Alternate Wedding Ideas? No gown, no church, no bridesmaids... can this be done?

Question

Hey everyone.

I am engaged and currently planning my wedding. Problem being is I am not a typical girl, and a lot of the typical wedding customs are not something that I am interested in doing at all.

I am thinking of just getting the marriage certificate at a government building and having a big two-day reception for our families. I don't want to wear a dress or have any of the typical 'wedding roles'. Has anyone ever done this before?

How do I address the invitations to our family and friends that explains my desire to have a casual celebration versus the tradional wedding without offending anyone?

Please help.

Answer 1

The wedding is the actual ceremony (whether it be in a church or court house), the reception is basically a party, so you can have any kind that you want.  WHen you send invitations, just have them reflect whatever the mood or theme of the party will be (i.e. luau, barbecue, etc) that way there is no confusion to your guests about what to wear, setting etc.  If anyone is offended by your choice of a wedding and reception, then that's probably someone who doesn't know you well enough to understand your choices.

Sidenote:  A good friend of mine woke up one day an decided "let's get married"  they got their license and then married at the courthouse the next day.  A few months later they had a "wedding party" which consisted of having all of their family and friends at a local biker bar (with a huge outside area with stage and firepit), hired a "Phish" like band, had a pig roast and everyone drank, danced, ate and partied all night long.  She wore a boho dress (because that's her) and he wore shorts.  It was a reflection of them, thus a great, memorable event.

Answer 2

just include something on the invitation

theme : cowboy

or some such to make them realise its a theme wedding not a traditional one

sure it can be done, anything can

for me and the bf we cant make up our minds weiging the pro and cons with what to do, big-small, resception-elope, etc

the one thing we do know is

- my dress (not white but folkdress, in the really old days this what they used in europe, and i always wanted to get wed in mine)

- church, we're both religious, him more then me by the traditional view on what religious is, but i still have a strong sence of it and never imagined not being wed in a church, saying vows infront of presence of god actualy have a meaning to me

- rings will be the style of what is the norm where i grown up, which means identical engagement rings that all depending may also be used as wedding rings, and no diamonds, we're both practical and down to eart type people not the gem type

other then those three we have no idea what we want to do yet, because there are pro and cons with everything, what neither want is the 300+ guests ones though ...so big to us is more medium small i guess lol

in the end its Your wedding day, so do what You want, because You are the one who will be living with the memories

Answer 3

My husband and I got married last July 5th.  We weren't so into all the traditional stuff either.  For a while we considered the courthouse thing, but that just wasn't us either.

We like to go camping and stuff so we found a place we had never been to that was supposed to be a really amazing place.  Since neither of us drive, we bused over to the closest town which happened to be about 35 miles away.  After spending the night in the town, we walked half way to our destination and set up camp in an "official" camp site.  Then we walked the rest of the way the following day.  We ended up going to Crabtree Lake.  It's a small pond like lake in the Cascades with some old growth douglas fir forests near by.  And it's so hard to get to that we didn't see many people going up the mountain and at a certain point stopped seeing people altogether.  We spent a day and a half there and then went to a place that was more accessible by car and camped there.  The next morning, my parents, his parents, and my pastor drove out to where we were.  We had a short, semi-Quaker wedding that lasted several minutes, and then we all drove back to my parents house to meet up with other family and some friends for our "reception."  It was great!  And I wouldn't change a thing.  Just find something you enjoy and make it into your special moment.  I wouldn't suggest just going to the courthouse, but of course I also don't know you and perhaps that's all you want.

As for invitations, we didn't do anything special.  We just told people.  I suppose if you start doing invitations, it starts looking more formal.  Whereas, if you skip the invitations, you're already starting to set a casual tone.  When I told people, I also made sure to point out that it would be casual.  As for offending people....  When I informed several people by email, two were offended, but the others weren't....  Just do your best.

Answer 4

A friend of mine has a HUGE 4th of july party every year. When she and her husband decided to get married, they made a party out of it. Invited their parents, friends, family etc. She wore a very simple green dress, sandals, and some jewelry. He wore a short sleeved button down green shirt (same color as her dress), dockers, and a pair of light tan shoes. They exchanged rings vows underneath a pretty decorated arch. It was simple. Everyone had a good time.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you.  

Answer 5

Nothing at all wrong with eloping at the courthouse and then just having a fun, casual party weekend with family and friends to mark the occasion.  In fact, I bet most people would be grateful that they didn't have to sit through all the typical wedding stuff and still get to have a good time partying with you.  In fact, why not go the extra mile and invite all your family and friends to what they think is just a regular BBQ, then "surprise" them with an impromptu wedding ceremony in the middle of the party?  I hear Faith Hill and Tim McGraw did something like that.  Sounds fun and stress free!!

Answer 6

I agree.  It's your wedding and you should have what you want.  I have a cousin that had a beach themed wedding.  She wore a grass skirt and coconut bra.  Anything goes when it's your wedding.  I would talk to the parents on both sides of the family and tell them what you want and then the rest can be told in the invitations.  

Answer 7

Nothin' wrong with being atypical. When planning something as personal as a wedding, you should always go with what feels right. If you don't want to go through the formality that is a wedding ceremony, then don't! You won't be any less married than those of us who opted for a ceremony. You're not the first to feel this way, I've known a few people who did something similar.

