Am I a bad person for thinking about giving up my baby for adoption?

Question

I feel guilty for even thinking about putting my child up for adoption. I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant and I know my boyfriend would want me to abort it. But I really want to keep it. So what else could I do? I fear that the adoptive parents would abuise it or raise it wrong. I'm very confused

Answer 1

No you aren't a bad person for thinking about putting your child up for adoption.  It takes alot of courage and love to give your child up.  There are many couples out there that would love and adore that child that you are caring.  If you are seriously thinking about adoption go to a reputable agency.  So you know your child will be in a safe home and will be loved.

Answer 2

You are not a bad person for wanting to put your child up for adoption. I realise that your concerns are valid, however you need to do what is right for you and your baby not what is right for your boyfriend. If you chose to adopt and needed somewhere to stay while you were pregnant there are those options also. I know from experience. We had a mother who stayed with us while she was pregnant and we were goiung to adopt the baby and wanted her to be part of the babys life also. However in the end she chose to keep her baby, but that doesn't make her a bad person either. So no matter what you decide as long as you are doing what your heart tells you to do then everything will be fine. If you would like to chat anytime just e-mail me or imj me and I will listen to you. sometimes that is all a person needs.

Answer 3

keep it an move back with your parents...ok...u need to do wat right for u and wat ur mind want to do....ur BF is trash..no good...if he was goood..he would be "ok baby..i am always there for u and stuff"...but i think u need to keep dont give on abortion or adoption

Answer 4

I can't speak for all adoptive parents but I can tell you my point of view. I am a foster parent in Canada and raised two children of our own, one is a conductor and the other is finishing grade 12. We recently had a 7 month old baby girl in our home that we loved tremendously and would have adopted her in an instant, unfortunately her parents wanted her back because they were missing money off of their disability cheque ( so this child was a meal ticket) it broke our heart to see her leave and we have heard that this little girl is not dressed properly or fed properly and I have a hard time thinking how she could have had a beautiful life with us but because of politics we could not adopt her. We have put our name at the agency to be able to adopt but really I can't help thinking of this little girl. I would not adopt a baby to abuse it or raise it wrong I want to help a child be the best person they can be. I hope that is some help for you, most parents are out to give a child a better chance at life.Good luck

Answer 5

Ok,  You are very upset and I can tell,  I am ADOPTED and I have also Given up one child for adoption.  

An adopted child grows up just as any other child.  The word adoption only means that someone other than the birth parents raise the child.  I was given up at birth, and raised by two of the sweetest most loving people I could have ever asked for.  My Parents (and YES I call them My Parents) are the only parents I've known for 45 years now.  I had a wonderful life growing up, everything I wanted or needed and a proper family.  No one treated me any differently.

When I turned 24 I found myself pregnant for the second time.  I had a 5 year old at the time.

I could not afford to raise a 2nd child then, I was not employed, and on Welfare.  I made a heart wrenching decision to give the baby up for adoption.  I went through Catholic Family Services where I live, worked with a wonderful woman there and chose the family I wanted him to go to.  It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.  But it was for HIS best interest.  and I knew that he would be cared for.

That is My Story and I hope that you will find it in your heart to make the right decision , whatever that decision may be.  Please don't abort that child.  He/she has just as much right to a life with a loving family as I did.  Don't take that away from a loving family somewhere, if you can't do it yourself.  

You can make a difference.  This is YOUR decision.  NOT your boyfriends, family or anyone else.  It's yours to make.

Answer 6

get the real answers. Planned Parenthood can help you decide and get you prenatal care.

they don't do just abortions, that's less than 10% of their work. they give you the information you want, help you with things you're "confused" about and help you make the right decision, the one that's right for you.

don't wait, go tomorrow.

elizabeth is bitter about her life. don't let that influence you into inaction.

Answer 7

Considering adoption does not make you a bad person. There are some very good people who love their child, but find that raising their child is not a real option for them, and choose adoption.

  However, from what you've said, it shows that you really want to raise your child, so please don't let anyone talk you into doing something that you already know you will regret. Your boyfriend has no right to insist you have an abortion, and to be honest, if he would leave you unless you had an abortion, then you're probably better off being out of that relationship.

   Moving back in with your parents for a while before and after the baby is born may be a very good thing for you, and allow you to get your life inorder so you can provide for your child. If you find that it is not a good situation for you, then there are lots of programs and financial aid for single mothers.

Good luck to you, and please do what you feel is best for your child and yourself.

Answer 8

Oh sweetie...

You are NOT a bad person. Not at all.

What you are is overwhelmed and confused and probably a little scared, right? And that is all sooooooo completely normal when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

Seriously, you will get through this.

