Am I Really A Bad Muslim?

Question

is it so wrong that i dont believe everything people tell me about islam? does thinking for myself make me h**l-bound? seriously. im not asking anyone to question what they believe in, thats haram. but doesnt some stuff in islam seem a lil fishy? a lil 'added on'? the fact that in the quran it states that men can beat their wives if they are out of order to 'help/teach them to become better'? issimply not fair. most women cant beat most men. what ifhe husband is a terrible person? what is she to do? also, i find that women must cover their hair a bit fishy too. men dont have to? i don think allah cares what gender we r as long as we follow the 5 pillars of islam, right? or not right?

Answer 1

Domestic violence represented by wife beating or abuse is rampant in this country  and around the world. While the exact numbers on domestic violence incidents differ, because this is such an under-reported crime there are statistics on which most experts agree.

1. In 1984 the US Surgeon General declared domestic violence as this nation's number one health problem. (US Surgeon General)

2. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by her partner; it happens at some time in 25-35 % of American homes; 4,000 women die from such abuse each year. (FBI)

3. Physical abuse by male social partners is the single most common source of injury among women ages 15 to 44, more common than auto accidents, muggings and rape by a stranger combined. (U.S. Surgeon General, 1989)

4. In USA, medical costs from domestic violence total at least $3-5 billion annually. At least another $100 million can be added to the cost to businesses in lost wages, sick leave and absenteeism. (Sylvia Porter, For Your Money's Worth)

5.Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered - by husbands, boyfriends, lovers and partners. (Surgeon General Antonia Novello, as quoted in Domestic Violence: Battered Women, publication of the Reference Department of the Cambridge Public Library, Cambridge, MA)

6.Approximately one-third of the men counseled (for battering) at Emerge are professional men who are well respected in their jobs and their communities. these have included doctors, psychologists, lawyers, ministers, and business executives. (For Shelter and Beyond, Massachusetts Coalition of Battered Women Service Groups, Boston, MA 1990)

Statistics as these should awaken all those in denial of the fact that wife beating and abuse is an endemic disease in all different cultures, religions and communities. It is as common in Western as it is in Eastern societies.

Men in Western (and Eastern) societies do not abuse their wives because of scriptural teachings, but because of a natural instinct of domination and aggression. God, knowing this, has therefore decreed a perfect law to help men control their temper and to solve any problems before resorting to physical aggression.

These statistics reflect the failure of modern societies in treating this perilous condition in men. Despite advances in modern psychology and improved understanding of behavioral patterns of men, civilized and uncivilized, a successful solution to this aggressive behavior has not been found by man.

A solution has however been presented to the world in the Quran, the Final Testament, more than 1400 years ago, in verse 4:34.

[4:34] The men are made responsible for the women, and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD's commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like) deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against them. GOD is Most High, Supreme.

At first glance this verse may appear as if promoting physical abuse of women. But when reading 4:34 carefully one realizes that it actually prohibits abuse and beating of women by using the best psychological approach.

The advise to first talk and then avoid sexual contact, provides the necessary time and space for both parties to cool off, reason, examine the problem and reach a favorable agreement for both of them.

Abuse of a wife will not happen if the man learns to follow the clear commandments of God in this verse and in the order decreed. Abuse will only happen when a man does not follow these commandments, and thus fails to cool off and reason with himself or with his wife.

Sura 4, where we read 4:34, entitled "The Women," is one of the longest chapters in the Quran. It deals with many of the rights and responsibilities of women, rights that were first available to western women only a few decades ago, and some that still aren't. The theme of this Sura is to defend women's rights, and countering injustice and oppression of women. Thus, any interpretation of verses in Sura 4 must be in favor of the women, not the other way around.

Unfortunately 4:34 is extremely abused by many of the so-called "Muslim" men in the world. While disregarding their own obligations and their own righteousness, these men only focus on the third step of handling this difficult condition as described in 4:34, skip the first two necessary steps and give themselves the excuse to beat their wives. They find support for their misguided and biased views, and for treating their spouses unjustly, in the fabrications of the so called Hadith and Sunna. They thus misrepresent the true Islam (Submission), and divert people from this perfect and just religion for all.