For the invitations, I would make them casual, and by that I mean not overly fancy. Word them in such a manner so that everyone understands it's just the reception that's happening.

Answer 8

Actually, it doesn't matter all that much if your family and friends are offended about either the way you decide to get married or if you invite anyone to see or celebrate it. It's YOUR day.

With that being said, if your friends and family are used to you being kind of non-conformist, then they should not be surprised when you plan an interesting wedding, and send out non-conformist type invitations.

Since the ceremony itself is something you'd like to be private and civil, then the invitations should say something like, "please come help us celebrate our recent marriage with a party blah blah" and then specify the type of activity so they know how to dress. They might show up in business casual, or worse, dress clothes, when you were having a pig-picking and they hadn't been told.

Have fun with both the party and the planning of the party because this is a joyful occasion that you should only have HAPPY memories about. Don't stress about what other people think.

Answer 9

On the invitations I would just put something like we would like to invite you to an informal outdoor celebration to celebrate the marriage of so and so. Of course it doesn't have to be outdoors but I am sure you get the idea.  

Answer 10

We didn't observe many of the wedding traditions we normally see at other weddings we've attended simply because we aren't that type of couple. We had no bridal party, it was on a beach instead of in a church, we walked toward the minister hand-in-hand rather than me being "given away", and lots of other things.

To me, regardless of what style of wedding a bride chooses, it should be celebrated as the very special event that it is. The details are just that, details. They don't make you more or less married than anyone else.  

Answer 11

I love the anti-traditional weddings! Just include a little note in the invitation to indicate the style of wedding that it will be.  

Answer 12

A wedding is what you make of it!  Its a joining of two people.  There are no rules besides what the government implements for the actually ceremony.

Wear what you are comfortable in,w hat you feel beautiful in, do a court house ceremony or get a justice of the peace and marry somewhere you love, like outdoors or at home.

then have a party, your own style, with the people you love.  No certain dances or cate cutting, just a big party!  

Answer 13

Why would you offend anyone?  It's not offensive NOT to have a wedding.  If you want to have a party, have just that.  Put on the invites that a civil ceremony is going to be held with a casual party to follow.  State what type of party it will be (picnic, bbq) and stress that it is CASUAL.  Even have a potluck.  It does not get any more casual than that!!

Answer 14

You won't be wearing a dress?  OMG, will this be at a nudist camp?  I suppose you can say, "clothing optional".  I think that is the way it is usually worded.  I actually have been to one of these weddings at a nude beach.  it can be done very nicely.  Good luck.

Answer 15

You don't have to do anything at your wedding different people want different things! If your dream wedding is to be in a swimsuit be in one i saw people hang from piercings threw there back to get married my wedding was in my friends front yard with just family i wore jeans and a sweatshirt and he wore shorts and a sweat shirt! no flowers or big party just a cookout and a preacher and the people who meant most to us! If anyone has a problem tell them it is your dream wedding and the only one it has to impress is you and ask them would they do there dream wedding if possible?? leave it at that! This is your day not there's as long as you are happy and satisfied then they need to be happy for you! Tell them advance that this is your dream and what you want! Address your invites as john and jane big casual 2day reception make sure you let them know what will be offered if it be beer kegs and cheeseburgers featuring the game catch the greased hog you in a pair of jeans and t shirt and him in Hawaiian shorts and a wife beater let them know to dress down nothing fancy it has been done before and will be done again!don't let anyone discourage you from your dream!

Answer 16

It it totally your day and you can make it however you envision it to be,

My fiance and I met in a bike race and we half joked about doing a bike ride with our race team, stopping at the place we got engaged and then having a breakfast "reception" for everyone at the bagel shop...lol.

I would never do it though because once I am out of bike racing gear I am a frilly foo foo girl, so we are having a fluffy wedding. I am sure we will do something spoofy the week before though. We already talked about it.

Make it a fun celebration and wear what ever you want. You sound down to earth and probably have something really special with your guy. Just be yourself.

Answer 17

Wear the clothes you wore the day you first met, you first kissed, or you first went out. Too simple? Wear the clothes you think you will be wearing 50 yrs from now so you can say that when you turn 50 you will be looking back in time when you first got married. Pick the house or location where you say you will be growing old together. A looking into the future theme.

Answer 18

You can celebrate your big day any way you choose. I think it's cool that you don't want to conform to mainstream society's ideas.

A big 2 day reception sounds fun! Go to the courthouse with all the necessary materials and have the "ceremoney" done there. Your parents may be disapointed that you're not having a traditional wedding, so you should invite them to be witnesses at the event.

As for the wedding invitations, you should say something like "Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane doe (formally *your maiden name*) would like to invite you to *insert event, be it BBQ or Dinner Party, ect* on 00/00/00 to celebrate their recent marriage." Then you would go on to write about the dates/times/locations.

You should state whether the party is casual or formal, and if you do not want wedding gifts you HAVE to say so to avoid any awkwardness (especially since you didn't have a traditional wedding). If you choose to not want to accept gifts, write something on the invite like, "In lieu of gifts, the couple would like a donation to such and such charity/fund" or something like that.

Hope this helps and congrats!