Alcohol at weddings?

Question

I have received so many different answers, even from my parents!

I am getting married on September 6.

The thing is: My fiance and I are both underage, so we can't drink. A majority of my family is also LDS and they don't like being around people who are drinking.

However, his family is big on alcohol (almost to an unsage degree). His brother gave me a ton of flack when I said it would be a dry wedding, and his grandpa kinda said "oh well. We'll have to go to a bar afterwards"

My MIL frequently hosts parties with alcohol and all of her friends that are attending love a good cocktail hour, and always have wine with every party.

My fiance and I unofficially decided we did not want alcohol at our wedding. We can't drink, my family (excluding my parents and 1 aunt) will not drink. I am also somewhat opposed to alcohol use (just my personal morals, but I don't care if people drink around me).

I was thinking about it, and to have alcohol there and then have some people drink, others not like drinking, etc seems WAY too complicated, so I decided to just have a flat "no alcohol" wedding. If a guest wants a drink they can always leave the party and go upstairs and order a drink from the restaurant's own bar and then drink it upstairs.

There would be more non-drinkers than there would be people drinking. My mom suggested just having wine for people who want it, but I just don't want alcohol there. I KNOW my brother in law will get drunk and my other family will be uncomfortable with it.

As guests, how would you feel if the bride and groom decided not to have alcohol of any sort at their reception?

Answer 1

I would have a happy hour sort-of -to -speak, an hour of nonalcoholic partying for the non drinking members and then the LDS people can leave and let the drinking begin for an hour of those who like to drink, if the LDS people want to stay around and see why they are taught not to drink and be the ones to drive the drunk ones home, then fine, that would be a good thing, desinated drivers who are mormons are a great things.  

Answer 2

People get very touchy about this. I do not see alcohol as necessary for having fun. Other people see offering free alcohol  You will never get a straight answer. asked a question about having a cash bar once and people said its better to have a dry wedding than have a cash bar ( http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;... ), so you may be free from the rage of some of the anti-cash bar people. I still don't quite get this since at least with a cash bar you have the option of getting a drink, but that is besides the point. You could allow just for a champ age/ sparkling cider toast. Let his family slip and extra glass or two, and your family would have an alternative. It is your wedding, and if you think offering alcohol to your guests would make the night less enjoyable for you ad the majority of your guests, it is your right to not pay. Keep in mind that if they are big drinkers, they may slip upstairs and come back down drunk anyways so make sure that you have numbers for taxis available and maybe someone to intervene if someone starts drunkenly feeling up grandma (hopefully that is a gross exaggeration). I hope your wedding goes smoothly whatever you decide!

Answer 3

while you may want to appease everyone you cant. this is a big day for you even if ur not doing it big. you want to have fond memories of this day, though you will get flack you have to go with ur heart so that ur day will be special like you want it to be and not ruined. only supportive loving people should be at ur wedding. im not saying to refuse folk who have something negative to say but there should be no oppostion. i would just let the family know ur hearts desire and stand by it. let them know you want them there but you wont stand for anyone bagging on you on ur day. that you want their love and support and its only a few hours they should be supportive enough to do it ur way and not give you flack about it.

Answer 4

It is your wedding. It is your choice.

The guests are supposed to be celebrating your marriage.  If they just want to get drunk they can do it some place else and dress more casually. You are giving a reasonable alternative to those wish to have a drink or two.  You will probably still have someone who will try to sneak in a flask or bottle.  

Answer 5

I personally would be disappointed if I was to show up at a wedding and there was no alcohol, but I like to drink.  It's your wedding and decision, but it would be appropriate to have a little something for the people that do drink. Someone may want to toast you at dinner and some people really take that serious as to having an alcoholic beverage in their hand when they toast. If you did want to have a dry wedding they do have wine that doesn't contain alcohol that you could have, but something like a wedding I would be disappointed if they didn't have any kinds of alcoholic beverages. Congrats and good luck.

Answer 6

You don't have to have alcohol at the wedding. Plain and simple. People who expect you to pay for their drinks at a wedding are just weird, in my opinion. (And I hope they spent at least $100 on your gift to cover the dinner AND all the alcohol they expect to consume.)