The best advice I can give you is to get some counseling--but NOT from an adoption agency, and not from a crisis pregnancy center. Get an independent, licensed therapist who can help you search your feelings and beliefs and help you figure this all out.

As for my own advice? Adoption is not an easy solution, it really is not. Even having an open adoption does not make the pain go away. I relinquished my daughter for adoption in 2001, and it still hurts. You learn to live with it, cope with it, enjoy life despite it... but it's just really, really hard.

I am also parenting another daughter. Being her mommy is the absolute joy of my life. There are people who are going to tell you how hard parenting is. The thing is... parenting IS hard, but it is also incredibly joyful. Relinquishing for adoption is just plain hard plus incredibly PAINFUL. So either way, life is going to ]get harder now... pick the path that also brings joy with it, if you possibly can.

Good luck, and ((((((hugs)))))))).

P.S. If you just found out you're pregnant? You have PLENTY of time to make a decision. In fact, I'd recommend not deciding for certain on anything until you hold your baby in your arms (if you decide against abortion and have the baby, which it sounds like you want to do). Put together a parenting plan, so that when you hold your child, if you want to bring him/her home from the hospital, you can. Don't back yourself into a corner by deciding on adoption early in the pregnancy, ok?

Answer 9

You need to make this desision yourself. Adoption is a wonderful, loving choice. there are so many families looking to adopt and not enough babies. as far as them abusing the child...we only hear in the news about the bad adoptive families and not that there are so many more good ones. You could go thru your church or aschool, sometimes they know of families looking to adopt and you could personally pick the family.  Your boyfriend sounds selfish. I would wonder if I wanted him around, baby or no baby.  Or if you decide to keep the baby, you could do that too.

Answer 10

First of all, you are not a bad person!

You are in a very difficult situation!  

Adoption is tough, making this decision is tough.  You and you alone need to make it.  

I hate to say it, as he is your boyfriend and the babies father... but you and your baby come first.  You need to not worry about making a decision that will make him leave you.  If that is the case, than he isn't a good one to have around to begin with.  

I cannot imagine being in your shoes, its gotta be tough.  

However, I have to say, I would fight for your baby.  I would fight for yourself.  

Both adoption and abortion have a lot of negative feelings surrounding them.  Do you believe that you can live with aborting your baby?  IF that answer is no, than you have your answer.  Please do not let anyone convince you otherwise, even your boyfriend.  

Now, as for adoption,  I am an adoptee... I can tell you first hand that adoption is NOT a ray of sunshine.  Your child will loose the best thing it has going for them... YOU.

You are that childs mother, nothing can change that, a piece of paper may say that child belongs to someone else, but deep down inside, where our genetics play part, you are that childs mother.  Believe me when I tell you, adoption is not fun.  It messes with you on a level I can't even begin to describe.  And yes, there are a great many adoption horror stories.  

The best person for the job of raising your child is you.  Remember that.  

I would get help in real life.  Find a counselor or a therapist you can talk to.  Get the information, the REAL information on all avenues you are looking to take.  

Don't let ANYONE coerse you or convince you to either give up your child to adoption or to abort.  ANYONE!!!  

People may tell you that adoption is great, its a perfect way to seemingly solve a difficult situation.  But let me tell you it is not.  You are going to feel the pain.  Your child is going to feel the pain.  No matter how great the adoption situation is, there WILL BE PAIN, on all parts, there is no way around this.  

If you are really looking to give your child up, read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.  Its truth, its hard to take, but its truth, about adoption.  

Remember that this is your choice to make, and no one elses.

I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 11

First off - YOUR BOYFRIEND IS AN IDIOT!  He wants to s***w around and not wrap up then just abort or walk when a baby enters the scene.  Ditch him, take him to child support and raise that baby on your own - he's a big loser!  Why are you with him?  Go talk to your mom and dad and see if they will help you raise that baby - I bet they will.  Your dad can be the fatherly figure to that child, which is probably better off with his/her own "dad" in the picture.  Cut him loose now and count your blessings.  He will be the one missing out!  No you are not a bad person for wanting your child to be in a loving family - wanted by everyone, you are a better person than your "boy"friend.  Next time, use a spermicide sponge and protect yourself.  GOD bless that baby.

Answer 12

I personally don't believe in giving a child up for adoption I would agree with your boyfriend to abort if you personally don't want it then I would abort.

Answer 13

No matter how "good"  strangers you pick to raise your child would be, they won't be YOU.  You are the person your baby has choose as a mother, and those guilty feelings you are having when thinking of abandoning your baby to the insititution called adoption ARE LETTING YOU KNOW - ABABNDONMENT IS WRONG. It is not your duty to provide a "gift" of a baby to infertiles...it's disgusting that some will even suggest such a thing.

