Am I asking for trouble??

Question

Please read my story, advice is greatly needed! I love my boyfriend dearly, but he has a problem with paying for things. He earns a good wage, and so do I, but everything is always 50/50, he would never dream of treating me to anything, and as a result even though I would love to buy him lots of little gifts (which I did at the start), to show him how much he means to me, I just can't do it now cos he would never dream of doing the same in return. His parents weren't generous when he was growing up, so I think it comes from this. Apart from this, everything else is perfect, we have been together for quite a while and plan to stay together. Do you think if we eventually got married and had kids and I had to give up work to care for them, that he would still be as tight with money and have us living on the bare essentials? As it stands now, I have plenty of my own money, but when the time comes for him to support a family, I don't want us to have to go without because he would be too mean to support us properly. Should I walk away now, or will I regret it? I've always believed in the man being the breadwinner when it comes to supporting a family. I have no problem working hard now while I have no children and would gladly share everything I have with him if he was more giving.

Answer 1

well, first things first, you need to have a serious talk with him, sit down at the place you feel most comfortable to lighten up the mood, then tell him that at the beggining you gave him lots of little gifts and stuff to show him your love for him, tell him that waht about you? dont you mean anything to him? if hes says "we dont need gifts to show love" tell him that that may be true but having your loved one give you things here and there feels good and makes you feel special, then go on and tell him about your future, telling him that you do want to have a family with him and he should change and not be so "greedy" thats basically waht you wehre saying, and tell him "if you dont change your ways i will break up with you" i know u dont want to say that because you REALLY REALLY do love him and dont want to break up with him, but if he says fine then he really doesnt love you, if u tell him that, h**l be shocked to ehar it and will be on alert, meaning he will definatly try to change his ways of not sharing, or giving you presents, if he really loves you as much as you think he does, he would change for you, i tell you this form experioance because i have changed so much for my sweet heart, and our realtionship is the best i can ask for. so eyah jjust give him somehting to stay on alert off, if he doesnt want to bnreak up with you h**l change GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 2

I can see both sides. It sounds like there may be some reservations about giving his all. To me, if i am with someone i love and care about i wouldn't care about the money. To me a relationship is 50/50 but a person has to put their all in to make it go. If you feel it is a problem then it is. The same would go for him. If it is a loving relationship then it should be addressed. Talk to him and ask him why. He will give much better answers than we can. I can see his side though especially if your a shopper. I had what i needed but didn't get my wants growing up. It made me more protective over money but i also have kids and they want for nothing. I doubt, if he is as good as you say is he is, he will hold back from providing for his family. Maybe he is just scared. Having children puts a new twist on things making things more permanent. (at least for me it was)

Answer 3

tell him about it

Answer 4

Please make sure you discuss this situation with your boyfriend BEFORE you ever marry him or decide to have kids.  Dont just assume he will change.  Maybe he doesnt realize that it bothers you or that you are concerned about it, since he grew up like that.

Answer 5

Unless he changes then I thinks it inevitiable that he will carry the same habit into your marriage. So If i were you I would expect this to continue and if that bothers you that much then I guess you should consider staying in this relationship. I don't like cheap people, especially when I know they can afford not to be. But surely there are worse things to deal with then a  boy friend or husband  being a miser?

Answer 6

yep

Answer 7

I dont think that he is being frugal, I think he is being cheap. I have been there before and it makes you seem like he never thinks of you, or that your not important. If you talk to him about it, and he doesn't try to understand you or change, move on. Its not just the simple fact of wanting to be spoiled, its about being romantic, and showing a woman that you care for her. Yes that should be done with words, but when it comes right down to it, its necessary! ALSO>>> this must be said because WOMEN make this mistake ALL THE TIME. Marriage and/or having a baby doesnt change ANYTHING. He is going to be the same man with the same habits that he had before you had that ring on your finger, and before you popped out that baby. Mold a man before you get married or have a baby, or dont do it at all!

Answer 8

i think you would be better off talking to him About this being honest and open otherwise it will turn into a black cloud hanging over your relationship. All the best x

Answer 9

Have you voiced your concerns to him about this? If he is someone you can see yourself having children with, it sounds like there's a lot invested in this relationship and it's worth it for you to try everything before you just walk away from it. Maybe he's trying to save his money now so he can put it to good use down the road (i.e. a house, car, etc.) He did have parents who set the example for him though, so it could be a result of that. So show him another way. Teach him that you like the "little things" sometimes and you're concerned that you'll always be living on the minimal side of life. See how he responds and then you'll have your answer. If you can't deal with his frugality, then you're better off walking away if he can't change his ways. Just be careful, cuz in return for a guy who spends a lot of money you might also get a guy who doesn't treat you well - and which is really more important?