That being said, my caterer would not have even allowed us to have alcohol if we were underage. They are very strict on their policies. If you are underage, there is no reason for anyone to expect any booze from you. End of story.

If someone wants to go upstairs and drink, more power to them. Honestly, I don't know how people cannot go 4-6 hours without drinking. Sounds like a bunch of alcoholics to me.

Enjoy your wedding!

Answer 7

Since you asked, as a guest, I would be slightly annoyed if I went to a wedding and it was dry and I wasn't informed ahead of time.  I think it's a little selfish to decide for adults whether or not they can or cannot drink.  Just be prepared for some guests to spend more time upstairs than downstairs.

Answer 8

I think you should stick to what you want, not what everyone else wants. I not a big drinker but I do enjoy a few drinks every now and then, particularly on occasions. For me its a social thing. If I was invited to a dry wedding, I would go and have respect for the bride and grooms decision. Plus you can't drink and its probably an extra expense you don't need. If your inlaws want to go to the bar later, they are free to do that....or you might consider BYO for those who insist on alcoholic drinks? Just an idea.  

Answer 9

Hi.  You know what?  If I received an invitation to your wedding, I am either a family member, friend or co-worker.  I would be very pleased to attend your wedding.  And, personally, I have no pre-conceived notion of what a reception should be.  If you want to serve cake and punch....fine with me!  If you are having a 5-course meal....fine with me!  If, as you say, you have objections (legal and otherwise) to not serve alcohol.....fine with me!  

I think too many people judge others and have no idea why this person has chosen to do this.  You are underage....your family is LDS...case closed in my book.

Really, don't worry about it.  I would be HAPPY to go to a reception like that.  There is no reason why people should feel they have to drink in order to have a good time.

Answer 10

Ok, it's your wedding.  You say "No alcohol" then there is no alcohol!  Stand your ground, girl.

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 11

From an etiquette standpoint, there are several things going on here.

1.  It's your wedding, but presumably your parents are hosting if you are this young, so to a large extent it is not your decision but theirs.  It's their money.

2.  You are choosing to host your wedding at a time of day when people expect dinner and alcohol.  That causes lots of confusion.  A late-afternoon wedding with an evening reception in a restaurant suggests to guests that it is more formal than it sounds like you intend.  If you want to go dry, it would be more correct to have the wedding in early afternoon, say 1:30 or 2pm, when guests would expect light hors d'oeuvres, cake, and punch.

3.  Your fiance's family is being very rude by insisting on that element of the wedding if they are not paying.  

My suggestion is to hold the wedding in the early afternoon.  If you choose not to do this, then you should at least offer wine with the meal itself and a champagne toast.  No bar, no constantly flowing alcohol, just wine with dinner for those who want it and something to toast with.  No one will get drunk off a single glass, and then you've made a gesture to your new in-laws.

Best wishes!

Answer 12

Do As ur mind says

Answer 13

sounds like your mind is set and it is important to u. it is your wedding. if they cant have fun and go one night without alcohol then they have problems! leave it dry. your underage anyways which makes it make even more sense to be so. its no big deal, just let it go.

Answer 14

Well, it sounds to me like you are having a cash bar for the wedding (the bar upstairs in the restaurant).  I don't think you should feel obligated to pay for other people's drinks, but be aware that with the bar upstairs serving your guests, it will be impossible to avoid the mix of drinkers v. non-drinkers.  Talk to your venue about whether it is alright for people to bring drinks down from the bar (this will avoid people outside with coolers in the car), then let his family know either that there will be a cash bar upstairs or that they cannot have the alcohol in the reception.  

Personally, as long as there are enough non-alcoholic options, I don't see a problem with it.  Ideally, at a minimum, you would serve iced tea, fruit punch, and coffee/soda, with sparkling juice for the toasts.  Alternatively, non-alcoholic daiquiris would be cute.  

Answer 15

As a bride myself, and  guest to many a wedding, it will backfire. If you and family members do not drink then just don't drink. If excessive drinking is an issue have a bottle of white and red wine on the tables for dinner and a cash bar if your morals don't line up with paying for people to drink.

