Am I a bad women to say I don't...?

Question

... want kids when I get married? It's not that I don't like kids I love babies and kids but I don't want to have one. If I do, I don't want to leave my baby with a stranger. If I stay home that's a lot of pressure going onto my husband to make money! I don't want that kind of pressure on him. Some of my friends found it odd that I don't want to have a baby.

Also if you have a baby, take care of it for awhile, then go back to work, I do not expect to have the same pay as I did before I had a baby depending on how long I was out of the job. I work hard in my job and I don't want anything to change how I am viewed in my job from having a baby.

So do you guys agree or disagree with my statements?

Do you think it makes me a abnormal women not to want a baby? (people have said to me that is abnormal.)

Answer 1

No, it's not abnormal. I'm glad you've thought about your options so thoroughly.

Answer 2

I completley agree with you. It's a personal choice to have children or not.

Some people believe that women are just "life givers" but I don't agree with that. I support your choice, if you don't want kids don't have them!

Answer 3

I chose to not to bring up kids in this effed up world and my life is peaceful and guilt-free.

I wish I had a nickel for everytime a parent said to me:  "I love my kids...but...if I had it all over to do again, I wouldnt.

That tells me something and I listened.

Answer 4

I dont want a baby either>< if i wanted a daughter or a son i would definitely adopt one. So i dont think its weird. You absolutely fine:D

Answer 5

There's nothing wrong or abnormal about your choice. I have chosen not to have children for various reasons. I'm 40 and I have never regretted the decision. People who say you are abnormal or selfish are just ignorant. Ignore them, and listen to your own heart. Your reasons for NOT wanting kids are a lot better than most people's reasons for WANTING them!

Answer 6

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting babies, so long as you make it clear to your future spouse that you're not interested in having them.

Plenty of people don't want to have children, there is nothing wrong with not having them.  Stop worrying so much about what other people think, what you want is what matters.

Answer 7

No.  We all have choices, decisions and reasons.  Personally I want kids and even went into my profession (teaching) thinking of my children and my family's future.  Even before we were married my husband and I decided we would adopt if we could not have our own children.  Its just a personal choice.  You should not feel bad on way or the other.

Answer 8

You've been brainwashed by the feminists. Do your very best to rid yourself of the feminist propaganda.

You will grow old AND lonely without children.  

Answer 9

You're not bad. It's not abnormal. In fact, not having the inclination to have children is quite common. And it's good that you are honest enough with yourself to verbalize your feelings about the subject. Too many people have kids because it's "what you're supposed to do" when they subconsciously never wanted them in the first place.  

Answer 10

Admitting that you don't want to have children isn't a bad thing, and it doesn't make you abnormal in the least.  If fact, it would be great if all people who weren't meant to be parents recognized this in themselves.  It is unfortunate that society puts pressure on people to have kids, even when a given person would not make a good full-time parent.  That's how a lot of dysfunctional parent-child relationships form.

Answer 11

i dont wanna either so .... urnot abnormal

Answer 12

Doesnt sound like your absolutely sure that you dont want to have kids. I think your just a little worried about taking care of another life and to fearful if they dont turn out right later on.

Answer 13

No. That is a very intelligent decision and very thought out. You are very wise and unselfish. Come join the club girlfriend. The child free by choice club. Enjoy your life. :) :)

Answer 14

There's nothing abnormal about your logic, love.  A child is a huge investment emotionally, financially and in every other capacity.  Once you have a child, there's no going back.  So long as you're clear with your boyfriend/husband that you don't want to have children, you're not doing anything wrong in the least.  Honesty is the best thing possible.  There is nothing more dangerous than a mother who is pressured into having children to satisfy a man she cares for.  That's not conducive to normal development.  This is called honesty, and the truth is that having children is a huge, huge commitment.  If it's something you have the least bit of doubt about, then you shouldn't have kids, nor should you feel guilt for it.  But you must, in all fairness tell your partner of your reluctance to bare children.

This is normal.  This is not a hatred of children, this is a normative, logical approach which has led you to the conclusion that children aren't something that's in your future.  There's nothing wrong with it (so long as you tell your boyfrined a priori).

I wish you well.

Answer 15

No. It's not bad. I don't want to have children either. If I want kids, I will adopt.

Having children is a personal choice.

Answer 16

Don't let people talk you into something you don't want, there is nothing wrong with you.  It's a lot of hard work to raise children now days, because most of the time it takes two working to make it comfortable. I agree with you!

Answer 17

There is nothing abnormal about it. You are taking several factors into consideration and making a decision that you think is most beneficial to you and your future husband( of course he should have the same beliefs) That's what life is about...making responsible decisions and choices that benefit us and yet won't harm others.