We have to remember that the right given to the man in 4:34, can only be claimed when you have a situation with a righteous man on one hand dealing with a situation in which his wife repeatedly commits "Neshooz" which is an unrighteous, wicked  and rebellious act. Abusing this law and the attempt to apply it to regular daily marital disagreements is not warranted by the  strong and selective wording of the verse. Furthermore, for a man to demand or claim this right, he must first give that woman all the rights God has given her and follow all aspects of the commandment without skipping any part of it. God clearly says in the Quran that He has decreed for the men and the women rights and obligations equitably (2:228).

In reality, a believing husband would most probably NEVER come to the stage where he would actually lay a hand on his wife. He would be much too careful to examine his own motives first, as a God fearing man, before exercising this right. As we see in the verse immediately following 4:34, when the marriage reaches this stage it's on it's way to end, as the very next words in the Quran reads; "If a couple fears separation…"

Most women in the world today do not enjoy the protection verse 4:34 grants them. Instead they are unjustly abused, verbally and physically, by unrighteous men in unrighteous ways, and get beaten up for the most trivial of reasons, or for no reason at all. According to 4:34 even if the husband has a good reason, he is not allowed to lay a hand on his wife until he has passed all the previous steps.

The woman's responsibility in a marriage starts the day she chooses a husband. If she wants to enjoy her God given rights, she must obey her God given commands, and choose a believing husband. Thus, she can expect from him to treat her in accordance with God's decree, and not transgress against her. She can expect from a believing husband that he will heed any reminder she gives him, if he forgets. If she chooses to disregard God's commands, she has to know that there will be consequences.

If women expect the men's deeds to have consequences, they should expect the same for themselves. These consequences are however well controlled to protect the women from the outrage of  the angry husbands as we can find in God's law for the believers in 4:34.

We also learn that one of the traits of the righteous is that they suppress anger.

[3:134] "…They are suppressors of anger, and pardoners of the people. GOD loves the charitable."

The nature and essence of a healthy relationship between a husband and wife is beautifully expressed in the following verse from the Quran:

[ 30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.

[3:195 ]"Their Lord responded to them: "I never fail to reward any worker among you for any work you do, be you MALE OR FEMALE, YOU ARE EQUAL TO ONE ANOTHER........."

When facing difficult times, even if the man dislikes his wife, God has decreed;

[4:19] O you who believe, it is not lawful for you to inherit what the women leave behind, against their will. You shall not force them to give up anything you had given them, unless they commit a proven adultery. You shall treat them nicely. If you dislike them, you may dislike something wherein GOD has placed a lot of good.

And when divorce happens, the full respect to the wife is urged,

[2:229] Divorce may be retracted twice. The divorced woman shall be allowed to live in the same home amicably, or leave it amicably. It is not lawful for the husband to take back anything he had given her. However, the couple may fear that they may transgress GOD's law. If there is fear that they may transgress GOD's law, they commit no error if the wife willingly gives back whatever she chooses. These are GOD's laws; do not transgress them. Those who transgress GOD's laws are the unjust.

In conclusion; A BELIEVING wife and a BELIEVING husband will NEVER get to the point where beating of the wife enters the picture. A BELIEVING couple will consult one another and agree on the best way to solve their differences as verse 4:34 and the whole scripture recommends.

We have to know that we are not in this world to protect unrighteous behavior. We are in this world to be given a last chance to make the right choice and submit to God alone. Making the wrong choices will have consequences for all of us, both in this world and in the eternal Hereafter, for women and men equally.

God is the Most Just, the Most Merciful.

Answer 2

It's normal to have beliefs that you have and its okay to have those thoughts even...you're a human being! Just remember to be a good human being and follow the ethics and morals you feel are right and let God judge you, and do remember he is merciful.

Answer 3

My Sister I have notice that the things u like in Islam, U say its OK which u don't,u say its fishy! (Islam is like a mirror u can see Your self in that where u stand)

Islam is a complete religion!

And Allah has commanded  very clearly for women to cover themselves with a cloth Over there body, And all the Four Imams Agree the Satar of Women is covering from ankle of yr feet to the ankle of yr hands and covering yr head with an cloth makes u in hajab.

