Am I being terrrible for wanting to step out of a wedding?

Question

The wedding isn't until july '09. Its my cousin. We haven't dress shopped, made any plans, she hasn't even booked a venue. I just found out she has been talking about me behind my back calling me a b**ch because I didn't get her a discount for her wedding. I just don't feel like I should stand up for a girl who doesn't appreciate me or care for me as I thought she did. It wouldn't be terrible to back down now, right?

Answer 1

I'd drop out and be honest.  You can't feel supportive when you find out that she is doing nothing but crabbing behind your back.  She should select someone who she approves of.

Answer 2

maybe she's just stressed about her wedding. the best thing to do is confront her about it and see what she has to say.

Answer 3

I would step out of the wedding if she is acting like this, she probably won't even care.

Answer 4

First off, if you have ever played telephone as a kid you know that things can get severely twisted through the grapevine so she may have not really called you a b**ch. Keep that in mind and try not to hold a grudge.

However, this should be a happy thing. THere is no reason to stand up in a wedding if you don't want to when there has been little real commitmentt to it. She should have plenty of time to find someone else. If you just want out, tell her that you don't feel you can be there for her in the way she needs and it would be better if she found someone else. If you are willing to try to compromise, sit her down and talk to her about what she really wants out of you. If she was expecting you to get her piles of freebies then you can explain that you can't. If this is through your work, explain that there are strict rules for discounts and you can't risk your job on muscling one for her. If its through a friend or family member, explain that you can't ask someone else to do that, there are a lot of people connected to them in similar ways and it just isn't fair to beg. I don't know how else you would expect you to find her discounts.  

Answer 5

If she is act like this already,step out!

Do it now before it is too late!

Don't buy a dress and help plan the party then later down the line step-out!

You know how you feel,say something now!

When u are dealing with weddings and brides, if u don't agree the earlier the better!

Answer 6

There is plenty of time for her to find someone else! If she is talking behind your back and you feel this way, then back out now before it is to late!

Answer 7

Just tell her that you've really considered things, and you are just really worried that you won't have the time and money to give her the support she should have and that perhaps she would prefer someone else anyway.

It's not quite the whole truth, but it will be graceful.  And she may say "But I really want you to be in the wedding" at which point you could say that you've heard otherwise and it hurts your feelings.

And she may say "Okay"

But either way - you aren't the "bad guy" in your family.

Answer 8

Back out now, before you spend any money and before it gets worse. If she is behaving this way now, imagine what it will be like when the wedding gets closer and she is under even more stress. Back out gracefully and tactfully. You will be the bigger person. Good luck

Answer 9

Here's the thing:  If you don't support her any longer, graciously step out.  I don't think either party would be happy to have discord in the wedding party.  It will cause tension, and that's never pleasant.  If you feel the issue cannot be resolved, maybe write her a letter, or tell her in person.

It would be best to confront in a kind way about why she's been talking so poorly of you, and maybe discuss with her how hurtful it is, but if this is not an option, it's much healthier for you to get out of such a stressful situation.

Answer 10

Sounds to like the only reason she asked you to be in the wedding was for whatever connection you have that could save her some money.

It would NOT be terrible to back out now.  But, I would talk to her first and find out just what the deal is.

Answer 11

If this story is true, then I'd say you have the right to step down from your bridesmaid position.

I would talk to her first though, rumors have a way of mutating as they go around, and the information you have may not be correct.

Answer 12

If you don't feel comfortable then back out.  It's up to you.  Just remember just because something is causing a fuss now don't regret it in 15 years there is no going back.

Answer 13

I would totally back out now before you buy a dress etc. Sounds like the only reason she asked you was to get a discount, and now she's mad. That's rude of her to try to use you like that. Maybe, if you are worried about a family feud, you could talk to her about it and tell her how you feel, what you heard she was saying and how you don't think that is appropriate. Tell her that you thought you two were closer than that and how disappointed you are in decision to curse your name to others. It won't make you look bad for backing out, it will make her look bad! Do what your heart tells you to. If thats back out, then back out, girl!

Answer 14

Absolutely not!  

Answer 15

Na, just tell her you can't be her bridesmaid.  She has almost a year to pick someone else and she hasn't spent any money on it yet anyways.  I'd say go for it.

Answer 16

IF the only reason she wanted you was to get a discount, then she probably won't care that you back out.  As long as you don't have any money spent out, it is never to late to back out. She has almost a year to find a replacement, or maybe by then you will change your mind.

Answer 17

If she is acting like that, I would definitely step out!

Answer 18

YOU should NEVER participate in a wedding that makes you feel uncomfortable with the Bride or Groom or they feel uncomfortable with you because it will only lead to bigger problems.

Since you have not invested any money yet and they have not made any financial commitments yet (securing a ceremony or reception site) then it's a good time to say, "I've changed my mind."  You do not owe them a big explanation or story, just say, "I've changed my mind, I don't want to be in your wedding party." . . and move on.

Answered by:  A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 19

This does not sound like a good thing. If I were you I would probably drop out. It's still early and no money has been issued.