Alcohol and gambling addictions?

Question

Has anyone gone through this with someone with alcohol and gambling addictions. They like to start an argument and use that for a ticket to the bar, or they like to break up once a month? And the all the I'm sorrys just to repeat this again? I'm asking for a friend so I can copy these answers, so maybe these opinions will wake her up.

Answer 1

The worst about gambling is that it has no physical symptoms. Not on their breath, in their eyes or in their speech.  Alcoholism is different, you can tell when someones had even a little drink.  And the stench stays with them.  They smell like a drip tray at a pub.  The gambler will become a habitual liar as well.  Lies will flow freely and the worst is, they will begin to believe themselves.  Neither will see the light until they have hit rock bottom.  They will lose all their friends and family until they wake up to them selves. AA and GA will not do them any good because "I don't have a problem."  I know how hard it is for you.  Unfortunately you have to be cruel to be kind.  You can't let yourself be the safety net for her every time.  You obviously care very much for your friend, and the best you can do is be there for her when she does hit rock bottom and then be support for her.

Perhaps you could go the old ego trick.  Tell her she looks terrible and that one of your friends was surprised to hear she was only ? years old.  She thought you were 15 years older than that.  It may start her thinking.  Turn your face away from her when she talks to you close up, and say Whoa....breath!!  I really feel for you and sincerely wish you the best for both of you.  PLEASE don't let yourself be dragged down by trying to help too much.  Good Luck

Luv Les.

Answer 2

well its hard on her i can tell u that much, its hard for her to be with an alcholic and a gambler. we both know the truth that it will most likely not end in a good way. but she wont see that unless she wants to so its great that u want to give her advice not judgment, which i mean short 'comon sense' advice like 'oh dump him', ' u deserve better,' 'leave him' etc obviously if she really wanted to she would have by now so 'advice' like that is not good, its judgement. tell her to be patient, cause this person is suffering and does not have the skills to solve problems in a healthy way instead he chooses alchol and gambling to mask his real issues. the fact that he tries to fight beforehand shows it. it also shows that he needs to feel sorry for himself and by her fighting with him she gives him that. tell her to try not to fight with him, to hold her compusure. this should not be for him but for her own sanity, she knows that fighting back only stress her out and makes her feel worse so she needs to change that so she will not have any remorse or regrets. she also needs to see how she contributes to it, at times a person with an addict can easily become frustrated, scream, fight, nag etc this contributes to the whole scenerio. see he knows she is too good for him so he fights with her to bring her down to his level so he can seek revenge through his addictions. she needs to stop playing into to that. tell her she needs to see him as an individual with issues and deep rooted issues that brought him to become what he is today. tell her to see the real reality of her situation not a illusion she has created for herself about him. she needs to see him in a clear, unbiasest mind so she wont end up judging him instead of trying to understand him. tell her the truth that this relationship will be long and can be very painful at times and she needs to let herself know that and that if she wants to stay with him she is aware of all the consequences. tell her that she has to learn to become a better person for herself  to either make the relationship work or get enough courage and self-love to know when its time to let go in a loving way. she can only do so much for him but she has all the power within herself to make things better for her. tell her to look for happiness within herself not others especially her significant other cause he is a suffering fool. she needs to release that we are responsible only for ourselves and even that at times is very hard. its hard to make urself happy, to fix urself, to see urself in third perspective so if its so hard for urself to do it then its even more hard to help/fix others. she needs to understand that. also try to be there for her, try to cheer her up, tell her things will be ok one way or another cause they are.

also honey i highly recommend going to an Al-Anon meeting, i can not tell u how wonderful this meetings can be, they give u hope, courage, understanding, everything someone could need especially in her situation and go with her too.

Answer 3

both addictions are a form of depression. basicallly, even though the addictions are ruining their lives, the person feels that it's only temporary and that it's not really affecting the person they perceive themselves to be.

for example, let's say a person feels like they have a ton of unappreciated talent, but they have been unemployed for 3 years. the reality of their situation is that they are losers, but they can't reconcile that with their self-image of being a winner. they wonder why other people can't see they are a winner as well.

there's really nothing you can do in this situation. most people go through their entire lives unable to see the person they truly are, and continue to cling to their self-image, wrong as it may be. another example: a man works hard, brings home good money, provides for his family, and abuses his wife. is he a good husband? he may think so, but the evidence clearly says he is not. the excuses are boundless: I do A, B and C. D is not who I truly am. However, they have it backwards: D is who you actually are, A, B, and C are just an illusion.

so, my advice for you is: leave her alone until she hits rock bottom, help her clean up, and leave her alone again. until she comes face to face with the truth, _and believes it_, all you are doing is perpetuating her false self-image. when the time is right, you'll know. she won't only make empty promises, but she'll actively start doing the things she says she will.

Answer 4

ryum