Am I being selfish here?

Question

I'm currently studying on my own, abroad for 4 years and I'm living at my Grandmother's house at the moment. She has 2 bedrooms in her house. The rest of my family are living in my Dad's hometown in a completely different country to me. Anyway, I've been here for 1 year so far and my dad stayed with me so that he could work and make money to look after my family abroad, the thing is, my gran's house only has 2 rooms and when my dad's over he takes the spare bedroom so I have to sleep in beside my gran. He said he's going to stay here the 4 years with me until I finish my degree for financial help and so that he can work to make money. I told my mum and dad I don't need them with me and that I can look after myself and make my own money, I don't want the whole family to be split up because of me.

I also don't want to have to sleep in beside my gran for 4 years, I need my own space and I told my mum and dad about this and they both got really upset and said I'm being spoilt and selfish and that my dad should stay with me so he won't have to waste money renting a flat.

Am I being selfish? I feel so rotten after my mum and dad said that..maybe I am selfish and horrible. How would you feel if this happened to you? I'm 20.

Answer 1

You are not being selfish because anyone in your position would feel the same way.  However, perhaps you are not being completely realistic.  Of course to rent another place would be a waster of money, unless of course you and your dad rented a two bedroom place and split the costs.  I agree the splitting of the family is very tough and no doubt your dad does not want to leave you alone in a foreign country without a mahrem.  So the good and correct intention on the part of your parents is there.  I would not like the lack of privacy as well, but it may be a temporary and necessary inconvenience until you can find some other kind of arrangement.  Best regards :)

Answer 2

In this case your dad has a right over you because he is your Mahram, and you should not be without your Mahram. So putting aside "wanting your own space" and "making your own money" and all this, what's more important is that you Obey Allaah and His Messenger and how can you stay without your mahram whilst Allaah has prohibited that?  

Answer 3

if your father insists to stay you cant do much if you dont with your gran u could sleep downstairs and possibaly make youself a study area sumwhere depends what your study time is if you work at night take a coner of the room downstairs study during the day then upstairs grans room  

Answer 4

Assalaam Alaykum sis!! How are you....?

NO sis of course you are not being selfish, I understand personal space is very much important and especially with studying you need to be on your own, masha'Allah your dad has made alot of sacrifices thus that is why they may be feeling like that. I suggest you speak to them again and tell them why you need your own space, I used to share a room with my sister and when I started to study it was so awful as I couldn't even be on my own for even 5 minutes! Thus I spoke to parents etc and we cleared the other attic and had it made for me, but of course your situation is different to mine as you have come to study abroad. Insha'Allah hope it all goes well,.

Answer 5

First of all IGNORE Abul Haarith! Yes you need to show respect to your parents but this is just silly. It's important to still voice your own opinions otherwise how will anyone know that you are unhappy. Once they know then you can respect their choice and decision. Now that you have told them and they have decided that you have to carry on sharing then your best option would be to sleep and study downstairs? (If there is sufficient room?) If not then maybe once your parents realise that there is not enough room then they may agree to you having your room back? Your study is important and i'm sure they realise that and frankly you are a little too old to be sharing a room with another person even if it your grandma. At the end of the day you need that degree (or whatever you are studying) to get a job where enough to live and your parents know that. :o)