All opinions would be greatly appreciated?

Question

A Shack on Mary’s drive

On Mary’s Drive I dwell

Accompanied by few

To this day I’m the smallest shack

Mary’s drive has ever knew

Surrounding me are houses

Much bigger, much more strong

Their walls are covered in hard red brick

Material for which I long

They were shacks once long ago

This fact I know as true

Yet unlike me made out of tree

Received they materials new

Within those brick lined walls

Lies a group of their own breed

Families known as “the nation’s best”

Fill their homes with greed

A shack on Mary’s Drive

On Mary’s Drive I dwell

My walls are old and wooden

Far from an easy sell

With all these facts against me

I cannot help but grin

I’m much too old and tiny

Yet somehow I still win

Look past my broken hinges

Look through my window small

Deep within me, a group of three

They’ve close to nothing at all

As they look upon their neighbors

I look upon mine

We may not have those hard red bricks

But we’ll remain just fine

What we possess is FAMILY

And yes that is a wealth

We’ll stick together through the rain

Through sickness and through health

-ME- <33333

Answer 1

omg omg omg omg thatz way tooo cool

u go girl - u rock - that is if u done that by urself -

and what is &lt;3333

Answer 2

It really reminds me of Irish drinking songs (Mary Malone, Crooked Jack, et cetera).  I like it a lot.

There are some points in it where you try to squeeze too many syllables into the rhyme scheme, though.  For example, &#039;Deep within me, a group of three/ They&#039;ve close to nothing at all&#039;.  There&#039;s one too many syllables in the second line, but removing a word from the beginning of the line unbalances that whole line (&#039;They&#039;ve nothing at all&#039; comes up short).  I&#039;d suggest changing the word &#039;nothing&#039; to &#039;naught&#039; or something like that.

There&#039;s also &quot;To this day I’m the smallest shack/Mary’s drive has ever knew&quot;.  I won&#039;t keep messing with your poetry by suggesting corrections (it&#039;s not my place) but that&#039;s another little point of awkwardness.  

I&#039;d suggest having someone who doesn&#039;t know the poem try to read it out loud, and keep track of where they stumble.  You might be missing the lines I&#039;m talking about because you&#039;re too familiar with the material and you know the exact cadence required to shimmy around the awkward spots, but a pair of fresh eyes won&#039;t.  

Answer 3

A shack on  Mary&#039;s Drive could be anywhere. Great job!  I know the feeling and I&#039;m sure a lot of readers can relate ..Take care