Am I being paranoid with my 9 yr old?

Question

I like to know where she is and who she is with at all times. I freaked out the other night with her. I had let her ride her bike home from the park, with a freind of hers who is the same age, while I went to get a pizza. Its only a 1/2 a mile from our house. When I got back from getting the pizza, she wasn't there. (I was gone for about 20 minutes and she had the keys to get in the house.) She had gone over to her friends house and i couldn't find her. I scolded her when she got home. Do I need to loosen up or what? (Her friend comes and goes as she pleases, her parents don't really seem to care were she is.)

Answer 1

You HAVE to be like that with your DAUGHTER ESPECIALLY nowadays. Never know what could happen.

Answer 2

O geez she's 9, I actually think you are being way to lenient. She is too young to be left alone.  She may be mature, but this is what I tell my 9 y/o daughter.  She says mom you don't trust me enough, I say Honey I trust you just fine it's the bad people all around us that I don't trust. She's a perfect target for a child rapist.  Keep her under your wing for another few years please!

Answer 3

I am the same way with my kids.  Things can happen to kids in a blink of an eye and I am a firm believer of knowing where they are every nanosecond of the day.  She is 9, She is a kid and you are the mom. It is your right to know where she is.  Teach to leave notes and always call if she goes someplace without telling you.  I got my kids cell phones for this very reason.  I can always find them.

Answer 4

We tereat my 10 y/o granddaughter the same way. I feel bad she has no freedom. I tell her that we do trust her, its the other idiots out there we don't trust. We added a cheap cell phone to our plan so if she goes outside or out of my sight I can reach her. She can't take the phone to school. Its just for situations as you described. The kids in our condo complex also seem to be running wild..

Answer 5

No, you're doing the right thing. If only more parents cared about where their kids are and what they're doing, the world would be a better place.

I would have freaked out as well.

Answer 6

No you aren't too paranoid. She's only 9!! Look at how many children are abducted and so on these days.

My son is 8- he has friends that come and go whenever also. The parents NEVER know where they are. How would they like to tell the police that one.. I don't know where my son was going, who he was with, or what he was wearing? That's f-cked up right there!

Answer 7

I don't think so, if she cannot do what she was suppose to do or do something like that without asking she should'nt have that much freedom. There are to many wackos out there.

Answer 8

This is a tough one for me LOL because when I was 9 my parents allowed me to go to a friends house on my bike but with a very strict return time if I blew it I lost the privledge for a week. But was rewarded every once in a while with a hlaf an hour extra at my friends house. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND. With my own children I am too afraid for them to go down the street even though I know ALL my neighbors and are related to a few, its just a different world out there I drive or walk her back and forth and so does her friends father. So in your position I believe you are doing what you feel is right. And I completely agree children don't understand a parents worries or even the dangers out there.

Answer 9

no i think you have every right to know where she is at all times shes your responibility more parents should be like you there are alot of weird people out there and they pray on the kids whose parents dont care

Answer 10

No she could be in real danger and you should keep a close eye on her.

Answer 11

I wouldn't let two nine year olds be on their own half a mile from my house full stop.

No, you do not need to loosen up. You should know where your children are at all times at that sort of age and older! Heck, I expect my husband to tell me where he's going if it's somewhere unexpected and he'd normally be home, never mind my kids!

That said, I'm not remotely surprised your daughter didn't want to come home to an empty house. Were you expecting her to come in alone? Or for her friend to then cycle home alone after leaving her at your house? Either way the setup involved a nine year old out alone at a time you describe as "night". Not good.

Answer 12

Haha!  I'm EXACTLY the same!  No you're not over-reacting!  You told her to ride home and instead she went to her friends house.  

The problem is that kids don't understand the importance of us knowing where they are.  

It certainly doesn't help when other parents are (in my opinion) lazy with their parenting, and their children can come and go as they please.

You sound like a very responsible parent to me, so don't worry about loosening up.  She's only 9 - not a teenager, no matter how much she probably wishes she was!!

Answer 13

My son is 13 years old and I have to know where he is, who he is with, and what they are doing at all times. I don't allow him to go in any of his friends homes unless I have met the parent(s) and I know they are home while he is there.

Answer 14

talk to the friends parents tell them to always ask ur daughter did u tell ur mom u were comming here?

also if they are ur neighbors tell ur daughter to leave her bike out side so you know or sometihn

Answer 15

No and yes. You and everyone else is right about knowing where your child is at all times.

But scolding her after she has done something not acceptable is not the solution to that.

Later on she might hide things from you because of fear of being scolded.

Explain to her what is acceptable and what is not.

I remember being scolded by my mother or father and all I learnt from it at that time is (they don't want me to have fun with my friends...etc)

Keep being a good mother.

:)

Answer 16

As much as she may hate you for it, you are her mother and it is your job to keep her safe.  That being said, you may want to give her a little more breathing room so that you don't have an all out rebellion on your hands when she becomes a teenager.  Try having a non-heated discussion with her and explain that the reason you get angry is because you are worried and scared when you don't know where she is.  Tell her that if she does a better job of letting you know where she is and shows you that she can be responsible that you will be more likely to trust/allow her to do more things.

