Am I being overly sensitive, or is my mother in law out of line?

Question

I have a very strained relationship with my mother in law, which, at this point, is starting to wear on my last nerve.

I woke up at 4pm today. I work the overnights, so thats why I get up when I do. Anyway, my daughter (her step grand daughter) was gone. I asked my husband where she was, he said that his mother had taken her for the day to visit relatives who are in from out of state, and that she would be home at 7pm. I already wasn't happy about it, but I let it slide. Keep in mind, she has never taken my daughter anywhere before. My daughter is 13, and I've only known this woman for a few years, none of which have been on good terms. She is the interfering, overly intrusive kind of MIL. She's not evil, but always "means well".

At 7pm, my daughter was still not home. At 8pm, I start to worry. At 9:30pm, still, not home, and I'm out of my mind at this point. I checked the caller ID on the phone, no calls. She never calls the house anyway, only my husbands cells phone, as she doesn't want to talk to me. I start to get dressed to go over to my MIL house to pick her up. My husband asks me why I'm upset, and I say to him that she was supposed to be home hours ago, and she still isn't, and that this is typical of his mother not to respect me or the boundries of our relationship. He in turn calls his mother (who is with my daughter at her other daughter in laws house), and has to argue with her to bring my daughter back home. She rolled in around 10:30. Well, when she does drop her off at home, my MIL doesn't even get out of the car to speak with me, she just drives off.

At no time did this woman call me to ask if she could take my daughter, what time I wanted her home, or during the 10 hours that she was out with her, call the house to check in. Meanwhile, I'm out of my mind worrying about my daughter, as I can't find her, no response at MIL house, and no note was left, and no one checked with me first.

My husband, who is pretty new at being a "step dad" doesn't seem to understand why I'm upset. I'm extreamly overprotective as it is, why would I be ok with someone I don't like taking my kid without discussing it with me? I am I being overly senstive or is she out of line?

Answer 1

She should have asked you if she could take her and she should have called when she was going to be late.  I think she did it on purpose to press your buttons.  Since your MIL is obviously not going to show you any respect you have to tell your daughter that she has to ask before she goes anywhere with your MIL in the future or she will be using your daughter to pi$$ you off every chance she gets.

I'm glad that your daughter is okay.

Answer 2

She was totally out of line on all counts.  She should have ask your permission to take her, she should have ask you when you wanted her to have your daughter home, and she should have had her home at that time or else called to tell you why they would be late.

I don't know why some mother in laws feel that they have to be in control.  My daughter has a terrible mother in law also and it would take several pages to tell what this woman has done.

You need to tell her that she nor anyone else is  allowed to take you daughter any where ever again without your permission.   Tell her how worried you were when it got so late and your daughter was not at home and no one called to let you what was going on.  

Good luck!  

Answer 3

your MIL is out of line.

but if your daughter wanted to go you cant really stop that

Answer 4

I think in this case you are being a bit overreactive - but i can understand because she has probably done lots of things like this in the past.

You remind me a bit of my mother.. which is not a good thing. SHe would make a total federal case of something which should not be blown up to that extent. Is your mother in law a person who would take good care of a child, ie, keep them with her when they are out with her?

I think you should take a chill pill if she raised your husband well. Plus, she spent time with your daughter, which is not a bad thing. It is normal for you to worry if they are late - but since you know what your MIL is like, then you should just know it is her playing games with you - by the way, i think if some thing serious ever did happen to your daugher, she would ring your husband straight away.

Why should you be ok with someone taking your kid? well, your child is not a baby anymore.. she is 13. Does she have a mobile phone? perhaps you should get her one if she doesnt. Then SHE can ring and check in with you once every few hours or whatever.

i think what your MIL did was out of line - but you are over reacting hon. You should stop panicing 'omg omg - theyre not here yet- omg - what if - omg what if'

In the end, it makes for a bad stiffling parent, even if you dont mean it.

Im only speaking from experience...

good luck in dealing with this MIL of yours. Take it all with a pinch of salt - please, do not put stress on your relationship with your husband.  

Answer 5

Yes . . . she was way out of her boundry with your daughter and she knew it as well plus I'm sure your daughter knows u don't like the woman either so she is a little to blame also, she is 13 not 3. Your MIL did not come in because she knew her *** was in TROUBLE when she was that late especially not calling hours earlier to let u know they were alright. She will probably avoid u until she thinks u have forgotten it too. U r right also in the fact that your hubby knew better than to allow it without your permission, he may be new at fatherhood but being stupid is not. I say "Go gett'em girlfriend"

Answer 6

Too bad your husband is a momma's boy.  

Answer 7

OMG!!!! I would not even put up with that! You have every right to be angry because she is you daughter. She is way out of line when she does something like that! She may be her "step-granny" but she has no rights to your daughter at all and your husband was very insensitive for allowing it to happen in the first place. If it was my daughter I would have reacted exactly the same way.