Am I a bad husband, if i have a temper?

Question

My wife thinks I could hit her for no reason, Guys please resolve this to the best knowledge of your ability. How can someone who has a great track record at work and socially can just hit someone without a reason. I understand that i have done something wrong and wants to improve my anger management skills, but i do think that its something that can be worked upon if your spouse is willing to volunteer to help you too.

Answer 1

"My wife thinks I could hit her for no reason."

Can you explain that please...What exactly do you mean by that? Have you hit her? If not, why else would she have that fear? Do you threaten her with violence? Do you and your wife engage in violent arguments?

On THREE seperate occaisons my husband has physically hit me, ie; kicked me, left bruises on my arm/neck and a slight bump on my foorhead, and slapped me with an open hand repeatedly on the third occaison. I left him when I knew the arguments would grow and the violence will increase subsequently. My husband had a severe temper problem and used me as a punching bag.

if your anything like my husband, than yes you are a bad husband. I hope my answer helps you. You need therapy and someone suggested a book, please read that as well - it will help you understand the psychology of an abuser.  

Answer 2

"...but i do think that its (anger) something that can be worked upon if your spouse is willing to volunteer to help you too."

Dead WRONG. It's something that any sane person WILL work on, without regard to what anyone else may or may not do.  

Answer 3

If you hit her, then yes your a bad husband.

Answer 4

well one, work and home are two separate issues. many people behave one way at work and are monsters at home.

If youve never hit her, but your disposition is menacing, you act like you will, get an inch from her face, throw things, wellllll, what do you expect?  you didnt really give those details so its just assumption, but people usually dont feel there gonna be hit unless you give them a reason.

Answer 5

I feel the same way as your wife.  If you fly off the handle sometimes and can't control yourself, I definitely think it could go further depending on the situation.  Do you throw things,  hit other objects, scream, etc?  You already know you need help with anger so it sounds like you are a bit afraid that you get out of control too.  She should be willing to work with  you on it if you make the necessary steps to show you want to try.

Answer 6

Your right, your spouse does have to be willing to help you too.  But if your the one with the anger issue, then you need to be ready to finally resolve this issue so that you can move on.  

Its obvious that your wife is scared of you when you get mad and that is no way to be in a marriage.  She should know when you are not happy with what she did, but not be scared that you will hit her.  Look into anger management classes or you and your wife can sit down and write down things you could do to improve your anger issues.  Im talking things like when you get mad, tell her you need some time to calm down and walk away from her for awhile.  Count to 10.  Get a punching bag for when your really angry and need to take it out or get a good pillow.  Keep a diary of your anger symptoms and make sure to talk to your doctor since your anger issues may be a part of a bigger problem, like bipolar disorder or manic depression.  If this is having a dramatic impact on your marriage, then counseling would likely do wonders since you have a mediator in the middle to help sort out each other's thoughts, etc.

I know that I am not a guy, but I do know first hand that anger issues can have a dramatic effect on a marriage.  I have been through this myself in my own marriage.  Its a hard road, but I hope that you find something that works to resolve your anger issues.

Answer 7

Do you have ANY IDEA how many abusive husbands are great at work and socially? It's not your wife's job to work on this, it's yours. She's not going to hit you for no reason, after all. Yes, you are a bad husband if you have a temper. On a more personal note, if your wife is in fear of you, you are failing miserably as her husband.

Answer 8

If she's serious about that statement she must have a good reason.

I want even stay around when someone starts arguing  it's useless. When you calm down that's when we can talk.

Answer 9

even though i'm not a guy..i completely agree with you on your last statement!

Answer 10

I lived with a physically and mentally abusive husband for seven years. I, being his wife, tried to fight his demons for him. Unfortunately, I relised in the end that you cannot fight someone elses demons. If you think that by asking your partner to stand by you through this is the answer then you can't be more wrong. Obviously it is you that has the issue and only you can change. Unfortunately, people are conditioned from a young age, and obviously in your conditioning, you have been shown that you are right in hitting women. For example: you may be 30 Years old, so for 30 years you have been conditioned into thinking something. So if you think this problem will be fixed in 5 minutes, then your going to be deflated fairly quickly. To understand the mind set of a person who is committing these acts is a very difficult thing, especially when you are the one doing this. You are meant to be her protector, not the one she needs to be protected from. My suggestion is that you go and source outside help, but don't think that it will take just one session. If you think that you are only doing this because you have a bad temper, then you are wrong there too. If you are so out of control, then why haven't you gone further, example: shooting, stabbing, etc. Thats because you are in full control and you know exactly what you are doing. Do you understand where I am coming from?This isn't a hate men thing, this is a peice of advice from someone who has been there, just at the other end. If you like reading, I suggest a book called, Why does he do that? If you really wnat to understand what is going on, then this is the book to read.

Answer 11

  What help do you need?  You should be going to counseling for any help.  That last sentence sounds like groundwork for blaming her if you fail.  I would get professional help if you need it.  It's sounds like you need it if your wife is scared of you.

Answer 12

Quite frankly, I wouldn't care to stay with anyone that hit me, no matter how much they wanted help and thought they could change.  Do I just accept the 'relapses' as part of the healing?  How many times  can you slip up before it is okay for her to leave?