Am I asking too much? I have doubts......?

Question

Ive been with my bf for 3.5yrs. Things were great the first 1.5yr until he proposed. Long story short, he retracted the proposal because he said he wasnt ready. Well the 3rd time he did that he also moved out to 'be on his own'. That lasted 6mo and now back together.

I still feel very hurt and not sure I can move forward. I dont trust that he wont leave again. We get along great except for a few minor things

Also....

My bf doesnt quite have all the qualaties I want in my future husband. He isnt motivated and I have to 'get after him' to do everything. That gets old and makes me sometimes feel like his mother. Yikes. And sexually, its ok...nothing great.

Are these doubts normal? Can we get past this? Should we get past this?

Ive talked to him and told him how I felt but he just says he wants it to work but doesnt know how to fix it. He still cant tell me when he will be ready to get married....I sometimes wish he never even asked, then maybe I wouldnt be going thru this....

Answer 1

Doubts are normal, but you already answered your question. He hurt you, you can't trust him and you feel like his mom. I know it looks hard, but you should think about getting out now before it's 6 years together and you're still asking yourself these questions. You could stay and be semi-happy...maybe even comfortable. But is that really all you want?

Three times is not a charm...

Answer 2

It sounds like he isn't sure, and you aren't either. Maybe a huge break would be good for both of you.

Answer 3

Just because you are with someone for a long time doesn't mean this is "the one." I had two friends who had been dating each other since high school. They just weren't a good match, fought constantly, cheated, etc.

When I talked to the female friend she said she wanted it to work between them because they had already invested so much time in their relationship. I told her that is not a good reason. That is one of the reasons why there are so many unhappy marriages out there.

I would call it quits on this dude, especially if you are looking for "the one." He is obviously not it!

Answer 4

honey, go ahead and drop his ***. if he really loves you he would have married you the first time and wouldn't have put you through all this trouble.  you deserve someone you are happy with and someone who satisfies you very eaisly in s*x. the happier you are with your partner then the better chance you have of staying married to that one person. it sounds like the one you have now wouldn't last very long. you deserve what's best for you. and only you can make that happen, not him. if he want's to be happy then he can do it himself.

it's gonna hurt for a little while but i promise you can find somebody sooooo much better. i wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 5

Love is not enough to make things work in a marriage.  If he's not willing to  compromise the complaints you have than he's not willing to commit either.  You don't sound too happy but it seems that love is keeping you by his side.   You need to ask yourself if this is how you want your life to be.  If not, then ended now!

Answer 6

you don't have cold feet, u have doubts.. do not underestimate your intuition.. be smart don't marry this guy, you'll end up regretting it. if you have doubts now, you will in 5 years too.  

Answer 7

If he doesn't have those qualities now DON"T think he will get them latter!  Maybe you should take a break!

Answer 8

So he won't marry you,moved out to be on his own, is lazy and c**p at s*x...yea he sounds like a good catch!

Answer 9

Both of you have doubts.  If the relationship causes more misery than happiness, perhaps it's time each went their own way.