Am I a bad person because of this?

Question

Ok.

I'm 20 and my mom is 45 or so. Yesterday she told me she's pregnant of 3 months (I can't believe she's just telling me NOW!) and that it was unintended but she didn't want to have an abortion because it's bad. My dad is furious and says he wants the divorce when the baby is born.

And me in the middle, hearing things like "you have to take care of your brother because i'm gonna have to work bla bla bla". I don't have time. I work in the mornings and study in the afternoons. I work for paying part of my studies, since my family has a lot of debts. I would feel horrible if i had to leave my job because I'm saving the rest of the money for studying in Europe. I feel I would get a good job and have a better future there.

I don't know. I feel like my life's been ruined. It may sound selfish, but since I can remember my parents always ruined my plans, on everything. I thought this time finally I would go for my goals and be what I wanted to be but no....it's so frustrating! And to make things worse, the relationship with my parents it's been bad, specially since i was 14 or so. We fight all the time. I don't even feel they are my parents most of the time. So how I am gonna feel my brother/sister as my brother/sister?

It's confusing. I feel I'm going to h**l for not loving my brother/sister....

but I have the right to have a life of my own, don't I? I just want independence, not having to live with my parents all my life or taking care of someone I didn't plan to have.

Answer 1

I don't think its fair that they expect you to drop everything you are doing and take care of there problems.. you are trying to go to school and save money so if I was you I would simply say no.. I will help out when I can but I'm not dropping everything in my life to take care of your problems and no i dont think it makes you a bad person

Answer 2

no ur not.u juz happen to be in the wrong situation.i know how does it feel to get ur parents personal problem get in ur way.but its a good thing that ur having ur own plan and money.at least u dont have to rely on them anymore.so gudluck

Answer 3

It's not your fault for feeling the way you do. I will say shame on your parents for the lack of love and care their bringing you up with. It isn't your moms fault she's pregnant, it takes two to tango. Daddy can run away so he's really the one putting more stress on you, and she's probably very stressed out knowing whats ahead of her, and needs to count on your help. You WILL love the baby, and you will not regret it, ever, no matter what the cost. Right now there's no baby staring you in the face so its easy to feel what your feeling. Your parents, especially your dad according to what I read, needs to get a grip on reality and work together as a team with your family. Right now, what you can do, is your best in each challenge you get faced with each day. You indeed have a hard road and it isn't fair to you at all. God will bless you for your help, he knows your heart. Someday it will work out good for you. Good Luck

Answer 4

I had the same thing when I was a child.

Bottom line.  Yeah you should help out.

But You need to have your own life.

I doubt if you take it out on the kid, though.

On the other hand you sound a little selfish.

Your dreams will hold a few months.

Answer 5

First I will say you are a very strong person to be worrying about your parents and your brother/sister but you are not responsible for your brother/sister. That is your parents to worry about. I would go ahead and finish your studies and get a good life for your self. You can still love your family but you do not have to support them nor take care of them in that manner. You have a lot on your right now and you are so young.Keep your head up because you can do it.

Answer 6

Pray and get your parents into rehab.  A child is a miracle no matter how old the parents are.  

Answer 7

you are not a bad person. its your right to get out in the world and have your own life

Answer 8

No you are not bad. The baby is not your responsibility. Its your parents. You are their child and should not have to take care of their mistake. Everything happens for a reason. I am glad to see they don't believe in abortion.  But your Dad trying to bail, is selfish. He helped create this child so it is half his responsibility also. You need to get out of your parents house and get on your own so you can follow your dreams. They will just have to take care of this themselves. Its time you cut the apron strings and do something with your life. They need to face fact that you are an adult now and have dreams that you need to follow. They will come around someday. Don't let them lay a quilt trip on you about needing your help to take care of this child, you didn't create this child and your not responsible. Get out before your relationship is totally destroyed between your parents. Good Luck

Answer 9

No, you are not a bad person. At at least 45 years of age your mom knows how to prevent a pregnancy from happening. If she didn't want to have a baby she should have been using protection or should not have had s*x at all. It takes two people to make a baby and your dad should realize that he is just as responsible for this child as your mom is. The baby is not your responsibility and you should not feel guilty for putting your education and your life first.

Answer 10

i would talk your dad into staying with your mom and raising the kid, i mean you say the relationship is already bad so what do  you have to lose with them? and your not a bad person because your a grown individual and you are working towards having a better life than they did and you just dont have the time

Answer 11

It's about time your Dad grew up. how childish of him to act like that. He has created his own problems.  It was not the Stork who brings babies into the world.

