Am I being over sensitive? ?

Question

My son started school today and my MIL works at the school but she is off sick at the moment. I had anticipated we'd have a problem here and I was right. I knew that my MIL would find things out before me regarding my son and proceed to inform me what he has been doing instead of me finding out from him / his teachers.

So he started today (just in the morning) and about an hour after we got home she phoned (not to see how he had been) to tell me that his teacher had visited her at home (just) and she was telling me all the things he had been doing. I'm very upset about this, I'm his mother, not her and I don't think it's the teachers place to be telling her what he's been doing.

I think that it's not all MILs fault because she didn't invite the teacher over but I just knew this would happen. I'm already sick of it because the school has passed letters / uniform to me via MIL which I didn't receive for 2 weeks!

Am I being over sensetive? What shall I do?

Answer 1

you are not being over-sensitive. Personal and professional should not work. That is not proper protocol. I would talk to the MIL and to the school and to the teacher. She should not be talking about your kid to other people and family members

Answer 2

you need to have a sit down with the teacher, and possibly the principal as well, and tell them that it is not your MIL's place to be informed about YOUR child.  you are his gardian and need to be informed of what is going on.  give examples of the teacher going to her house to discuss him, as well as you not getting the letters that are sent home.  it is not your MIL's fault, it is the teachers, and you have a right to be upset.

Answer 3

You are right on this one! You need to be informed not your MIL. I would request a meeting with your child's teacher and principal and inform them of your concerns. If the problem persists you have every right to take legal action against the school! Or at least threaten... Anything regarding your child should be kept confidential between the school and his parents. Your MIL is not to blame. I'm sure she was only trying to help. Hope she gets better soon!

Answer 4

You are NOT being oversensitive at all!!  Students have rights to confidentiality and the school is violating those rights by discussing your son with your mother in law.

I don't know what your MIL's position is at the school.... but I would call a meeting with the principal and tell them under no uncertain terms are they to give anything or discuss anything about your son with your MIL unless they have your consent.  I would also sit down and talk to your MIL, and let her know that you've discussed with the school that you want to be the first point of contact for your son, and ask her to please try to treat your son the same as the other students while at school, something to that effect.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

Since your MIL is NOT his guardian they have no business giving her ANY info on your child. There is a privacy act that they by law have to follow.

I would call and just ask the principle that this not happen and that all information be sent directly to you, before the end of the conversation I would gently remind the principle of the privacy act.

Answer 6

No, speak with the principal. Make sure the MIL gets none of the mail or anything. YOU are the mother, YOU get the information.

Answer 7

The school has no right whatsoever to give your MIL any information.  She has no legal rights to the child. Notify the school that all information is to come directly to you.

Answer 8

The other responses have already mentioned about any thing related to your son having to be confidential, and to set up a meeting with Principal and teacher to make sure this happens.

I would like to add to that. Talk to the teacher, and tell her that you don't want her discussing your son with your MIL other than the bare minimum "Oh he is doing great".  You may want to do this keeping the teacher's approach, nature and age in mind.  You want to get across to her that even in the case of small positive details about your son, you want to hear them firsthand from her and share what you want to with your in-laws.

It is natural for a mom to want to be the first one to know details about her child and his school.  And, it is <sigh> even more natural for that to be mistaken for possessiveness or pettiness. Like, if my kid is selected to be the "student of the week", or a field trip is coming up, or any incident in the playground, I want to know about this from my kid or his teacher, no one else.    You have to stand up for yourself. Nip it in the bud.   Tell the teacher clearly that she is not to be discussing Johnny's day with  his grandmother. But, phrase it so that it sounds like a polite request and does not put down your MIL in any way.

Answer 9

Call the school and tell them the problem and you want to be informed and not through someone else, if there are things going on the teacher needs to contact you!!  

Answer 10

Hi,

I dont think you are being over sensitive at all. I understand the MIL works there but you are right about you being the primary contact for school communication for your son. You are his Mother. I would sit down and talk to her about it. Maybe she didnt plan on having this role being laid on her. If she did then it would be in the best interest for you to set her aside and make sure that you should be the one who is in primary concern for your own son. You can let her know that you appreciate her taking role of concern however you would like all of the information to be passed directly to you first as any other parent does in the school with their own kids. You hold authority over your son once your son walks back into your home after school not your MIL. I would visit the school and talk to the teachers informing them that you would like to recieve information that derives from the classroom to come to you! Explain that you dont want to miss out on anything as far as your son goes in the classroom or in school period after all you are his parent.  This kind of situation should be a light one. Hopefully this will iron early and everything will be fine!  

Answer 11

I agree with everyone, call the principal immediately and put an end to this nonsense. I would be absolutely livid if I were you.

I also want to say, your son and the blood clot are two separate entities. Keep them separate, dont give in on something to spare your MIL's feelings. One has nothing to do with other. You can be sympathetic without being a pushover. You son's school career is your son, your MIL's bloodclot is her health and nary the two shall meet. Dont feel badly about nipping this probelm in the bud.

Answer 12

You are not being over sensitive.  This is a big deal.  I would request a conference with the principal and inform her of your concerns.  You are the parent, not your MIL, and there are issues of confidentiality here.  Whatever you choose to do, I would ensure that I put my foot down now, otherwise it will escalate as he gets older!  Good Luck!

Answer 13

What the teacher did in speaking to your mom is violate confidentiality.  

You have a legitimate complaint.  Ask for a meeting with the principal and request that NO information be given your MIL, regardless of her relationship with other classroom teachers.

I'm assuming that you're MIL is your child's emergency contact at school.  Only then authorize the school to give information to her.

Good luck.

Answer 14

Well being a DIL that doesnt get along with her MIL I may be a bit bias. I too am sensitive and I tell you what, if my MIL worked at my daughters school and was the "first" to know every tid bit of information I would say something. She did not give birth to him, he is not hers, she does not feed nor clothe him....he is your son and you (I am sure) that you are the contact on all of his school records. Tell them that you would appreciate it if you and your son were treated like any other student in that school, tell them that it is not a matter of not wanting your MIL to be apart of your sons life or school day but that sending messages, notes and just the "talk" of teachers between your MIL and others is causing issues. You need to be informed of anything to due with your child first. He is your priority...and I feel bad that she is going through a hard time with medical issues but you have to do what is right for you.