Am I being a bad mother?

Question

My 8 year old daughter is really pushing my buttons today. We just had lunch not too long ago and the plan was to go outside and play after homework.

But, her sister (7 years old) and her started fighting. I warned them that if they didn't stop then they would lose the privilege to go outside to play. They didn't listen. So, I said no going out to play.

A little while later, they came to me and said they were sorry so, I gave in and said we could go outside again. I just had to gather a few things and in that time they started fighting again!

So, I stuck to my guns the 2nd time and said NO going outside.

My youngest was fine with that and is now coloring in her book. My 8 year old though threw a tantrum. I told her to go to her room and she refused. I physically picked her up and put her in there and now she is screaming the house down. I said she could come out of her room when she calmed down.

Why do I still feel so guilty listening to her screaming though? Am I being a bad mother?

Answer 1

No you're not being a bad mother. All kids do that. They have to learn that there will be a consequence for everything they do. Whether it be good or bad. They push to see how far you will go. Eventually she will learn that screaming doesn't get her, her own way. Stick to your guns. You're doing the right thing. Hope this helped.

Answer 2

nope, that's exactly what I would have done. Tough love is the best love =]

Answer 3

no dont worry.

your kid is just being a bratt (no offence)

she'll calm down

Answer 4

No, you are doing a great. You warned them, "If X, then Y". I'm a teacher and I give consequences to kids all day long. When I come home I'm tired, and so I'll be lazy about staying firm and consistent with my own child.  It is heartbreaking, but you're the boss and don't back down. (Even though I know it's tough!)

Answer 5

NO!! you are being a GREAT MOTHER!!!  keep it up, reigning them in close will create a loving family.  They will catch on and behave in the future!!  I had the same problems also and they caught on that when they are naughty they have a privelege taken away.

Answer 6

You are not a bad mother. Your doing the right thing. No decent parent goes guilt free.

Answer 7

Wow!  I have mixed emotions because I don't agree with taking away time outside as a form of punishment.  Kids need to be outside, they need the sun, they need fresh air.

Now, I DO agree that once you make a decision to take away a privilege, you must stick by it.  Perhaps you could let them go outside, but instead of playing, make them do a few chores like pulling weeds and cleaning out flower beds.  If they are outside working while the rest of their friends are playing, it may help them understand that it's punishment, and hopefully they'll think twice before repeating the behavior.

As far as your daughter screaming - well, that must be a girl thing, as my almost 13 year old son (only child) has NEVER screamed!  Sounds like a drama queen to me! (in other words, she's probably normal, but my sister and I never screamed at our mother, or we would have gotten our lips slapped off!)

Answer 8

Nope, you did right.

Answer 9

No. You did better than I would! I don't allow my sons(ages 4 and 5) to throw tantrums because we live in a very crowded household.

  If they do, they usualy go straight to time-out or get a swat on the butt.

  You feel guilty because you wanted to make your kids happy with the going out, and now you can't do that...sucks being a parent sometimes, but we gotta do it!

BTW, if my oldest threw a fit like that when he's 8, he'd be in a lot more trouble than just sitting in his room....I'd probably have him sitting out in the backyard or something!

Answer 10

No, she deserves that. You need to be firm with your children!

Answer 11

No I would have done the same, they need to learn...

If you're not that strong now to deal with that - what will you do when they are teenagers? You need to not give in and they will learn, stck to your grounds... you're not a bad mother.. you're doing what is best.

Answer 12

no

Answer 13

dont feel bad.. they were acting up and deserved a punishment equally fair. It was fair and I would have done the same thing....you feel guilty thought because any good/great mother doesnt want to ever hear their children cry for any reason, good bad or indifferent....i am proud that you actually discipline your children instead of letting them control you. You are in charge and showed them that...nothing to feel bad about. They will respect you more for setting boundaries and sticking to them.

Answer 14

you are not being a bad mother by sticking to what you ahve said.  Next time dont abck down the first round.  It was great of the to appologize but appologies dont get you out of a punishment, maybe makes it less sever.  they need to learn that.  Tell her if she keeps up the tantrum she wont go outside tomorrow as well.  