You said in your post that you want to keep your baby, I beleive you'll feel much more at ease, if you begin to figure out your parenting plan. www.motheringdotcommune.com has some great parenting forums.

If you do not want to be a mother, terminate your pregnancy. I've lived a lifetime of pain as a result of adoption, I wouldn't wish the pain upon anyone. My adopters did the best they could, and I wasn't abused, but still I've always struggled with major depression, I wish my mom would have spared me this horror, and ended her pregnacy.

Answer 14

I wouldn't get rid of it unless you wanted to. If you truly want this child, who cares what he says? Adoption is another option if you don't want to abort and you don't want to take care of a child. Just don't let some of these ignorant answers interfere with your decision. There is nothing to be guilty about wanting the best for your unborn child. Hope this helped.

Answer 15

As the proud aunt of 5 adopted nephews, you would be making a couple (and their family) very happy.  Remember you can opt for an open adoption where you can have contact with your birth child if you choose.  Good luck.

Answer 16

Do whatever you think is right. You have three options... abortion, adoption, or keeping it. Do what YOU want to do. Know that whatever decision you make that is the right one for you and ALL of those are your options in life. If you want to adopt the child out there are lots and lots of good people who would take your child and raise it. There are open and closed adoptions and about a million provisions you can make within adoption. My sister picked the adoptive parents for her child when she was 16. She met with them. She loved them. She spent time with them. She decided that if she could see these people as HER parents she could hand her little boy over to them. She did.... and he's a happy boy. Although, He's now 22.

So weigh your options and decide what YOU want to do. Let no one influence you. You are the one that has to smile when you think of your decision in the future. So explore abortion, adoption and keeping your child. Then make your decision! Best of luck

Answer 17

Do not allow your boyfriend to convince you that you don't have options. You need to be able to decide for yourself what you want to do. I am not against abortion and if you choose that, it's fine. You may have more trouble dealing with it than you anticipate and you need to be aware that, emotionally, an abortion can be very difficult. If you want to give your baby up for adoption, the child's father will need to sign over his rights to the child in order for the child to be available to be adopted. Chances are VERY high that the people who want to adopt your child will never abuse it. I think the media does an unfortunately good job of scaring people into believing that adoptive parents are likely to be abusive. As far as "raising it wrong" is concerned, that's an entirely different thing. If you give your baby up for adoption, you will absolutely be giving up all your rights to your child and the adoptive parents will ahve complete responsibility for raising the hicld in the way they choose to. You can definitely decide who you want to become the parents of your child -- many adoption agencies will have you get to know people who are potentially interested in adopting and then you will choose who you want as the parents of your child. However, you will have no rights as to how they raise your child. It will be their child. It is not easy to imagine letting someone else be the parents of your child. I think you need to find a professional to talk to about this decision. You need to find someone who does not have a bias about this or have any stake in your decision. You need to find someone that you like and respect and that you feel comfortable with. There are many excellent therapists out there. There are also lots of mediocre ones and plenty or bad ones. You need to find someone good. Don't make this decision on your own and don't let your boyfriend tell you what to do.

Answer 18

Talk to an adoption agency. They will counsel you. They give you all your options: raising the baby, adoption and there are several ways to do it...open, closed, semi-open. Please check into your options before you abort.

Answer 19

To who ever said id rather be aborted then adopted and compareing adoption to being abanded, yer total wrong. I too was adopted and i am sooo glad i was i could not have asked for better parents. i dont feel abanted in the least (mind my spelling) But to answer your question NO there is NOTHING wrong with it. If u cant porvide a good life for the baby put it up for adoption there is lots of loving people who cant hav babies

Answer 20

I gave my baby up for adoption. I have an open adoption with the adoptive parents I have chosen. I went through a Christian organization who were really neat. I chose to give my baby life. I didn't want to kill an innocent life before it ever had the chance to choose. The greatest thing you could do for your child is give it up for adoption.

I'm sorry, but if I were you, I'd move back with my parents. How can you just get rid of somone, just because it's not convenient at the time. No matter what decision you make, there will be grief and hurt. I know that I did the best for my baby at the time. The birthdad of my baby is still envolved and told me how he thought, but said it was my choice and he would back me up no matter what. Do you want to live with knowing what you did? Don't you want to give life to someone who deserves it? You have to think what is best for you and your child. Is he really worth it? Does he really care about you if this is the only option is abortion? There are a lot of families who can't have children who would love to adopt.

Just really consider your options. Think of where you are and what's it worth to you. I just saw my little girl on Friday and I am so thankful that I didn't abort.

Answer 21

s***w your boyfriend if he is going to be that cruel. it is your decision if he is seriously giving you an ultimatum like that. If you want to keep the baby you can do it!!! He sounds like trash so leave him hunny and respect your self and the tiny life inside you!!

