Am I being an over protective father?

Question

My daughter is nearly 15. She does have a large group of female friends, but she only really sees them at school, and it's summer break right now

Her two best friends (well, I THINK they're her best friends) are a 16 year old homosexual boy (I have no problem with this) called Christopher, who wears girls jeans, makes a lot of crazy noises, has pink hair, and wears make up, and a 17 year old goth called Chris, who is a PROPER goth. I mean, all black, huge metal studded wristbands, white face paint, the whole thing

Both of them smoke (both normal tobacco and weed) and they also drink. I'm pretty sure my daughter doesn't smoke (I can sometimes hear them from my window, and she's always doing loud fake coughs when they light up and lecturing them about it), and I know they sometimes let her drink a little (her being only 14, they feel the need to 'mother' her), which I'm also pretty okay with. She's never come home stoned or drunk in her entire life. However, her elder sister is always saying to me that Chris "is like, totally in love with her, it's weird" and I sometimes wonder if there's something going on between them

Anyway. Pretty much every night, she sees them from about 6 o clock, sometimes later, and I mostly insist she's home by midnight. Mostly they sit out on Christopher's balcony (his family lives next door to us) or in his lounge, and she usually texts me if they're going down to the shop or something

Am I being over protective about this? I always feel uneasy, watching her walk away with them, and I feel the need to check up on her constantly

Am I being prejudiced about the fact that they're not the most convential best friends for a teenage girl?

Do you think I should allow her to see them/what do you suggest I do?

Answer 1

I don't think that you are overprotective, but I must be proud of you that you raised your daughter to be a sense of caution and caring person.  Kudos to you, man.

Answer 2

she sounds smart. i think she's fine. don't worry.

Answer 3

She sounds like a smart girl i would just keep doing what your doing

Answer 4

YOUR BEING AN UNDER PROTECTIVE FATHER.LETTING HER HANG WITH THEM

Answer 5

Let her go.

As long as shes not smoking pot or anything like that then its fine.

and you really dont need to constantly check on her, once or twice a night is sufficiant.

Answer 6

Hey Dad, there is a reason you feel uneasy...I say follow your GUT INSTINCT, it has NEVER failed me. If you FEEL that something is just NOT RIGHT... it probably ISN'T...go with that feeling, You say they both Smoke Cigarettes AND WEED?  What are you thinking, she hangs out with them all the time, even if she is NOT doing it NOW, it is just a matter of time.  One of my ALL-TIME favorite quotes is  "SHOW ME YOUR FRIENDS and I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE" These boys are NOT GOOD ASSOCIATES...you know how I KNOW?  Because YOU are uneasy. I don't care what they WEAR nor what their Sexual Orientation is...Something is NOT RIGHT...and you know it.~~Aloha Dad and Blessings~~Michelle~~

Answer 7

Well I don't think you're being over protective at all. I would never let those kinds of people hang out with my kids.

Answer 8

They seem like sweet kids except for the tobacco, weed, and drinking, no you are not being an over protective father you care about her and she's growing up so you feel a need to hold on tighter instead of loosening up some, Chris seems like my friend, except  mine is twelve and doesn't wear girl jeans, he seems either g*y or bi because he loves me, lovey dovey way. You let your daughter hang with them don't you, you seem like a sweet dad, my dad is likea military general. I think you are a good parent and your daughter seems like a good girl don't worry about them affecting her or her grades she probably knows what is expected of her, just chill you are awesome.

Answer 9

i don't think your being to over-protective.

its normal to be worried about your kid.

Answer 10

You let them smoke weed in your house and give alcohol to your 14 year old daughter?? I'm absolutely shocked.  I don't think you're protective enough. Be careful that you're not reported for failure to supervise a minor. The unconventional lifestyle issue isn't the big problem here.  I wouldn't mind my son being around someone g*y or goth as long as they had good values.

Answer 11

WELL EITHER WAY SHES GOING TO HANG OUT WITH THEM SO ID LET HER AND KNOW WATS GOING ON RATHER THAN TELLING HER SHE CANT AND DONT KNOW WATS GOING ON HAS SHE BROKE UR TRUST FROM WAT THIS IS SAYING SHE HASNT  

Answer 12

You sound like a very nice dad.

You let her daughter do what she wants.. and respect her friends and their decision. Whilst still being a normal protective father.

I think your daughter understands this and respects you.. and herself.

I personally don't think she is smoking or drinking excessively.

Carry on what your doing, and be proud that you have such a smart daughter.

Answer 13

I understand you completely.  Whether they're goth, g*y, or straight, it doesn't matter.  They smoke, drink, and do who else knows what.  You must force it into your daughter's head again not to do any of this.  You said she drank a little.  Don't let her.  Good luck.

Answer 14

She's a smart girl and won't do anything stupid.  You should let her hang out with them if she isn't getting into major trouble or her grades drop or she gets drunk or starts smoking.  But they are just normal teens (despite the way they dress: don't judge a book by it's cover), and they are alerting you about where they are going and what they are doing.

I think that you probably feel the need to check up on her since you are a parent, but if she is already alerting you where they are, then she should be fine left alone.

Answer 15

well m8 it all sounds ok to my{i have a daughter} you know who she`s is with,and where thy are,i know how you feel as a dad,but in some ways you are lucky,most dads don't know any think about there kids.      ps my daughter is 31 and i want to know it all,,,well not every think lol

Answer 16

You know your daughter better then we do.  If she is not in any trouble and she is following your rules then i say let her continue on her path, just keep your eyes open for behavior changes that could signal an issue.  I think you are doing fine.

Answer 17

As her father you have a right, and obligation to stay on top of things. As far as not being "normal" I don't believe that to be an issue.  We all try to reach out and push boundaries.  Some push farther and have the need to experience things for themselves.  Let her be, but stay involved with her.  

Answer 18

I think she needs a little more structure and balance. My 17 and 15 year old daughters also have mostly male and mostly g*y friends but they do more conventional activities, movies, mall or stay at my house where they watch scary movies or practice music( GARAGE BAND) My girls also see their girl friends often. I don't have a problem with small amounts of alcohol, but do have a problem with any illegal drugs as one arrest can keep her from getting scholarships or into her st choice college. Ask yourself is you daughter well rounded and gets along with a large variety of kids or is she shy and feels comfortable with these boys only. Even though these boys really are her friends and " look out for her" it is a bad idea for young girls to get dependent on looking at boys for their social clues of acceptability as this leads to them doing "anything " to fit in esp with boys and can lead to drug use as promiscuity. Make sure her self esteem is high and she remains well rounded.