Answer 4

ok im sure im going to get thumbs down for this answer but im only giving it my best shot. first let me start off by saying   Sara is right...about the misguided Muslims...im talking about the ones who choose to beat their wifes in face and to a bloody pulp...this is haraam and so unIslamic...as a wife...my husband follows Quran and beats me LIGHTLY as stated.it's more as a tap...and ever gf/bf-husband/wife taps each other from time to time so this is nothing out of the norm....he has never hit me in my face and has never even put a bruise on me by this. and we are to cover as women because we are much weaker than a man in defending strenght...it's quite hard to rape a man...unless your a gang full of overpower guys and aren't interest typically in his member...i think you get my drift...astulferAllah, just making a point. this is shayton going through your mind...talk to your imam insha'Allah and he will help you to understand insha'Allah...may you be guided. slamo 3aleko

Answer 5

No, you're not a bad muslim, if you asked a question in order to know the truth or the idea behind certain verses. You see the idea of it all, is to determine what role the man should play and the role of woman. Just like in the animal kingdom. In the quran, the man has been asked to look after the welfare and wellbeing of his family, physically as well as spiritually. The act is only a reminder, so that the family will stick together and remain a family rather than having a divorced that will not only hurt the couples but also the children. The point here is in beating. In the quran, it has guided the man not to inflict harm or hurting the woman. It is just to get her back to her senses as wife and probably mother to their children. If the person is a terrible person, then the wife can ask for divorce and if the husband is hurting the wife, he can be brought to court and deal with it by the court.

Answer 6

there is no such thing as a bad Muslim, just keep on learning understanding and be true to Islam and yourself. full fill the five pillars of islam and let the quran guide you.

Answer 7

Don't believe in what ppl say. Read the holy Book, and try to comprehend it by your self. But not just once, do this many times. And never forget the '' attitude of Gratitude''.

Answer 8

Salam sis, this is going to be a long answer....... only about the beating. I could give you an equally long answer about hijab..... but i will suffice with saying i do not believe we need to cover our hair; i think it is more cultural than Islamic. I believe we are just told to dress modestly.

So, now about the beating of women:

This is from the website of Laleh Bakthair, the first female to translate the Qur'an.

With the blessings of God, this is the first complete English translation of the Quran that uses the original meaning of “to beat” in 4:34 which was “to go away.” The translator gives three arguments for why this is so:

The words “beat them” in 4:34 are a command, an imperative form of the verb. Yet the Prophet, peace and the mercy of God be upon him, never carried out this command. Even if one were to say that just because a word in the Quran is grammatically a command does not mean that the Prophet had to carry it out; it means it is permissible for him to do or not to do. The retort: He chose not to do it. Therefore, whoever follows the Sunnah of the Prophet should also choose not to do it.

The word interpreted as “to beat” for over 1400 years in the Islamic world has over 25 meanings. Why chose a meaning that goes against both the legal and moral principles of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet?

The strongest argument for why the Arabic word does not mean “to beat” but rather means “to go away” is because interpreting the Arabic word as “to beat” contradicts another verse in the Quran. We start with a premise: Islam encourages marriage and while divorce is allowed, it is discouraged. The Prophet said: Marriage is half of faith. He also said: Divorce is deplorable.

In 2:231 the Quran says as translated in the Sublime Quran: “When you divorce wives, and they (f) are about to reach their (f) term, then hold them (f) back honorably or set them (f) free honorably; and hold them (f) not back by injuring them so that you commit aggression, and whoever commits that, then indeed he does wrong to himself; and take not the Signs of God to yourselves in mockery; remember the divine blessing of God on you and what He sent forth to you of the Book and wisdom; He admonishes you with it; and be Godfearing of God and know that God is knowing of everything.” All English translations translate this verse in a similar way.

That is, a husband may not hold back his wife from divorce by hurting, harming, injuring her or using force against her. Reading this verse as if for the first time, it suddenly occurred to the translator that what the Quran says in 2:231 contradicts the way 4:34 has been interpreted over the centuries by everyone except the blessed Prophet. The translation in the Sublime Quran of 4:34 reflects the interpretation as the blessed Prophet understood it: “Men are supporters of wives because God has given some of them an advantage over others and because they spend of their wealth. So the ones (f) who are in accord with morality are the ones (f) who are morally obligated, the ones (f) who guard the unseen of what God has kept safe. But those (f) whose resistance you fear, then admonish them (f) and abandon them (f) in their sleeping place, then go away from them (f); and if they (f) obey you, surely look not for any way against them (f); truly God is Lofty, Great.”