Answer 12

You aren't a bad person. I would be aggravated too if my Mother stuck me with being a babysitter.

Answer 13

You should not feel bad about this. It was your mother's fault for getting pregnant, not yours. However,  if I was in your position, I would definately take care of my little sibling just because It's the righ thting to do.

Answer 14

I am truly sorry for your situation....you must remember that life is only a set of tradeoffs....we all must choose the kind of life we want and some of these decisions are not easily made on the spur of the moment like this...Either you stay at home and be a good daughter and sister to the newborn-to-br, or you leave the nest and explore your possibilities...it is ultimately your choice!

Answer 15

your mom's mistake is not your responsibility. she would make you figure it out if it were you in her shoes. SHE IS THE PARENT, dont let her lay the blame on you.

and just cuz you want your own life does not mean you hate your soon-to-be-sibling.

Answer 16

You are not selfish at all. This is up to your parents to figure out with the baby and not you. It is not your child and you have no responsibility to put your life on hold to care for a little brother or sister. Just keep doing what you are doing. Tell your parents that you are not going to stop your life to be a babysitter. They are the parents and they can figure it out. Stay firm on this or they will take advantage of you. If you are still living with your parents, save every penny you can so you can move out before the baby is born and you are considered the live-in babysitter.

Answer 17

Only one thing can be in the first place. I suggest make yourself strong first, then you can help other people.  

Answer 18

That child isnt your problem. You're gonna have a bright future, and you shouldnt let your parents get in the way of that.

Keep saving, and let your mom worry about her own problems.

Answer 19

No, you are not a bad person! We all have problems with our families, that is just life! I agree, do a lot of praying! I believe that your future will be bright, so do not lose hope! I think your parents are just freaking out right now, which tends to happen on an unplanned pregnancy. Once the baby is here you will see that things will calm down. I know it may seem hard to see that the grass is greener on the otherside, but just have faith!!!

God Bless!  

Answer 20

So the question is.......

Answer 21

You oughta leave. It sounds like they're just not accepting the consequenses of their own mistakes, and you're suffering for it. I wouldn't blame you if you left them.

Answer 22

Your parents should know that you are old enough to start your own life. The way you feel is perfectly normal. You probably want to become independant and take control of your future. Just understand that your parents problems have nothing to do with your future. They should know better that you can't be the older sister right now. Dont hate your new sibling. It isn't their fault for being born : )

Your parents are bringing you into something that has nothing to do with you. If they feel like they should put you in charge of the new sibling is like telling you to take care of a new puppy that someone doesn't have time for. They should have thought about that before they concieved. You should sit down and talk with them.

Answer 23

You take care of you. You are an adult. I can understand the frustration from parents completely. Just don't let them run over you. You have a future ahead. Go for your goals. You're not having the baby, she is. It's her responsibility.

Answer 24

No you arent a  bad person, youre a young lady and you need to grow up and get on with your life. You parents need to realize this.

Answer 25

Ok well you know you love your family, and they know you love them.  But just tell them straight up that you are going to do what you feel like you need to do, it was your mom who decided to get pregnant so let her take care of the baby.  Maybe talk to your dad and try to make him understand that the baby will need him, not you, that he will have to help your mom take care of it so you can get on with your life

Answer 26

NOT a terrible person, this is a big event in your life and it is bound to cause some shifting and of course you will go through lots of different perspectives and feelings while you adjust.

As for fighting with your parents, what teen doesn't?  It's part of growing up and moving into adulthood.

I'm sure you will love the tyke when it's born, just give it time.  

I say give the whole thing time...I sure hope your dad comes around.  There are another six months til the baby is born, a lot can happen in six months.

When you can't change things, change you attitude about them so they are easier to live with...

Best wishes and good luck!!

Answer 27

ok...your parents only have as much control over your life as you give them...if you live in there house, you must follow their rules and such, but as far as scrapping your educational plans because they failed to prevent and unplanned pregnancy, that's absurd...if you change your plans to help them, it won't be the worst thing in the world...but if you do, you'll regret it for a long time...best of luck either way...

Answer 28

Canada then?

I think that you need to tell your parents that you have you own life to live and that this baby is not your responsibility, although you can still love it and spend time with it, it's not your job to risk all your dreams just because your parents are busy

good luck

Answer 29

stay with your goal if you hate your parents

Answer 30

NO! YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!!!

go for your goals! you're parents are acting at a lower maturity level than you are. be who you want to become. work hard and you will be rewarded. you are a strong girl! move forward from here.

have happy days :o)

Answer 31

Is your dad the father of the soon to be baby?