All rather fast, I know. Oh well. How can I make this better?

Question

Demused-Evolution of a Poet VII

She stands at the door,

carrying all

that we owned.

It is hers by right.

"Why must you go?"

I ask, once more a child.

"Why do you leave

when I most need you?"

"I gave you a contract

signed in blood.

What begins in blood

must end in blood."

I protest but,

her eyes cut my soul.

"I would not have you

watch me die

and be reborn.

It is not a sight

for mortals, or poets."

Her fingers, vapor,

touch my cheek.

"I've stayed far too long

as it is."

Answer 1

And so she WILL be reborn... always a painful process, I know... but a worth while process in the end...

Side note: I hope you are happy with me, not sure if they are the right words but the last 5 comments I have made I have not had any misspelled words come up on the spellchecker!

Answer 2

its good! but i think you could keep at it.

Answer 3

Of course, I knew this was coming, but it still is a shock because I do not know how this will end.  Perhaps it is because of the lightness of the poet's soul that will be the death of the muse if she stays.  Does this mean that we are only blessed with a muse when we are suffering?  Or will it all turn out to be a cycle?  I cannot wait to find out.  Thank you.

Answer 4

I have never been able to include speech in my poetry, sadly. Try including some imagery to show us what is going on, not just telling us. Describe the door, describe to room, describe the mood and her tone of voice.

I'm interested in finding out what this is about though. Is it a series of poems that you are working on?