Always a bridesmaid??

Question

Ok....here is the story. My bf and I have been dating for 5 years. He has been wanting to save for a ring because he really wants to. He doesn't want to go out and buy a $40.00 ring. Since he is saving it is taking longer. Plus we wanted to finish school, start careers, etc.

We were going to get engaged this year then his sister popped up and said she was engaged after dating a guy for 2 weeks. She has become bridezilla and we don't want to be engaged at the same time nor put that financial stress on his family. So we opted to get engaged in the winter......

I found out today my brother is getting engaged within a few weeks. Between the two weddings there is no way we can get engaged and have our families help pay. (We wouldn't let them but they would insist). I just feel that every time we want to do it our siblings keep beating us. I feel really bad for my bf because everyone is starting to harass him about an engagement. I don't think its fair to him......

What would you do?

Answer 1

Don't let the family pressure you two no matter what.  Make choices you can both live with.  Don't rush because his family is putting the two of you in a corner.  Stick to your plans of finishing school and establishing careers.  Let his sister and your brother make foolish decisions with their lives.  Who really makes a lifetime committement to someone they have only know two weeks.  You get married and start a family when your ready.  Not when your feeling the crunch of pushing a certain age or the family feels like your waiting to long.  You don't want to make a decision you will regret later.  You also don't want to be waiting around for someone to get it together.  Your bf will get tired and tell them to back down.  Don't contribute to the divorce rate.  Be smart thing about your well being and future.

Answer 2

OMG! This story sound kinda familiar. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. If you guys want to get engaged, do it! If you're worried about finances from the family's, then set your date out a year or 18 months from now. That will give everyone time to adjust their pocketbooks and they can stop harrassing your bf. Seriously, don't stress about everyone else. You can't plan your happiness on everyone elses schedule. Otherwise, it won't ever happen. There's no time like the present!

Good luck and Congrats early!

Answer 3

You can always get engaged and delay the wedding.  I got engaged 3 months after my older sister, but there was no hard feelings or anything, everyone was just excited for everyone!

That being said, their wedding is coming up in 2 weeks (they were only engaged for 7 months) and our wedding is going to be November 2009.  So that they have the time to be the newly weds and my parents (who are contributing despite us insisting we don't expect them too) will have time to recoup from the first wedding.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

I agree, there is nothing wrong with announcing your engagement and setting a date for later. If this really isnt possible, then I would be suggesting to go to Las Vegas and getting married.

Answer 5

It shouldn't be a race, where people 'beat' each other, get out of that mindset.  Engagements and marriage are about the two of you, not what everybody else thinks and everybody else is doing.  Who cares if you're engaged at the same time as someone else?  If you keep waiting for no one else to be engaged so you can be the only ones, then it looks like you'll be waiting a long time, if it ever does happen.  And there's no rule that says after you get engaged you must immediately put that financial burden of planning and paying for a wedding.  Get engaged, then put off the wedding until no one else is getting married that year.

Answer 6

You can still say that you are engaged but hold off on the wedding till you are ready to get married there is nothing wrong with a long engagement.

Answer 7

Wait it out! Let people harass and ignore them. It's great you guys are understanding and considerate enough to where you are not stealing somebodies thunder.

Once your brother gets married, have him ready to pop the question. You have your whole lives, waiting a little longer wont hurt as frustrating as it is.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You do have the option of announcing your engagement and then waiting until later to get married. Book your spending so to speak. Being officially engaged is good because it shows your commitment, and as long as you have a reason then a long engagement isn't that big a deal.

You can also have a heart-to-heart with your brother and explain the problem. Perhaps a double wedding?

Answer 9

I got engaged a few days after my older brother...it turned out to be no big deal at all.  My parents helped him and they are helping me....but I was engaged for about 2 years, he was only engaged for about 9 months.

Moral of the story is, I wouldnt base the timing of my engagement off of what everyone else is doing.  Get engaged and if you have to have a long engagement to pay for the wedding, who cares?

Answer 10

i am going to  city hall for that same reason! my sister is engaged and his parents are having their first real wedding ceremony with the vow renual thing and there is nothing wrong with a 40 dollar ring i have a 69.97 temporary engagement ring until we both get out of school, Im not going to tell you to go to city hall but If you love him it shouldnt matter how you get married , it should only matter that you and  him get married and you dont have to get married right away but like i said the way you both do it should not matter just do it if you love him and he loves you

Answer 11

I think you two getting married has nothing to do with money. Usually after dating seriously for two years at least, a couple knows whether they are suited for marriage.

You two are the ones making the choices, so there are consequences to those choices. The worlds of others doesn't stop whilst you two get your act together -

And about paying for the wedding -  just pick a date, plan the type of wedding you two can afford to pay for yourselves and have that be it. Don't put ANY financial stress on the families - work things out yourselves. And maybe be satisfied with a smaller ring than is in the stars in your eyes... it's not about the bling.

I really believe you need to stop and think here -- you have some priorities mixed up somewhat.... maybe when you do your premarital counselling, you'll come to get some clarity.

Good luck to you!

Answer 12

If you are planning on getting engaged, it doesn't necessarily mean that you will be having your wedding in the same year. Let your boyfriend propose to you in his special way to make it special for the two of you.  You can be engaged and take your sweet time planning out the wedding you want.  Don't let your siblings push you out of your enjoyment of your relationship with your boyfriend.

Answer 13

If he wants to propose, he should do it, regardless of other people. You can plan the wedding date around family obligations and financial concerns, but the engagement, unlike the wedding, is really just for the two of you.

Answer 14

Your parents have no obligations to pay for anything except the rehearsal dinner for your brother's wedding.  So trying to push it off onto "the families can't help us pay for ours now" is just another cop-out.

Look, it's been 5 years.  Either get engaged or don't, but don't blame siblings or parents or anybody else.  Next thing it'll be your cousin Junie May is engaged, and then it'll be someone else's wedding, and then his sister will be pregnant .... someone else is always going to have a life event that you can use as an excuse but that's all they are - excuses.  So what if someone else is getting married in May?  There's no reason in the world you can't get engaged this weekend.  Or at Christmas.  Or whenever.  Just do it.

And if your parents want to help pay for the wedding, shut up and let them.  They know what they can afford to contribute, so let them.

Answer 15

Elope. Go have a civil ceremony, with your parents as witnesses, and tell them to spend some of the money that they would've spent on the wedding on helping you get your first home in order. They'd love that you're being so sensible, and you can have the big ceremony later. You've waited long enough. What are you going to do, postpone your own happiness every time a family member has drama? At that rate, you'll never get married!