Am I being pushy?

Question

My 16 year old son and his 18 year old girlfriend are expecting their first child in October. I have supported them 100% from day one (although I wish they would have waited) and have even invited and encouraged them to continue living with us. My husband is talking to a contractor about building a 2 bedroom "guest house" behind our house (we own a small farm so plenty of room) which we have offered to my son and his girlfriend Alexis. At first, Hezekiah and Alexis were delighted and extremely thankful for the rent-free invite. But a week ago, when I took Alexis shopping for curtains, paint and other decorations, she seemed a little held-back. I asked if something was wrong and she said no but that she just wishes her parents had taken it better (they kicked her out and still havent talked to her since March). Do you think she is having second thoughts about living on our property or do you think she is just focusing on her parents?

Answer 1

I don't think you are pushy, also I can see your concern. Just keep in mind, they are just learning, that life does not only mean, all is fun and for free. They are both very young, both kids in my eyes, and having a kid. Your son's girlfriend is in the moment under a lot of pressure, she is pregnant, her parents disowned her. She feels lost and adrift. You are doing a great job. One only can wish, that there are more people like you. The world would be a better place.

I am pretty sure, that you will find out, when you have to give the young couple more room.

And when I remember back to my childhood, my grandparents lived in our house. And a lot of my relatives hat arrangements like that. So, you are going back to the roots. It is a great idea.

Answer 2

i think shes just upset about her parents. anyone would be! you are such a wonderful person for doing this for them. i dont think you are being pushy, she probably just misses her parents.

Answer 3

shes not having second thoughts, shes just thinking about her parents reaction, and you are babying them, it was there choice and if you allow them to live with you ten hay its your house but to pay an  apartment for then thats letting them take advantage of you but if in that sort of thing then do what you think you got to do

Answer 4

Im sure she really is just thinking about the lack of support from her parents. Just continue showing your support and encouraging her to speak up. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 5

Trust me, she is very grateful to have you, I think she just wishes her parents were excepting this as well as you. Don't worry, her hormones are going crazy and emotions will flare up. She probably misses her parents and wants them to be apart of this pregnancy and be excited as you. They need you right now. Your son needs to finish school, I hope she realizes that.

Is there anyway you can talk to her parents?. She needs them. she's sad. She is at a very delicate stage and like I said...HORMONES will make her feel unhappy.

Congratulations grandma!!!

Answer 6

yes you are babying them way too much... he is never going to take responsibility if you do not cut the umbilical cord! H is the one that is having the baby and now he needs to make the adulty decisions...

Answer 7

I think it is a doog idea and i applaud you for accepting your son even though he made a mistake. His girlfriend is probably just worried about the baby and reality is starting to set in. Make sure that your son and his girlfriend have a place to live and it isnt babying him to pay. You are being caring and loving. If you think she is having second thoughts then try taking her to look at apartments so she can see that you support her. She also feels sad that her parents are upset with her. She sees you being there for her and taking her in like your own and she wishes that her parents could do the same. Keep doing what you are doing and make sure that your son has the oppertunity to finish school. If you could, offer to help care for the baby so that she will feel less stressed out.

Hope that helped!!!! :D

Answer 8

She's probably just bummed that her parents aren't taking it as well as you are. I wouldn't take it as anything negative geared towards you at all.

I think it's extremely gracious of you and your husband to go out of your way for your son and his girlfriend. However, they do need to learn to take responsbility for themselves and their future baby. Is your son working? Is she working? It's great to help them "get on their feet" but you also need to let them be adults in this situation. Having a baby is a VERY adult thing to do.

Answer 9

Wow! You are a saint! Your son still needs to grow up. Rather let them live rent-free near you as they save up and plan their financial future. Maybe Alexis could try getting a diploma or something so as to raise her income?

As for your son, well he is 16! Just because he is soon to be a father doesn't make him a man. He is still just a boy. Please keep them on your property. You know the stresses of having a new-born.

The expecting parents are about to have their lives turned upside down. You and your husband have the opprtunity to offer them some stability. In the mean time, your son can work on graduation and contribute towards the running costs of their 'home'.

Alexis' parents will come around soon after birth. While they may not support the situation, they will undoubtedly wish to visit their grandchild.

Finally, you need to discuss critically what plans Hezekiah and Alexis have for their immediate, mid-term and long-term future. Set explicit goals/dates for them to become independent. Write these down and have everyone keep a copy (maybe sign it?) as a sign of their committment to get on their own two feet.

Answer 10

I think in a way she's a little jealous. I mean you are giving your son and Alexis support, and she's see's that, but she doesn't see that from her own parents, so I think she jealous that you're giving it to her, who's not technecally family, but her real family isn't giving her any.

I think she's really thankful for you being so supportive, and thats why she's acting like this.

I bet she wishes her mom was as supportive as you, and she probably imagined her mom helping decorate, etc.

If I were you, I would say that they have to live on my property in order for it to be rent-free, and not pay for an apartment. Your son is still in school, and needs your support more than ever. Not to mention if he or his girlfriend ever have trouble, they can run and ask you for help!

Answer 11

Wow! You're really enabling your son and his girlfriend! That is beside the point. You are dealing with an 18 year old GIRL who is pregnant and hormonal. She probably realizes that she should have made better decissions. She probably realizes that you are going to be overbearing and controlling -- which is the real issue here. You know that these are two kids who are having another kid. You are trying to control them by keeping them on your property. You want to be able to step in at any moment because you know they are still children! They will never grow up because you are an enabler. After this child is born, your son's girlfriend is going to get very annoyed with you...until she needs babysitting so she can go out with her friends and still act like a child. You are not going to allow them to grow up. If it were my child, I would take this as a wake up call, but you won't. So....go ahead and continue to spoil them with free rent and build them their free house. They will resent you, and you are going to wonder why they would after all that you have given to them. You are not doing them any favors. Your son will continue to make mistakes because you are not expecting him to step up and take responsibility for his actions. He will never learn to be a MAN. Maybe you will think about your "genorosity" once the second grandbaby comes from a new girlfriend. The bottom line is your son's girlfriend is starting to realize that she is stuck under your control. That's why she is acting "cold" toward you. It's too late to go back now though. You promised them a bill of goods, and now you have to deliver.

Answer 12

shes probably just upset about her parents. i think ur being a GREAT mom tho! most mothers wouldn't have taken news like that good at all! even if ur just offering them help until they get on their own feet im sure they're probably grateful. just make sure ur encouraging them to get jobs or wat ever that way they can start earning enough money. keep it up tho! =]