All you stay at home moms, do u ever feel...?

Question

that you are dependent for all your monetary needs on your husband, like you have no money of your "own"? Sometimes I do and that doesn't make me feel good about myself, but I don't have a choice, have to stay home to look after my baby, that's what my husband wants.

Answer 1

My partner works and I stay at home with our two children. The way I see it is I am earning the money he gets paid too because I look after our children. So it's our money, not just his.

Answer 2

Yes I do. I hate it sometimes...I mean I love my kids but, sometimes I feel like I want a job to just get away from them. That way I can actually miss them when I come home from work like my husband does. I know that sounds bad, but I really dont mean it in a mean "I hate my kids" way. Dont worry girl I am on the same boat. I know it sucks. You have the days when you are feeling like this...then there are the days when you love it because, You see that your children are soo close with you more than they are with their dad and thats rewarding.

Answer 3

No, I can't say I've ever felt that way.  You work 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.  You earn just as much respect and monetary worth, if not more than he does.  If you went to work,you'd be paying someone else to raise your child, so if they're worth the money, why aren't you?  There is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself for not getting a "paycheck"  .  And we don't get personal days and vacation time!!

Keep doing a great job!

Answer 4

Hopefully, your husband gives you access to the money?

During my first couple of years as a SAHM I felt a little guilty if I needed to go buy a pair of jeans or get makeup or anything like that. I felt like it wasn't my money to spend. You will get over that feeling and realize that it is household money. Not just the person bringing home the paycheck. I mean if that were the case your kids would be 80% more yours, right? LOL Not really, but you get what I'm saying, since you stay home with them 80% more. That obviously isn't how you feel. So why your husband feel like the money is more his? He shouldn't.

You need to talk to your husband about the way you feel. I can remember when my kids were very young and I was looking for a sweater and my husband said,"Why do you only one and the kids have like 15?" I told him how guilty I felt buying stuff and he looked shocked. He helped put my feelings at ease a lot. You really need to talk about it so you aren't feeling like this anymore.

Answer 5

Never felt that way.  I honestly think a lot of it is how the husbands treat the matter.  My husband knows that what I'm doing is work.  I keep this house clean, have dinner planned and usually ready on top of making sure our children are healthy and happy.  I run them to their activities, grocery store...  everything.  I likely do more in one day than he does.

He has never called our bank account "HIS" money.  It's always been "OUR" money.  Was I out of the house earning it?  No.  But I was making sure things here ran smoothly so HE could go make money.

If you don't want to stay home, don't.  You may start to resent your child and husband and that isn't good for anyone.  Talk to your husband and tell him how you're feeling.  Surely he doesn't want you to be miserable!  There has to be a compromise!

Answer 6

What about what you want Hun, My hubby hands his wage to me every month its always been like this since we had our twins, he gets money he needs for work and to buy lunch, he says i am the one running the home so i need the money else nothing would get done, you also need time for yourself sometimes and you need to talk to your husband about this else it will just build up inside you ..Talk !

Answer 7

No I've never felt that way because my husband and I have an arrangement.  He works, I get the money.  He gets a $20 week allowance and I since need less than that, I just buy what I want, when I want.  It doesn't add up to nearly $20/week, usually just a ball of yarn or two and that keeps me busy.

I also take care of all the finances.  His paycheque is deposited into our joint account, I pay the bills, buy the groceries, or anything the kids need.  I have Tim Card that I put $20 every two weeks on and that buys my coffees until next pay day.  As long as I have coffee, I'm a happy camper.

Answer 8

I feel really sorry for yu

Answer 9

Listen...........don't EVER feel bad for being their for your child 24/7. Moms that do this should be given top props. I have been doing it for almost eight years now and I don't regret it. Why not ask for an allowance (dont no one DARE laugh). Or if your husband wouldnt mind, why not see if there is a way to make money from home. There are TONS of ways to do that on the net. Make a blog, use google ads, pick up a hobby. Staying home does not mean you stay idle!!! Take it from an expertt!!!!

Answer 10

I have felt that way before, but I also found out it's tough out there. I went for my first full time job in six years (my youngest just started kindergarten) and was fired the first day for not looking professional enough -- doing my nails, wearing "enough" makeup or dressing up enough. It was horrible to have that woman tell me I didn't look right. She also ragged on me being dropped off for work. I had understood from the interview that I would only be in sales 1/2 time and composition 1/2 time and as we only have one vehicle, I'd hoped to set my sales time on 2-3 days a week and just be back in the comp room the rest of the time.

Apparently...no.

The whole experience made me appreciate the value of staying at home. Having said that, I will continue looking for a job to bring in more money for the family.

Back to you, is there any skill you have like writing, engineering, advertising, sales, really anything you have education and/or experience in? Is there a way you could make that into a home based business, even with a couple of clients to earn some of your own money?

Could you sell Avon -- that could get you a little pocket money with almost no work that would take you away from the baby. You could drop off catalogs in the neighborhood and give cards to friends and family with your website (they give you one) on it. Being with your baby doesn't mean staying home necessarily either.  

Answer 11

no because i am the main bill payer, which means i have to do the pay checks and then spread them out for bills and groceries and what ever...  we split the income 50/50 even though he makes the money i do more than my fair share to earn it...  

Answer 12

Yes

But, I made some of my own money selling crafts on ebay, so I could buy clothes or make up or something and not feel guilty.

Answer 13

No.......I have my own income as well and the money my husband makes is partly mine. He always cashes his payday and hands it to me so no i don't feel like you do.

Answer 14

Although I don't have a child, I felt like that this summer.  I'm a teacher and forgot to get money taken out through the year to get me through the summer.  I felt like I had to justify why I needed him to give me money for food and household supplies.  It was very irritating.

Answer 15

Not at all.  I take care of the house and all the bills so his money is my money too.  What do you mean you don't have a choice?  Everyone has a choice.  

Answer 16

No, I don't feel that way.  I do my part and my husband does his and the money is ours.  If you really want your own spending money, you could always do some home child care to give yourself a little extra.  You should speak with your husband about this though...before you end up feeling resentful.  

Answer 17

No :-) I'm not married and I have twin-babies. My 2 best friends (Jake and Becky, I live with them) work and earl really well. I stay at home and take care for 3 babies (my twins and Jake's 1yo daughter). If I don't stay at home, one of them has to stay to take care of the kids. Neither of them can do that because their job (they work together) requires a long-term work. So, my independant comes from the fact that I'm the one who decides everything for the kids. I'm 13 but I already learnt to be a mom, so it's not a problem and also, my friends trust me and let me decide everything connected to me and my babies.

Answer 18

It should be what you want and something he supports.

I do feel like I'm dependent on my husband, even more so now that I'm pregnant and can't watch after our daughter all the time, but it's what we BOTH decided, I don't want to work and he's fine with being he provider.