In 4:34, as translated in a similar manner by all present English translations except the Sublime Quran translation, Muhammad Asad, for example translates 4:34 in the following way: “Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions. And the righteous women are the truly devout ones, who guard the intimacy which God has [ordained to be] guarded. And as for those women whose ill-will you have reason to fear, admonish them [first]; then leave them alone in bed; then beat them; and if thereupon they pay you heed, do not seek to harm them. Behold, God is indeed most high, great.”

What this tells us (and all present English translations) is that if a woman wants a divorce, a husband is forbidden from harming, hurting, injuring or using force against her while for a woman who wants to stay married, it is permissible for her husband to beat her!!! Recall our premise: Islam encourages marriage. If women were aware of this contradiction, what woman would chose to stay married and be beaten rather than be divorced and unharmed?

The Arabic Word of God was, is and remains the Word of God. There is no change in the Arabic. The change is in our perception, our interpretation. The understanding of saying “go away” is a revert interpretation to how the blessed Prophet understood it. Whoever believes in and follows the Sunnah should logically agree with reverting the interpretation to the way that the blessed Prophet understood it.

We refer back to the first two arguments: 1. The word “beat” is a command which the Prophet chose not to carry out; and 2. The Arabic word “beat” has 25 meanings so why chose a meaning that does not follow the legal and moral principles of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet? 3. Interpreting the word as “beat” contradicts 2:231 and fosters divorce rather than marriage, commands to immorality and prohibits morality which is one of the definitions of a hypocrite in the Quran (see 9:67).

Does make sense to me!

Answer 9

YES!!!!

You are right. Thinking for yourself is a wonderful thing. How could you be h**l bound for using what God gave you? There is no reason to accept things that are unfair to you simply because these things were translated by men to suit them. There will be many trying to convince you having double standards is for your own good and clothing has some sort of magical power to protect you when we all know it can only protect you from cold, wind and the rays of the sun and it doesn’t have to make you unattractive.

SICK. SICK. SICK. Mohammad K

No one is denying violence against women is a problem everywhere and that will only change when men stop making excuses for themselves. You don’t need to learn to control your temper, you do that just fine. You need to change your attitude and get rid of your sense of entitlement and superiority.

And any man who believes they have a  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Âœnatural instinct of domination and aggression” should be locked up until they get rid of it.

Answer 10

If you have decided to waste your time believing in islamic fairy tales thats your problem

lol

Answer 11

Woman have to cover their hair cause it is attraction for the men. But if Men cover their hair, we would get attracted but could we rape them :S?!

Answer 12

nobody is bad you can always repent allah is the most merciful most kind

Answer 13

there r no bad or good Muslims only ALLAH know who is who

Answer 14

I don't think those verses you said seem fishy were added on later. They're in the oldest qurans. To me it seems you're trying to make haram what Allah has made halal.

Answer 15

just do your own research. as long as you stay in the faith you are fine. it dont matter what you sect is. just be tolerant.

sunnis have made up a lotta things

Answer 16

Its not what "people" tell you about Islam that matters. The Quran and Sunnah are there for YOU to read. Your saying you dont believe everything Allah tells you they are his revelations after all. What is "fishy" or "added on" about what the Quran states? There is nothing added on to the quran nothing. The verse your refering to is talking about with nothing bigger than a toothpick that she cannot be hit so hard it leaves a mark etc. Maybe you should know more about a verse before you judge it.

If the husband is a terrible person she has every right to divorce him.

Covering your hair is a bit fishy? Come on Islam is what it is the rules are not going to change for you. If you dont want to wear a hijab dont but dont tell me Gods words are fishy its insulting. If you really need explaining to you why women cover there heads and men dont then it seems to me you know very, very little about Islam to begin with. One must study to know, know to understand and understand to judge. Heres a tip start studying.