Answer 17

You are doing a great job i have a 10 year old son, he has done the same thing i have taken his bike away from him. They do learn that we want to know where they are for there own safety. Just like if we go next store and get a cup of milk and the kids can't find us they freak out. I did that to my son one day i went next store for a coffee and he didn't know where i was he was crying and yelling that he didn't know where i was so i told him that is how i feel when you don't tell me where you are. Let me tell you he always tells me where he is now. You  yell because you care that is the reason we all do it keep up the good work.

Answer 18

You're not being paranoid at all. My children (8 and 9) are never left alone for more than a few minutes at a time. In this day and age, parents need to be mindful of all the predators just waiting for an opportunity...

Answer 19

i don't think that is paranoid

Answer 20

I think you are not being paranoid at all.  My mother was the same with me.  She was ok with letting me go over to friends houses, but I had to tell her where I was going, who I was with, and when I would be back.  That is a reasonable request to ask of her.  As for not letting your kid out by themselves, I know this is a horrible world now than it was when I was a kid (some 20+ years ago), but as long as they are traveling with friends and not alone, then they are a bit safer.  I would just let her know that it is her responsibility to let you know if plans are going to deviate from the original, especially if she still wants to have the privilage of continuing to go to the park with her friends and not have you take her, drop her off and esentially not be able to do them more independently like she is now.  

Keep up the good work on keeping tabs on your girl.

Answer 21

I don't really think so. I think you have a right to know where your child is, and who she is with. She should have known better because she was supposed to come home and she didn't. She could have called home or your cell phone, so that you or a family member knew where she was. There is nothing wrong with going to your friend's house AS LONG AS you tell your parents where you are going.

Answer 22

no, you are not being paranoid. You are being a parent. parents worry. I would know, my parents are like that. (Except I am 12 and my brother is in high school, so it's a little differant)

When I was in 4th grade, I was 9 (or 8...) and I walked home from school with my brother. He started to go home on his own, and my mom bought us a cell phone to share so she knew where we were (I still think that is a little absurd, but it was free)  That is one solution.

Second, you could let her go off on her own, but while you were at home or with a cell phone so she could always reach you in case of a bad thing happening or if she decides to go to a friend's house. That might help you and her a bit.

hope this helped! :) Best of luck!

Answer 23

No, you don't need to loosen up, she disobeyed you, she should only be so lucky to just get a scolding and not a spanking.

Answer 24

absolutely not please keep doing what you're doing. she needs to be grounded from her bike too. oh my god with the way the world is today don't let her out of your sight. i have 2 small boys and i feel bad but they really arent aloud to do much. cant leave their own back yard. all the other neiborhood kids are aloud so i just make all of them come in our backyard. you're doing a great job not enough parents are like us. good luck

Answer 25

I have the same anxieties about my little boys.  There are a lot of unstable people out there that, small friendly town or big town, can show up and ruin a families life in seconds.  I would suggest explaining your reasons (fears and expectations) to your daughter so that she knows why you want her to keep you informed of where she is and for how long she will be gone.  If she is going to be late a phone call be suffice to at least calm your fears.  I think you have every right to be such a concerned parent.  Nine is still pretty young to let out of your site for any period of time.  When I was 9 you didn't hear about so many of these horrible stories you hear today.  So sad!

Answer 26

NO WAY!!! I don't think that you are wrong or uptight at all.  There are a lot of crazy people in the world and you need to know where your daughter is in order to make sure that she is safe.  If you told her that she could ride her bike HOME from the park and instead she rode to her friends house, that is a problem.  She needs to know that if you cannot trust her to go where she says she is going, then she is not going to be given any freedom.  You have nothing to worry about, the freaks are the crazy people that let there 9 year old come and go as they please.

Answer 27

No No No No and No again you are not being paranoid you are doing exactly what a lot of parents need to do with there kids. Scold her as much as you can. These kids need as many boundaries as they can get and I mean it. Anything could have happened in that time frame and at the age of nine she should have known a little better, to at least have called and let you know that her friend house is where she was going to be. I have a nine year old daughter and I get on her to call me through out the day when she stays over her grandmother house just to get her in the habit in calling me to let me know she is OK. Now and days they need it. Good Luck..

Answer 28

I am exactly the same way with my kids.  You can't be too careful. I always know where my kids are-it only takes a instant for something horrible to happen.

Answer 29

i am sure i will be the SAME way.  My parents were the same way and although i am sure i hated it then, being a mother now i understand completely!  Especially because things are soooooo much different and even scarier than they were 20 years ago.  I think you are doing right and obviously want the best for your child!  Good for you!  I only wish every parent watched their kids as closely!

Answer 30

you need to know where your kids at always theres alot of bad people in the world and some one could take your child don't parent your child the way some one else does do it the way that you know is right.

Answer 31

Honestly I don't think you're being paranoid.  the girl is 9, like in 4th grade.  This is what I would do I have 2 boys they're only 1 and 3, however if they ever do something like that, I am going to sit them down and show them pictures of kids that have been kidnapped and ask them "Do you want to get kidnapped and get killed?" granted that may be a little extreme but hey that's what could happen you never know, and for the other  parents I feel real sorry for them, because when their kid is out doing drugs or something bad they're gonna be sitting there and wondering why their kid is acting the way she is. Lack of Parenting