Am I a bad friend? Am I a bad person?

Question

WARNING: long and winding. this has been troubling me for awhile... i need help.

I have always felt a bit torn, and my situation is hard for me to articulate into words. I feel like my friends truly don't know the REAL me. i feel uncomfortable confiding in them about anything TOO serious, and i don't even want to although they are my friends. i want truly to have someone i can confide in and talk seriously about things. idk whats wrong with me. I like these people just fine, but I feel as if i'm on a completely different... mental level ... then they are (not saying i am above them in any way), but sometimes i can be happy/content hanging out with them. we are in the age group of 17yrs and i feel like they can be so ... afraid of the world/immature. they don't stimulate me at all in an emotional or mental sense. the time that i do spend with them is just to get out, hang out, have fun and they are the only people i really hang out with. sometimes i feel like i'm being unintentionally fake around them. you know how you act differently around certain people? i feel like i act happier/more normal/strenuously PG&optimistic around them. i mean, i definitely have had some fun times with them, but i always feel like there is this distance between me and them. i don't even know what the barrier is made up of. i guess (subconsciously) i don't want them to see how my mind works and what i feel about things. i also have this weird tendency to keep our relationship clean, i avoid fighting or being difficult towards them, and i'm never negative towards/around them. idk what to do. we have all been hanging out basically my entire high school career and have known each other since elementary school, but i still feel like they don't know ME at all. they don't even seem that interested. but maybe its my fault they don't know me? i don't think i really even know them either. i don't think any of them confide in me too much now that i think about it. i think i can describe the friendship between my group as kind of like "surface" friends. can we truly say that we are close bestfriends? from afar we look like a group who is really tight, and we (they) kind of call ourselves close, but i think it is only in a nominal sense. just cause we've been around each other for a long time, doesn't make us the best of friends. we've been together for so long now, yet i feel that i can't go to any of them for help in times of need. suppose a hypothetical scenario: my parents kick me out of the house one night for w.e reason .. i feel like i could never turn to any of them. i probably wouldn't even want them to know what troubles me sometimes. i know there is so much more to friendship. its not like i'm a very deranged teenager, i'm fairly normal but i feel like i'm going through all my emotional breakdowns alone, and i don't want to feel so alone sometimes. if i had a best, close friend i would say that i am my own bestfriend. what i want to know is why am i like this? i feel like i am cheating them or being a terrible person/friend and i really don't want to be that kind of person. i want to have good friends and be a good friend. in the past, i thought i had a bestfriend and we had a good, close sisterly relationship, but then one day she just turned on me.. called me these hurtful things in front of our other friends. and it hurt so much. i let her in, and she just completely tore me down. i felt so low. she talked about me behind my back, and posted mean blogs about me saying awful things. and you know what, i just ignored it, and tried to be as pleasant and amiable a person as i could be so i would never have this awful thing done to me again. i wanted her acceptance, yearned for it just so i could never hear her call me these things and think terribly of me. do i just have issues with friendship and letting people in now? i mean, this terrible friendship happened maybe four years ago.. in jr. high. is it possible that it can still affect me and my friendships today? my personality type is generally nice, kind of quiet, logical, i find it hard to communicate my feelings to people, i don't like confrontations, reserved, but i can definitely be assertive/outgoing. all of this has made me feel an emptiness in my life. i feel like i'm constantly just talking to myself and my thoughts. i feel like i can only rely on myself to pull me out of sad or hard times. i'm not at all close to my family btw. my mom, i'm a slightly more inclined to communicate with, but not with anything serious.

i apologize if everything i have written is just total mush. i haven't slept yet, but i would really like some answers. thank you for taking the time to read this.

Answer 1

i didn't read the whole thing but to answer your question,

IF YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS, YOU AREN'T A BAD PERSON

Answer 2

dont feel bad, but its tooooo long, best of luck for you.

Answer 3

yOU SOUND PRETTY NORMAL TO ME!!

Its ok to feel like this - alot of people do - yes who CAN you really trust to let into your life without them messing it up??

Finding someone we can truly trust to open up to is really difficult nowdays - people seem to have other agenda's and I don't know how they deal with their problems either

They say no man is an Island - but at the end of the day I feel the same way as you - I have to support myself because there's no one else to support me

I have a helpline I ring if things ever get REALLY bad - coz sometimes all the bad stuff happens at once and its hard to cope

But on a daily basis I just hope to meet some real like minded friends and ultimately a companion who I can open up to - and be safe with :-)

There ARE some good people out there - they're just hard to find for some reason!!

Answer 4

You need to find friends who actually think like you. I suggest making more adult friends outside of school. The people you are associating with now are holding you down and dragging you down.

Self-disclosure is a basic human need and it is healthy to want to find someone to share your thoughts and feelings. You haven't found the right people yet. Acknowledge this and start looking for people who have values more similar to yours. I know other people who faced the same mistreatment you have, and they finally broke away from the people who they thought were their friends, and found people who actually treated them right, and were much happier.

When you find people who really have the capacity to be a proper friend to you, you will wonder why you put up with the others as long as you did. It is a shame you do not have a close emotional relationship with your family, but that is all water under the bridge at this point. It is time to start dealing with who you really are and not what everyone has told you you should be.

Answer 5

By this PARASITE treaty you should buy a BULLDOG and become its friend !

Answer 6

do not worry

Answer 7

Hi there.

You said you had a bad experience with a ''best friend''.

Almost all people have similar experiences more than once in their life,but some can be affected in a negative way.You said you can't confide your friends,or show them your real feelings but, what would you do if one of them asked for your help or opened him/herself to you?Would you listen to them?If not,maybe they aren't the right people for you.Sometimes we meet out ''best'' or good friends after school.In school,we feel like ''we must'' hang out with specific people who are connected to our enviromnent.When you finish school and start attending college,or working or whatever,you'll meet new people and consequently new stimulants.Don't forget than you are still passing your teenage period and it's normal that you're feeling confused about most things around you.

Answer 8

You are not bad, just very boring.

Answer 9

First you are worrying about this way too much.  At your age most if not all people worry about little more than themselves.  I don't mean this in a bad way toward you or anyone else that is just the way it is.  Confiding in your friends about something that may be "different" about you would open you up to criticism and ridicule.  Your desire to be accepted keeps you from allowing yourself to open up to a friend that may or may not understand your probelm or issue.  You are right to talk to your mother about things.  One thing I didn't realize when I was a kid was that my parents had already gone through all the trials and troubles I was going through as a kid.  Yeah, it was different but still the same baisic issues.

In short, find and adult you can talk to.  If not your mom then some one else you can trust.  You will get the wisdom of experience and age as well as not worry about acceptance.  As you get older your friends will get closer.  Your friends are more like you than you think.  It just takes courage for someone to open up first.  

Good luck and God bless  :)