Men and women are equal in the eyes of Allah that does not mean the same that does not mean each others rules apply. Seems to me if your suggesting people are telling you these things about Islam you need to read the Quran again and recognise that these are Allahs rules and guidlines not "peoples". People change to suit Islam, Islam does not change to suit people. Thats the way it is take it of leave it but dont tell Allah his words are fishy or added on its childish and disrespectful. Allahu Akbar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7cYbCgRJ...

Watch these for someone to explain in simple terms what is involved in "beating your wife" Its not a beating at all, not even close but what they are saying is correct and permitted by Allah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y674CzB_u...

Answer 17

We can't say if you're a bad Muslim or not, only Allah (SWT) knows what's in our hearts, but if you think you're a bad Muslim, then why not try to become a good one? You would do this by actually reading and studying the Qur'an for yourself, not by listening to other people's versions of Islam. If you actually study the Qur'an, the translation and deeper meanings derived from the verses in the Qur'an, everything will make so much more sense to you. It is only when we read and study the Qur'an and Islam for ourselves that we realise what it's all about.

Answer 18

look dear,

the permission of a man to beat his wife,is TOTALLY WRONG,and who told you so is wrong as well.

beating here doesn't mean to really beat her like in a fight between two men or something,it's a VERY LIGHT AND "GENTLE" thing,like with a pen"which we write with"slightly,and just once.

or even with his scarf ending,do you think this will hurt even a child?

no,i don't think so.

IT'S NOT TO CAUSE PAIN,BUT TO SHOW THAT THIS PERSON IS FRUSTRATED WITH WHAT HIS WIFE DOES.

SO,IF PEOPLE THINK THAT MEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO BEAT HIS WIFE,LIKE SLAPPING ON THE FACE,OR EVEN BOXING OR WHATEVER,THEY'RE WRONG.

and you know what?

the prophet Muhammed PBUH,has"NEVER" laid his hand to hurt any of his wifes,even with his scarf or something,NEVER.

and he is our role model,so we all have to be like him,so men have to try it this way.

and about,why do you have to cover your hair,

it's not only about HAIR,it's about to be decent,wearing lose fitting wear,that don't attract people.

and because you're more beautiful than men.

we girls do lots of things in our hair,dye it,several hairstyles,severals accessories,but do men do that?

so,we're the attractive ones.

so,imagine you're with your husband,and all the muslim females are permitted to wear whatever they want to,and to expose their hair,so what?

your husband will be looking at nearly everyone.

so,would you like all men to be walking,looking at other girls?

no,we're more PRECIOUS than this,and we mustnot show our treasures except to our beloved husband.

and about the 5 pillars,they have nothing to do with our gender.

we all worship Allah,whatever our gender is,and we all are responsible for our acts.

and by the way,i was in Saudi arabia,and all women there cover their hair,and even faces.you know what?

i hopes that i could marry and live there,so i know that my husband won't be looking at other women,which will make me so jealous.

god has created us.

imagine if you've created someone,like a robot or something,would you be able to set rules and laws for him,and would you be able to forbid him from doing some exact things?

yes you have the right.

but you know what?

Allah is very very very merciful,and likes humans so much,so if anything is forbidden,you have to know that there's a reason behind this,even if it seemed to be unknown,or strange or frustrating.

just trust Allah.

sorry for being talkative,but i understand the way you think,and i was thinking the exact same way like you a period of time ago,but now,i know the answers,and still look for the others.

and try to be better and to be more close to god.

best of luck,and may Allah bless you always,dear  :)

Answer 19

I don't think it makes you a bad muslim but i do agree that beating your wife is ridiculous,and the hijab is all about being modest..to protect ourselves like Sara said ^.  :-)

Answer 20

Do your own research

Answer 21

The long clothes and headwear that Arabs use are protection against terrible heat and sand storms that sweep the area regularly. Their clothing style is a tradition, not the command of the religion.

What if Eskimos had received the word first? Would we all wear animals skins from head to toe everywhere on earth?

Use your brain, listen to your conscience and be the person you would rather be.

Answer 22

No one can judge a bad or good Muslim.  

You are answerable to Allah after you die and you do not

have to worry about what the world thinks of you.

When you think you are doing a right thing and Allah is aware of that then you do not have to be afraid of the human beings and what they think of you.