Am I being rude for doing this?

Question

I have a guest staying at my house and she loves my 10 week old baby. I'm glad she's so good with him, but she keeps overdoing it.

She wants to spend all his awake time cooing with him, and he smiles at her more than me. And then he gets overstimulated and starts crying and I don't have any time with him.

Then she starts making comments like "oh isnt he sweating in that blanket?"

I was hoping to get some time alone with him b/c he was in a good mood. We were both in my room, but I had to pee, so I went out to pee - and closed my door an when I got back, she was standing outside the door listening and talking to him.

I know she wanted to come in, but I closed the door in her face saying "oh Im going to put him back to bed soon." Now I am in here trying to play with him quietly b/c I dont want her to know. Am I being rude? Is there a better way to handle this without being wierd?

Answer 1

No you're not being rude, she's being rude; smothering over someone elses baby and questioning your mothering.  That would irritate any new mother.  Tell her to get her own baby.

Answer 2

Just tell your guest that you'd like some alone time with your baby.  It's weirder to sneek around and do it than just coming out and saying it.

Answer 3

I think if this "guest" was considerate she would realize that she is being RUDE to you!!! New Mothers should spend as much time with their babies as necessary! I think it's terrible that she even tries to steal time away from you.

I would tell her that you need to be alone with your baby and she needs to back off! I can't stand inconsiderate people.

Answer 4

No, I think you're actually being too nice to her. But you do have to explain to her that she's overstepping her boundaries and you want to get to know your child so she needs to step off a little bit.

Answer 5

No I don't think its rude at all. Its your baby, and its your bonding time. Every moment is so special I understand how you feel.

Answer 6

I don't know how long your guest is staying but you should try to handle this situation with the best interest of the baby.  You should tell the person that you are trying to get the baby on a schedule and you need their help.

Schedule your babies day in a way that is best for the baby and you. This can and should involve time for her to spend with the baby.  Maybe she can watch the baby when you take your shower, or take a nap, or spend some quiet time to rejuevenate yourself.

Make sure that you schedule specific Mommy and me time and let your guest know that this is specific bonding time for you and the baby.

You should be the one to put your child to sleep and be the one available in the middle of the night if necessary, this is important for your future relationship.

Tell your guest how much you appreciate her help in getting your baby on a schedule. If she tries to tell you how to raise your child (not the same as offering helpful hints) then you need to let her know that she has overstepped her bounds.

If she cannot respect what you are trying to do then she has an unatural need to have a relationship with your child and you may have to ask her to leave.

Answer 7

Don't worry about being rude.  Your guest needs to get out and do something else.  I think it's weird of your guest to spend so much time with your baby.  Does she not understand boundaries?

Answer 8

It sounds like you are jealous of her.  The whole "he smiles at her more than me," comment really says that to me.

Does she live with you?  Is she just visiting or something?  If she lives with you then its a little harder, if she is just visiting then calm yourself and let her have her fun with him as she'll be gone soon.

If she lives with you I would still let her have fun with the baby as she can watch him while you do what you need to do, be it a nap or errands or whatever.  If she likes him and he likes her then it sounds like a good match!

You are ultimately his mother though and if you feel uncomfortable then tell her so, don't sneak around and do so.  Also try to be pleasant as babies younger than yours can pick up on feelings.  He obviously likes her and when you get upset at that it can be confusing.  Maybe he likes her too because you don't spend enough time with him for whatever reason be it you're busy at work or whatever.  Babies need stimulation but dont take it personally!

Answer 9

maybe not rude more just a bit jealous, not that this is a bad thing it is your baby after all

you will probably just have to grin and bear it unless you want to risk upsetting them

Answer 10

I don't think it is rude! I think you should talk to your guest. I am sure they would understand, seems like a good person that loves your 10 week old

Answer 11

Haha! At least I am not the only one.

