Am I Overreacting???

Question

My fiance and I just started planning our wedding. We agreed on the date, which is only 9 months away, but that's about it. We can't agree on colour schemes, party favours, location, guest limitations, or even the general chain of events. First he says he doesn't really care, but when I voice my opinions, he always comes up with a reason for it either being unnecessary, not his style, or just not a good idea.

It's frustrating because it's all I ever think about (the planning) and it's an important event for me, but he seems to think that it's not something we should put too much thought into just yet.

Am I overreacting, or do I have reason to feel like this is going to be a giant disaster??

Answer 1

I wouldn't say that you're overreacting. It's important to know all that stuff, after all you have to plan your whole wedding based on it.  The amount of guests you have will help you to determine which location you should have, colors will help in dressing your attendants and tying your wedding together, etc. Try asking him straight out what he wants and if he still wont cooperate stress to him the importance of his input and the impact it could have on the whole outcome of your wedding. That's how I would handle it.  I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 2

I would try to gently explain to him how important the details are to you and then that most couples start planning at least a year in advance.  Most catering halls and churches book up quickly and if you could at least agree on the big details that need to be reserved, the little ones could wait a bit.

Answer 3

Planning a wedding is very stressful because you obsess over every detail wanting the day to be perfect.

My suggestion, is to hire a wedding planner and if you can't afford one then get family and friends to sit down and help you plan.

I think you should really discuss your budget and general ideas for the wedding with your fiance and then focus on the little details by yourself.

Guys really don't care about this stuff, they just want to know how much it costs and will they be comfortable and satisfied with the food unless you're marrying Colin Cowie.

Maybe the reason for his attitude is because he's trying to discourage you from spending too much, or making it into a big deal. Maybe, he's a backyard barbecue kinda guy, and he's afraid he's not going to want your big production.

Aways, just sit down and get to the root of the problem, because you really don't want to be miserable for 9 months.

Good luck and Congratulations.

Answer 4

Not really. I understand that completely. When my fiancé and I set a date he was like "I would like to dance and wear a kilt and that's all I care about" but once I started telling him about things he didn't exactly like all of my ideas (but he made many of them even better). So I laid it out on the table for him and told him how frustrating it is to just plan a wedding but also how important it was that he was involved. Even if his involvement just meant helping me decided on a tie breaker or getting really into it. It's not "my" wedding it's "our" wedding. You should tell him that because in society guys (and gals) often think of it as "the bride's day" and that is just not the case the bride isn't the only one getting married it takes two. Just speak up and express your feelings, I'm sure he'll see what you're going through and how much you really want him to help out because it's not just your wedding.

Good Luck and Congratulations

Answer 5

My husband (this is moundace's wife) seemed the same way - "It doesn't matter to me, whatever you think" and whenever I came up with an idea that I thought was cute, he didn't like it and tried to talk me out of it.  

After awhile he really didn't care.  He saw how much work I was putting into the wedding, coming up with brilliant ideas, and checking every list twice.  He just wanted me to be happy.  He'd gotten a lot of things that he wanted anyway - he asked for blue, he wanted it at his church, and he wanted his minister, which are all pretty important details.  

The main thing to remember is to HAVE FUN on your wedding day - you only get one after all!  Things will go wrong, and if they don't, what a boring wedding!!  Little things that don't go as planned will be stories to tell your children.  

Also, remember to compromise.  (Sometimes easier said than done, I know, but it goes for both sides - his AND yours.)  This is the beginning of a long journey.  It's tough to start it out always bickering.  

Answer 6

you are a little bit.

9 months away is a short time..tell him if he has any ideas then go ahead and give them..

but make sure you add a little something from the both of you...how about he pics the colors and you can pick the flowers to match the colors...he can pic the location, and you can decorate it...

come up with a budget together..sit down and decide how much you are going to spend so you dont go crazy or left with no money at all..then decide the amount of people

as for the amount of people you are going to have to make a list of people you want, and have him make a list of people he wants (family, friends etc.) then come together with the lists and see how many people total there is..if it is to many budget wise then decide on who to cut--like parents friends...

Answer 7

Haven't you heard "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"   Men are clueless when it comes to wedding planning.  See if you can get him to write  a list of what things he thinks are necessary and then you write one and try for  a compromise.  In the end it will all work out.  Overreacting...No....just concerned...nine months is not all that long to get things planned.  

Answer 8

The truth is that most guys are not going to care about color schemes, sending the perfect invitations, and what your dress looks like.  Take this to heart though...if he is unwilling to help do much planning and giving a lot of criticism instead of being there for you, the same type of thing might happen once you get married.  

Also, are you expecting him to be involved in every tiny detail of the wedding?  Ask him to write something down on how he envisions your wedding and you do the same.  This way you have something formal to refer to on what he wants!

Tell him how you feel.  Don't be afraid to tell him you are unhappy with his lack of involvement.  If you can't communicate now, it won't be any better once you are married!

Answer 9

You could always elope. Then have a really cool reception after.  Just a thought.