful - she does show up - welcome her. Let her be the MOH and not say a word. Tell her you're glad she made it. Say nothing about the cost of the dress, her not attending your party, helping out whatever. Let it sit until after the ceremony.

THEN - after the ceremony, tell her you think she's a lousy, selfish person and you would be just as glad not to have anything more to do with her - ever.

Then walk away.

As for expense etc. well, that's the price you pay for not having enough of a spine to relieve her of her duties 6 months ago. Sorry to be blunt...

As for a MOH - ask one of your other bridesmaids - like the one who really DID do things for you etc. to be the MOH.

It's OK if the attendants don't match. That's fine. Don't worry about it.

Answer 9

Sounds like she does not want to be your MOH!  She just does not want to tell you. She may also not be able to afford the dress. Maybe that is embarrasing. The only thing for sure I can say is don't let this ruin your day.  Step up now take care of it, it would be horrible if things fell apart on your wedding day.

The only thing to do now is ask her and the backup MOH out for lunch to go over wedding things.  Two things will happen, first she will have excuses to not come and just tell her at that time that the Backup is going to step up to the MOH spot and that you would like her to be in the wedding but only as a bridesmaid. Give her a deadline to getting her dress sized.  However she may just say I was not really sure what to do so this will be great.  The second link goes through the things for a MOH does. Highlight the things that need to be done.

I hope things go well for you.  Don't be afraid to sand up for yourself and what you want at your wedding.

Answer 10

Go for your backup, and just let that one GO. She sounds like a train wreck. Maybe she's jealous, and she's subconciously trying to sabotage your wedding.

Answer 11

call her and tell her that since she seems less insterested in being int eh wedding you want to ask her to step down as the other girl deserves the title

Answer 12

Contact her right away and ask her flat out what in the world is going on? Tell her you need her to step up and get into this wedding. I don't think you necessarily want to mess up a friendship and kick her out, but if you talk frankly with her about it it might help. She might not even be aware that she's being awful. On the other hand, she might me acting this way because of jealousy. She may feel that you are getting all the attention now and subconsciously she is trying to mess thins up. In any event, you must talk, in length about this before losing a friend.

Answer 13

You already have the answer you want...she doesn't seem to want to be a part of it, so my advice is to use the back up girl and give her a big hug and a great gift to show her how happy you are for her help and support, or just tell her so.  And as for the MOH....just be up front with her and tell her how you feel.  There is a saying...and it is so true.. "when planning a wedding, that is when you find out who your true friends are"... Good luck and blessing to you.

Answer 14

Oh sweetheart, i am so sorry that your best friend has treated you like this. I think she has made her own decision by acting this way. I dont think she is worthy to call herself your friend, so doesnt deserve to be your bridesmaid. She has caused you nothing but pain and upset. I suggest you ask her outright why she has behaved this way, how would she feel if it was you acting this way for her big day? If she apologises and starts acting properly, then let bygones be bygones, but if she is rude in response then calmly tell her how upset you are that she has chosen to act this way, and that you have no choice but to remove her from your day as you cant chance her ruining the best day of your life. Its your time, i suggest she either does not care about you, or she is jealous for some reason. Eitherway - she is making her own bed, so let her lay in it!! Have a wonderful day darling you deserve it! hugs x