But whether it's fair or not, people will talk about the fact that you had no booze at your wedding, people will leave early and complain loudly.

You will find a lot of people upstairs and not at your wedding. You will have to live with that in the end.

A wedding is a celebration, a party, a time to do things you normally don't. I think you'd be surprised to see how many people end up having a glass of wine or to even though they never drink anywhere else.

On a personal level I disagree with anything but an open bar, I think it's tacky. Simply my personal opinion.

In the end it's up to you though and people who behave like that are being very rude and petty. As adults we should be very capable of having fun without booze and keeping your opinions to yourself, the problem is very few people can do so.

But you might want to check with your venue, they may not approve alcohol if you guys are underage, which takes the responsibility off of you guys anyway.

Answer 16

I would not do alchohal. You and fiance cant even drink and the wedding is about you guys so really their is no point. People try to make it too much about them and they need to remeber that this is your day. They can drink the day before and the day after and like you said they can go up to the bar. I would just not do it. Especially if you know mist people arent going to drink at all. Dont make a fuss over it. It will only cost more money and confusion. By the way congrats and have a happy life with your hubby!!!!

Answer 17

Geez...If your not old enough to drink, what are you doing getting married? You're soooo young. Anyway, I don't really want to be all judgemental on you. I say, It's your day, and you should do it the way you want to. I personally would prefer to have alcohol at a party/wedding, but that isn't what its all about! Tell your brother-in-law that he can have any kind of wedding he chooses, but this is your day. People may not stay as long, but it will cut your cost a lot! Do it how YOU and your fiancee want and stick to your decision. It's not worth stressing over. Let the drinkers deal with it. They're going to be there because they love you, not because you're giving them booze.

Answer 18

Who's wedding is this? You & your fiances, or your families? You've said that you two have made the unofficial decision not to have alcohol at the wedding, so there doesn't need to be anymore discussion about it. You can't please everyone - even at a wedding with the most prestigious wedding planner ever known.

As you said, people can walk upstairs and order drinks from the restaurants own bar, so it's not as if the people who want to drink will be "deprived" of alcohol.

Answer 19

I can give you a unique perspective here.  First of all, I'm a bridal consultant, and see all sorts of brides and hear about (and attend) all sorts of weddings.  I also happen to be an active member of the LDS church, so of course, I don't drink.  Like I said, I've been to lots of weddings, both LDS and non-LDS, LDS temple weddings, LDS non-temple weddings, Catholic weddings with full mass celebrated, even a few Jewish wedding ceremonies, not to mention the scores of generic Christian weddings that are held in a garden or someplace other than a church.  

Having said all that, this is YOUR wedding, it's your day, and it's your grooms day.  If you don't want alcohol there, then by all means don't have alcohol there.  You'll save yourself a heck of a bundle of money by not serving alcohol, not only in a bar tab, but most places also require you to purchase a temporary license and security if you're serving alcohol.  

I would say that about 1/2 of the non-LDS weddings I've attended have had alcohol of any sort, and less than 1/2 of those had a full blown open bar.  Most weddings I go to will serve only beer and wine to their guests.  Most people are polite enough to realize that when they attend a wedding, they are a guest, and just as you wouldn't ask your hostess for a dinner party "what's for dinner?" you don't ask or complain about alcohol at a wedding.  In my opinion, your future inlaws are being rather rude to bring it up with you, especially knowing that you and your groom don't drink.  If they don't like the fact that they can't get a drink at your reception, they can simply get one later that evening.  I certainly wouldn't go to the expense in your case.  

Good luck, and congrats on your upcoming marriage.  

Answer 20

Sounds to me like people are too focused on if there will be alcohol than you two getting married.

I personally would be fine with not having alcohol at a wedding.  I rarely drink myself and can have a great time without it.  Some people do not feel the same.

If you are both underage and most people will not be drinking, then have a dry wedding.  Why ruin your special day by having to worry about who will or will not get drunk.  As you said, the venue has a bar if they absolutely have to have it.

Good luck.