Almost 36 and have been with my BF for 16 months, still not in love with him...?

Question

would you walk or or stick it our a bit longer to see if those feelings can happen?

I thought I was in love with him after about 4-5 months of dating but I think it was more good s*x and therefore lust or infatuation.

The thought of dating in a small town really doesn't sound appealing but I want to get married to the right person not a guy who I am just compatible with. Shouldn't I be looking for a connection and maybe some fire or am I being too picky?

Advise please! Thanks:)

Answer 1

If you don't love him by now - chances are your not going to.  Don't settle for something less just because it's convenient.  It's not fair to you or him.  Your not being too picky.

Answer 2

I agree with Linda

Answer 3

If the feelings haven't developed in 16 months, they're not going to develop.  Some people are okay with being in a loveless marriage as long as there are other benefits, but most people want to be in love with their spouse.  It sounds like it is important to you so I would recommend you move on and keep looking.

Answer 4

You may need to move on if you have spent so much time in this relationship looking for love you wasting yours and his time but that decision is up to you good luck!

Answer 5

You're not being fair to him by staying when you don't love him.  Leave him and let him find someone that loves him back.

Answer 6

Don't do this to yourself! Love doesn't just come cause you really want it....if love comes to you it just happens! Don't put both of you into this...move on. If God has love planned in your life than thats what it'll be. Don't settle for what you have (great s*x).

Answer 7

If you don't love him, leave.  Dont drag him along

Linda

Answer 8

I'd leave. He might be a really nice guy, but if you don't have the feelings you are looking for by now, than it's probably not going to happen. Why waste both yours and his time on a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere?

Answer 9

Yes.... u should be looking for connection. Tell him str8 up how u feel. Its no sense to let his emotions linger around if you aren't in love with him and don't feel anytype of connection. When you find somebody that you love and you get that connection with then you will know to stay with him. Your getting older its time to rap things up. You should have a compatiable companion. Do urself a favor and tell him how u feel and move on... spear him his time and effort and do the same for urself! Because if not you will find urself looking for mister right 10 years from now and he will be no where to be found!

Answer 10

I can soooo relate to what you are writing.  I am 40, and have been with my current b/f for just over 18 months.  I started dating him about 1 year after my divorce, so I didn't RUSH into it, but we hit it off right away and thought I was heading in the right direction.  However, I started confiding in my friends and my mother that after all this time, I still feel like he is more my best friend and I love and care about him, but I'm not "in love."  My best friend even told me that maybe its better starting out that way.  I disagree.  I told her, don't you think I would already feel that way after 18 months?  If it hasn't happened yet, I don't think it will.  I want to end the relationship, but it is very difficult because he is a nice guy (however, not perfect).  There are many things about him that drive me crazy too!  I too am from a small town but I've been in love twice before and I want that love again...not just compatibility.  I think that having just compatibility will make the relationship fizzle out.

Good luck to you...and I hope you find that real, unconditional love!!!

Answer 11

If you are asking this so early into the realtionship probable time for you to fly! Dont waste his or your time any longer.

Answer 12

If you don't love him, you don't love him.  After 16 months, it's not worth wasting more time...

Answer 13

I don't think you're being too picky at all.  I'm younger than you and already married, but that's because I found the right person, the person I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with beyond any doubt.

You do need fire, chemistry, and passion for one another.  If you're not in love with him, I wouldn't even consider marrying him.  Matter of fact, I'd probably leave him.  Sixteen months is a long period of time to be dating someone you don't love -- especially at your age.  If you have a lot of fun together and enjoy one another's company, there is no reason you can't just be friends with him.  Go out and do things, have dinner and share activities you enjoy -- you don't have to be his girlfriend to do these things.  It's not fair to either you or him to remain together if you are not in love with one another.

Don't marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without.

Good luck!

Answer 14

YIKES!!! This is very hard, I know... Love the romantic kind that makes you feel light headed and tingly and lustful fizzles and is nothing like movies and media will have you believe because that will not sustain a relationship. However, Love of the real kind does exist but thats not just the light headed kind its the one that requires tons of work but none the less it is still love, if there is NO LOVE at all and just a comfort thing after almost 2yrs I'd say I would let it go. You can't force love. If you think its going to come hold out if you dont think so then let it end, but please don't be fooled by media's love or romantic love only concept that wont get you very far.

Answer 15

After 13 months if you have to ask this question then the answer is simple.

He isn't for you except for the occasional s***w. And that you can get from anybody.

Answer 16

Listen, I'm 35.  Maybe you and I are compatible?  Do you think you could love me?

Answer 17

Personally, I wouldn't have given it that long...if it hasn't happened before the 12 month point, it's unlikely to happen (for me).

Do what works for you...but it doesn't sound promising unless something really changes between the two of you.

Answer 18

Dump him then?

And tell him why you are dumping him

Answer 19

Cut him loose and you could regret it for the rest of your life!

Stay with him and you could regret it for the rest of your life!

TOUGH QUESTION!

My advice is to follow your heart, stay with him and do things to try and improve the "passion" and "lust" and see if you don't just fall in love!

Answer 20

If the lust has worn off already and this is how you feel, he`s not the one for you. These feelings are not found, they are either there or they aren`t.

Answer 21

then you never will do him a favour and break up

Answer 22

If you want love, then look for somone to fulfill that.

If all you want is s*x, then keep what you have until you're ready to move on.

Answer 23

If you have been with him for 16 months and you are not in love I don't think you are going to be in love.  Move on.