Am I asking too much of my 13 year old?

Question

I am 38 weeks pregnant and tired and in pain. I have a disabled 15 month old. She doesn't do much and needs to be tube fed. I have been in so much pain I have been asking my 13 year old to help. She feeds her little sister and plays with her sometimes. I tell her to play with her. She acts like it's the end of the world sometimes. Her sister adores her. She is a huge help and I tell her that all the time. She does have play time by herself or with friends most of the day. It's not like I make her take care of her sister all day. When I have it, I give her a little extra money or I buy her things. She does this on top of chores. Dishes, putting laundry away, etc. Am I asking too much of a 13 year old?

Answer 1

That sounds about right. I don't think it's too much if you're paying her for it and her baby sister enjoys the company. Thank her a little when she does it, it really helps them realize that they just did something good.

Answer 2

Not at all. I feel bad because I have been putting some more things on my 11 year old (like pouring her sister cereal in the morning, helping her pick out clothes, playing with her, putting the dishes away) because I am worn out. I give her $1 at the end of the day if she does what I ask without complaining.

She should be more than happy to help in my opinion. Especially because you are carrying another person and need your rest.

Answer 3

well i dont think you over working her i think it will help her when she is older i would just tell her it will be over in a weeks

Answer 4

No, kids need to have jobs and responsibilities.  

It's part of growing up and melding into the adult world.  I think that's why there is an epidemic of 20 somethings who have "failure to launch" syndrome.  They were never taught a work ethic so they just keep mooching off mom and dad.

I've been asking more of both my girls this summer- ages 13 and 9.  I still feel guilty sometimes.  It's like I feel like I should still be caring for them completely by doing all of their laundry, cooking and cleaning, but I just have to kick my own butt and realize that I'm not helping them by coddling them all the time.

The kids I've known who grew up with chores look back and realize that they were given a valuable lesson that served them well later in life.

If everyone contributes, the whole family will benefit.  You will be a better mom to all if you have some help.

"Many hands make the work light."

Answer 5

no she is just going through puberty...or dont u remember when ur parents felt like a pain to u and thing that didnt go ur way was the end of the world...every teenager does that in the beginning...its the second terrible 2's time i think in a parents life...she will eventually get over her drama moments later in life...tell hre to bare with u because pregnancy does take away a lot of energy...give an hypothetical example on how tiring and difficult it is to be in ur position..lol and keep it nice..remember though that she still is a child and sometimes needs that strong hand to keep her in line.

Answer 6

no... she should be helping u more.

Answer 7

No, not at all. She could be doing MORE. I LIKE to help my mom. That would be so hard. Talk to her and tell her that your sorry but you really need help. Hope I helped!

Answer 8

no but when your not pregnant no more give her some slack.

Answer 9

no she should be helping you

Answer 10

It sounds like your doing it tough, but you have no choice except to get your little girl to help.  It is hard for her too, after all she isn't a mummy yet and she will get her turn.  Just be understanding when she is grumpy about it all, she has a right to be.  Remember to tell her you appreciate her help even if you don't have the money to give her!

Don't worry, you won't be pregnant forever, so soon things will get a bit easier.

Answer 11

no shes home all day so she can shut her yap! I wish i had a little sister to take care of!

Answer 12

no, she is old enough to help and should understand that.

Answer 13

no deffinately not. i was the same way at her age and now i'm glad my mother had me do those things because i learned the value of working for my allowance and now i can break my back at work and not whine about it lol. (i was about 10 years old when i had to help out taking care of my little sister) which that prepared me for being a parent myself.

theres alot of good lessons that come along with everything.

Answer 14

I think allittle.  The last thing you want is her becoming bitter towards the baby because you are volunteering her for all this!  Try as much as you physically can to take care of the 15mo old alone and let her come to you when she wants to help.  That'll give her a break and make her feel like she has a choice to be a big sister and is not being forced into it.

Answer 15

no, not at all, your doing a good thing for you and her, and letting them get a little sibling bonding time :)

Answer 16

no ur not. Im 15. 13 is a horribly age, thats when thier b i t ch yy and they get that evil PMS thing going. shell get over it

Answer 17

Not at all.  She should be expected to help look after her younger siblings.  It helps you out and teaches he responsibility and how to care for children.  As long as you still give her time to rest and play then it is fine.

Answer 18

I say no your not. I have a 15 yr. old and she acts the same way too. I feel that kids should help out. It teaches them responsibility. Your daughter is acting like any other teenager. My daughter says you just want me to be your slave. I give her allowance for doing chores and it sounds like you do too. Remind your daughter that you are having another baby and you need the extra help. Especially for your health and the unborn baby's health. You need your rest.

Answer 19

just a little....maybe she doesn't have to do 1 or 2 chores. but hey atleast you pay her, my parents don't even do that.

Answer 20

No, I'd say, in your situation, you should be able to ask more of her than most parents should be able to ask their kids.  On top of that, I don't think you're actually asking that much of her.  Don't stress yourself out in your condition and be sure to sound very grateful when you ask your daughter to do something.  Stress to her that you aren't in a condition to be able to do these things and you appreciate it very much.

Answer 21

No just remind her that you are in pain because you are carrying another person on your back.

Answer 22

No!

Answer 23

If you can, can you get in something like "Molly Maids" to help with the housework, etc.  Family members to help out also - especially Dad.  Although most of the people above think that because of your situation that it isn't too much to ask a 13 year old, I feel that you are asking her to run the house and take care of the baby while you are ill.  Sometimes at that age, besides just being 13, they just get tired to all the responsibility.

Now, don't get me wrong  Being pregnant and in pain is no day in the park and she should be helping just not as much as she is.

Answer 24

you are definitely not asking to much of her. it would be one thing if it was all day and she couldnt spend time alone or with friends but since she can most of the time then she shouldnt be treating her helping out like its a punishment. its really like bonding time with her sister or just helping her family. you should tell her that after you have the baby she wont have to do as much but she needs to help out and it wont last forever. im 13 and i wouldnt mind helping my mom out with younger siblings if my mom was in pain and i had a sister with diabilities.

Answer 25

Oh Man! I'm thirteen and I say shes lucky! It just depends on the way she WANTS to feel about it! But shes lucky to get paid to play with her sister!

Answer 26

Although in your situation you need the help and of course she should help out, but I use to be in the same situation when I was about that age and I really resented my mom for it. I use to hate telling my friends. Sorry, I can't do this or that because I have to do this and this and this and it wasn't a once in a while thing. It was every day. You have to remember that she is 13 and she should enjoy the most out of being a normal teenager as much as possible. I ended up getting so fed up that I moved out with my dad when I was 16 because it got the point that my mom no longer asked me to help her or babysitt. She would just start getting ready to go out and just expect me to babysitt while she ran errands.