Follow your instinct, dont second guess youself.

Answer 15

Do NOT feel guilty. She isn't screaming in pain--she is screaming at you because she's angry.

Even if she were sobbing in misery that isn't such a bad thing. The whole point of what you are doing is to trying to prevent her from fighting with her sister. If she is miserable then maybe she will realize the consequences of fighting are so horrible that she will get herself under better control next time and walk away from the argument.

Once she has calmed down I suggest you have both girls think about what they could have done differently so they can learn how to defuse their fights by themselves.

Answer 16

You are doing the wright thing, I think I have done that a couple of times, LOL.  I do sugest that you tell her that if she does not stop screaming you will take away _____!. ( favorite thing she likes).  and stick to it.  You are doing a great job at parenting.  Kids like to know how much you can handle and try to find a way for you to give in.  She is unfortunatelly testing you to see how you handle it and is actually thinking that the screaming is going to get on your nerves and eventually give in and take them out to play.

Don't worry about it and don't stress it.  The best thing for you to do is take a coffee break and ignore it, but make sure you keep your ground.  She will learn that all her creaming and throwing tantrums don't work with you.

I have two teen boys, and oh boy have I learned alot.  They used to....when still are pushing my buttons once in a while but they know that if they do.....no T.V., Computer, or Video Games for a day or two, or depending how bad it is...they have gone with out all of those great things for a weeks.  Trust me it works.

Good luck and keep up the good work. I'm very Happy for you.

Answer 17

no she is being a brat and you did what u had to

Answer 18

You're being kind.  You have to stand by why you say or they will constantly try to find which rules they can break and get away with.  She is old enough not to be throwing tantrums too, so putting her in her room until she calms down was mature on your part.  Congratulations mom!

Answer 19

No you are doing the right thing. You have to set rules and stick to them. Kids will try their hardest to find a way around it. (saying sorry, screaming) IF you give in now then that will show them that all they have to do is cry to get their way. So stick to your guns. You are doing the right thing. I know you feel bad. But by the end of the day, it won't even matter anymore. Good Luck.

Answer 20

no you are NOT being a bad mom. You have to teach respect and discipline alone with with accepting the consequences of your actions. Stick to your guns because she is just testing you. I know it sucks but if you give into the screaming and tantrums now then she will think that you will give in every time. After a while she will either calm down or come apologize. It's hard but you really are doing the right thing! Way to go mom A++++

Answer 21

You are NOT being a bad mother.  You are one of the few parents that take your responsibility to raise your children seriously.  Children need to learn that certain types of behavior are not acceptable, and they also need to learn that their actions have consequences.  By setting rules and sticking to your guns, you're doing just that.

Children learn at a very early age how to get parents to do their bidding.  A baby only knows to cry if he/she needs to be fed, changed, held, whatever.  As they grow, those old hard-wired mechanisms are still there.  If children don't learn they can't get everything they want by screaming, they grow up to be unruly teens (and often unruly adults).  It's the job of the parent to teach children what they need to know to function in the real world.

BOTTOM LINE:  You're doing a good job.  Don't let a screaming daughter play on your guilt or sympathy.  You're the boss -- she isn't.  She needs to learn that.

Answer 22

I dont beleive thet physically taking your daughter is right, if she doent go to her room ground her...

Answer 23

No, your daughter just wants U to give in. Stick to your plan and let her stay in there and do whatever until she realizes that its hopeless and she stops.

Answer 24

No you are not.  Sometimes I question myself when my 6yr old does this to me.  They need to know that there is punishments for there actions.  I think that you did the right thing.  Don't let her upset you.  And just because she is up set and screaming does not make you a bad mother.  You stuck to your guns which makes you a good mother!!!

Answer 25

definitely not being a bad mother... i remember when my child was getting a low grade in reading (almost failing) and she wasn't  allowed to watch t.v. until her grades got better. (it was almost 2 years) she knows there is consequences for everything she does. whether they be bad consequences or good ones, she knows they are there. as a parent you have to stand firm in what you say, if not the child is going to learn that if they do this (screaming for example) then you will give in. but if you do not give in and you are always firm then, they will know that what momma says goes.