Alchoholic...Desparate need of help

Question

My fiance's father has been staying with us a few months now, he is an alcoholic. I was told he was going to be with us "for a bit" and that he will not drink here. This man has been drinking his whole life, and nothing has changed since he has been with us. He is still drinking, and now wants to buy a trailer to park on our lawn and live in, so he can "give us our space" yeah right, more like so he can drink in it....since I wouldnt let him live in the shed. My fiance believes his dad when he says he will stop drinking. I am at the end of my rope here. This man needs to get help, but he doesnt want to. PLEASE....does anyone know of anything I can do??? Can we force him to go to rehab if he thinks he doesnt have a problem?? I am going CRAZY literally. I lose sleep and have lost weight from not eating. Our wedding is in 6 weeks and we cant do anything because of his father always ruining our plans and drinking. PLEASE....I need ideas, advice, anything!

Answer 1

you need to to talk to your fiance and find him(his dad) a place to live away from your house. There are some options for your soon to be in-law. Take it from me I let my mom stay awhile when she got sick and shes still there 3 yrs later. It is very hard on me and my wives relationship and thank God she is not an alchoholic.You two deserve your OWN space:-)

Answer 2

kick him out. you've been supportive enough. he's a grown man and needs to learn to take care of himself.  

Answer 3

Don't let a common addict ruin your future.  Tell your fiance what his father's alcoholism is doing to you.  Trust me, if this continues I don't think you and your fiance will be together for long.  Drop him off at an AA meeting or call a rehab center to ask if you can force him to go.  Since he is an adult, I don't think you can but you can check anyway.  But don't let him live with you.  You and your fiance need to have a serious talk about making him move out.  You can support him in his endeavor to not drink so much, but he is a grown man.  You should not have to babysit him and hide bottles of whiskey to make sure he's not drinking in the house all day.  Tough love is sometimes the best love.  He needs to do this on his own.  

Answer 4

tell him you want his help with something in the wedding but its a surprise blindfold him and drive him to rehab when hes in he cant get out hopefully he can get clear before the wedding because you don't want him to come a ruin your spacial day. in the long run he will think you for helping to clear him out.

Answer 5

The only way your future father-in-law is going to stop drinking is if HE makes the decision to get help.  Unfortunately theres nothing his son or you can do to make him stop.  Forced rehab probably isn't possible, and even if it was, he'd spend at most 2 weeks there, get out and open another bottle.  What you can do for both yourself and your fiance is to check into Alanon.  You can find them online and hopefully within your local area.  It's a support group for families and loved ones of alcoholics.  They teach you all about the disease of addiction, and how to handle all the horrible stuff that goes along with it.  One thing thats most important is that they teach and support you on how to "turn your back".  Again, unfortunate, but something you'll have to learn in order to cope....it's the hardest but necessary thing.  To allow him to live with you or even on your property would only be enabling him to continue his addiction.  Beleive it or not, turning your back on him would be the kindest thing you could do....it might be the thing that would allow him to hit his rock bottom and possibly get on the road to recovery.  One thing is for sure....supporting him in any way shape or form only enables him.  You're on the right track....alcoholism destroys families and this is NOT what you need while starting a new marriage.  Google Alanon....education yourself and your fiance on the addiction first, then get the support you need (it's free btw).  This will be especially hard on your fiance, so be ready for a bumpy ride.  Don't let it break you, him or the marriage...go into it with an open mind and determination NOT to let this be a negative.  Much MUCH luck. :)