I too am a first time mother, and like you had someone who would come over - someone whom I didn't really know, my partners brothers ex. Whenever they came over she would smother my baby. And I was too shy to say to give him some time out. She would pick him up, walk around with him, if he cried she would like run over straight away and act like it was her job to stop him crying, hold him when it was stinking hot and I had put him down to cool off. Offer to change his nappy, and if I hadn't been breastfeeding I am sure she would have wanted to feed him too. She even had the nerve to ask to stay in the room during my labour - I mean I had barely even spoken to her ever and she asks that!!! She would ask to push the pram when we went out in public, if I ever left the room to use the loo like you did, she would be straight on top of him smothering him. I think once she even dipped her finger in her food and put it in his mouth when he was like a couple months old - What The h**l!!! Not to mention she got my partners brother to haul my son into the kitchen with her while she ate her food and I was in the same room - I could have taken him back!!! It drove me mad!

At least I was fortunate enough to not have her question what I did with my son though. Eventually I bit*hed to my partner enough about it that he went and talked to them about it - and since then I just crowd him and never offer for them to hold him. I really really dislike her after this experience. Now I kind of just wait for a chance where she does something wrong that I don't like to assert my authority as a mother. There is no better time to start than the present! You are this helpless baby's protector, you have to stand up for him and for how you want to raise him - or you will end up like me with people walking all over you.

You just had a baby so you could be their parent and do all this stuff, you don't need some overbearing guest thinking they are doing you a favour, who knows nothing about what they are doing, trying to take over your job! You are their mother, you get first priority - as a guest their only job is to have an occasional cuddle or hold him if you need a spare set of hands! Anything above this that you do not agree with is where you need to step up and tell them how you want things done. Tell them straight out or it will just keep happening.

Good Luck with your situation - its horrible to feel this way and think you are being an overprotective parent, and then stew over it and hate yourself later for not taking charge. Do what you think will be best for yourself and your baby, don't feel bad - you went through 9 months of pregnancy for this - they didn't, this is your chance to shine and spend the most time with your baby bonding as you can.  

Answer 12

Your the mom, you have the right to set boundries and say when i am home with him, i want to take care of him. I'm his mom, not you! Just say i really appreciate your help but i can do this also

Answer 13

Wow, your 10 week old is already smiling all the time!  Congratulations!  And I agree with the grin and bear it suggestion.

Answer 14

Normal.But you'll have to get used to standing up for yourself now you are a Mother...it took me a while too...like when strangers would talk to my baby or try to touch her...I was too shy to tell them to back off. Then I just started saying "She doesnt like strangers...dont touch her please"....they'd look at me funny but who cares? You are the boss as far as your baby is concerned...nobody else matters. Just say "I'd actually like some alone time with baby now" to your guest....and then leave the room. If she follows or does what she did when you went to the loo...just say "Oh...I thought I made it clear...we'sd like some Mother and baby time now" If THAT doesnt get through then chuck her out lol.  EDIT>>>EDIT....I f she says anything about blankets etc  again...then you say "Oh thank's for your concern but it's misplaced...I know what I'm doing" and then leave the room with a smile on your face so she cannot either comment nor be justified in being angry.

Answer 15

Sounds like a little Jealousy going on. But It might be the case that she is thinking that she is helping you and giving you a break. Why not give her some time with the baby while you do things that you need and when done say I think I want to play with him for a little while, Could you do Such and Such to help me? If this person is a guest then usually they are not permanently there and will be leaving, soon you won't have the help and will miss it. If she is overstimulating the baby nicely let her know that if he plays to much it will make the baby a grouch

Answer 16

So what if you are being rude, your baby.

Im having a similar thing myself at the moment. I have a foreign student staying with me and she keeps telling me what my son does and doesn't like, she has taken him out of his walker when i have not been in the room and the final straw was when i found her wondering into the lounge with him in her arms when i had put him to bed. He hadn't been crying and was in no way distressed just cooing and making quiet little noises like he does when you put him down for the night. Your just going to have to be blunt with her and if it offends her then so be it.