Answer 22

There are couples that are willing to do an open adoption me and my husband were looking into adoption and we found that we would rather do an open adoption so that the mother can be just as involved as we would be we want the birthmother involved in the childs life we hope to find someone that is willing to do that kind of adoption one day. That could be an option for you since you are wanting to keep the child.

Answer 23

It seems like you have touched on a sensitive subject here. This is a tough decision that only you can make and you do have some time. Please do some research and make an informed decision. I am shocked at some of the bad adoption stories on here and feel bad for these people. I do not believe however that this is the norm. I was adopted and was very happy for it.

I am also a mother and I think it would have been very hard to give up my child. It is however very hard to raise children.

You are not a bad person for thinking about adoption. You are just trying to explore all options and make the best decision for your child. Good for you and good luck whatever you do.

Answer 24

if you want to keep your baby you dont need that boyfriend anyway but adoption is a wonderful thing that you can do for couples that cant have children. i cant have children and would love to adopt but i dont have the kind of money it takes to go through a private agency i wish i could meet someone that wants to give their baby up but dosent want a ton of money to do it. there are a lot of good people that want babies and it is so hard to adopt if you are not rich so i think you should do what makes you happy and what is best for the baby and dump your boyfriend

Answer 25

From past questions I see you done had 1 abortion. Seems the child would be best being put up for adoption to me.

Answer 26

This is what I thought you would of said, Your boyfriend is not your leader. You are your own person God gave you a right to speak from your own mind. You should feel guilty of even thinking of that. Smashing your poor babies soul. Having to go for adoption. This is what you should do tell your BOYFRIEND that this is your babies that you gave birth to tell him your keeping both of him because he has no say in any of it Leave him if you have to. But don't EVER even think about putting your own child in adoption. YOUR MIND YOUR SOUL YOUR HEART.LIVE IT LEAN IT BE IT. if he says you have to give up your children tell him to leave them out of it and leave the COLD HEART behind. but just remember its your destiny not mine to decide just do whats right.

Answer 27

Please don't have an abortion. Adoption is a wonderful option if that is what you want. You can have an open adoption where you can stay in contact with the child and adoptive birth parents.

If that is not what you want, please think about keeping the baby. I'm sure you can find help and support.

Abortion can be just as traumitizing to you as adoption, if not more.

God already has a plan and a purpose for that beautiful baby inside of you. If you are not spiritual than you don't have to take this to heart but I feel I must share this thought.

Don't forget that some people have a lot of pain and misery in their lives like Elizabeth, and it validates their life to spread this misery. Surround yourself with positive people. Don't allow people to degrade you or give you bad advice just to make themselves feel better.

Answer 28

Either choose abortion because YOU think it's what you should do or keep your baby.  No, you are not a bad person, but I can tell you from experience, you will be treated MUCH WORSE by women in society than if you had an abortion or kept your baby.  Your boyfriend is too shallow for words. Just plan on going to court for child support.

Answer 29

You are NOT a bad person for considering adoption for your baby. Placing your child with a family who can provide love and care is a very loving thing to do. Just do what you feel is best for you and your baby. Adoptive parents must go through a home study with back ground checks and counseling before they can adopt. You could consider open adoption so you could be in contact with the child. However the father would have to agree. Maybe he will have a change of heart. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 30

NO!!!  You are definitely NOT a bad person!!!  You are faced with very difficult circumstances and now you have to make a decision and plan for the future.  Abortion is only the answer if you believe in Murder!!  Your baby has a heartbeat only 18 days after conception.  

It is actually very very unlikely that the adoptive parents would abuse the child.  Yes, it does happen occasionally and those are the stories that you see all over the news, but for every one of those, there are many many positive adoption stories.  I am an adoptive mother myself and would never even think of hurting my adopted daughter in any way!!!  I think that there are a lot more biological parents who abuse their own children than adoptive parents that abuse their adopted children.  

You need to talk to someone who can help you explore your options and make the best decision for you and your child.  I recommend visiting www.itsaboutlove.org.  It's a site for a non-profit couseling/adoption agency.  THere is a toll free number you can call to talk to someone at no cost to you.  THey will not try to pressure you in any way, just help you get the facts.  ANd best of all, there is no charge to you at all for their services!

Good luck!  Stay strong and do what YOU feel is right, not what someone from Yahoo ANswers tells you!!

Answer 31

Under no cirumstances should you abandon your child. Being abandoned/adopted is a life long trauma that no matter how wonderful the adoptive parents are they cannot replace YOU. You are the child's mother. If you give your child up for adoption you will STILL be his/her mother.

If for whatever reason you are not ready to be a mother, have an abortion.

I would have rather been aborted than abandoned/adopted.