Answer 18

i dont find that selfish at all.

ur man finding you selfish is a whole different story.

hopefully hes nice =]

Answer 19

It's not abnormal.  I feel the same way as you.  I'd prefer to have a fulfilling career.  Women are not baby machines.  And don't let any of the male creeps on here make you feel bad about it.

Answer 20

I dont blame you-

I have one, & the time, energy, & finances that go into it if you do it correctly are ALL-CONSUMING

which is especially frustrating if you had a life, enjoyed your passions, career, social time before..

believe me, even if you were 100% sure you'd probably have days that seemed unbearable so dont jump into it unless you are positive...

Answer 21

It's normal. I only have one child and that is probably all I will ever have. I want a baby soo bad, but I have neither the patience, nor the money. I don't think it is abnormal at all.

Answer 22

No, you're fine. Some women just don't want kids. Nothing wrong with it.  

Answer 23

No, I don't think its abnormal at all. I'm debating whether or not I want kids, life without them would be much simpler and carefree in the future, but they're cute and add a little meaning to your life.

Answer 24

  Your a ******* terrible person!!!!!!!!!!

Lmao just kidding nobody cares that you don't want kids we aren't married to you.

Answer 25

I've got a little one, and "kinda" am thinking of another one.

I didnt really plan my little one out, thought for a long time that I would just be a career woman.  So my life changed...a lot...high seas and steam to diapers and singing.  Even if my life is nothing like what I had always planned for myself, however it's still a good life and I'm happy.

My point is this, kids are great dont totally blow them off your life and mind may change(maybe/ maybe not).  

However, do not let any of these idiots convince you that it's your only role in this world.  There is nothing wrong with living your life as you wish, if it doesn't include children now or ever...it really isnt any of their d**n business now is it  

Answer 26

I think it's more selfish to have children to fill some void, or so you can look "normal." The only legitimate reason to have a child is the unequivocal, irreplaceable desire for one.

Answer 27

I wouldn't think you're abnormal, I see it as this is the lifestyle that you're more comfortable with at this stage of life. Having a career will be rewarded on financial stability and recognition in the society. Also, it gain a certain control over our life. Having children is a big turning point, and sort of bring out the motherly side in us. Some husbands doesn't mind the pressure but others distant themselves. I think ultimately if  you strive for your goal and live well, you're much respectable than many women who just gave birth for the sake of it. And I think if one day you'd your own baby, you should be someone who takes very good care of your child.

Answer 28

It's out of the ordinary, but I don't think anything is wrong with it.  I don't want to have children.  I had an adolescence where I was taking care of my sisters and my mother all the time and I feel like now I want nothing more than my freedom.  

In any case, I think the worst reason for anyone having children is because it's what is expected of you.  A child deserves more than OBLIGATED love and care.  

It's your choice and no one else's - if people think it's weird, they'll just have to get over it.  As long as you are happy with your life, that's all that will ever matter.

p.s. I just wanted to add that no, I don't think it's abnormal actually.  I often think (just from being around friends that have had children) that many women have children because they think that's what they are SUPPOSED to do.... they tend to end up feeling very unhappy and "trapped".  

So, in light of that, it might actually be the case that a LOT of women don't want children... but do it anyway for whatever reason (obligation of some kind).  It would certainly explain the epidemic of mothers going nuts and killing their kids, wouldn't it?  I'm not saying that's the case, but it's certainly an interesting thought.

Answer 29

It is interesting. Fear might play a part in the decision not to have children (fear of childbirth, fear of being responsible enough to raise them) but a complete lack of interest in raising a child is a bit unusual. Most likely your just too busy, or had unpleasant exposure to children. As you get older you might regret the decision. It may also be that your relationship is not compatible with it. Plenty of people live and die without having children.

Answer 30

Of course not!!!!  You're a classy person for thinking ahead in terms of having children.  In today's society, that's more than I can say for some people.  I disagree with your statements.  And if you really did want a baby, then it's your decision.  You can always change your mind.  And your employer should NOT treat you differently just because you were out on maternity leave.  And lastly, it is certainly NOT abnormal for you to not want to have a baby.  I always say that it's not a woman's duty to bring a child into this world.  It is always your choice, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for your choice.  

Answer 31

It isn't abnormal in the least; when I lived in Los Angeles and San Francisco, most of the women I knew between 16-40 didn't want kids ever, at all, under any circumstances, and most were horrified/terrified/disgusted at the prospect of marriage.

It actually made it sort of hard to date... I'm a pretty hardline leftist overall but actually would like to get married and have a kid someday - I'm open to the notion of adoption after we've had one or two of our own.  Even though this is a pretty primally natural desire, I caught flack for being honest about it once in awhile.  Most of the women whom there was mutual attraction with ran the other way when they found that out... shame really.

It's better to be honest and say that you don't want one or don't want to get married, than to pretend you do, have one and then neglect or resent it.