Am I being too hard on my live-in neice?

Question

She has been living with us for about 3 months now and EVERY night at supper time, its a struggle to get her to eat. Its so frustrating because she will only eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets. I have gotten her to eat chicken and corn without hassle but about every other time that we have it, she starts screaming, throws a temper tantrum and refuses to eat it, claiming that she doesnt like it. I only gave her about 3 bites of chicken and 15 corn kernels. Its not like im asking her to eat a whole plate full. And I know she likes it because she ate it without problem the last time. I cant keep giving her hot dogs and chicken nuggets every night! My husband says, its not worth the hassle and drama and its not our problem, she will be going back with her parents in 2 months. I think she is being naughty and I should not let her get away with this behavior and she should sit at the table until she eats it. She will never learn that there are rules if I let her have her way.What do you think?

Answer 1

I think she is probably just having a hard time being away from home, so hot dogs and chicken nuggets might be her comfort food and make her feel better. Not worth the fight for 5 months.

If it really is bothering, try to include her in the dinner process. Take her grocery shopping have her pick out her favorites and you two and cook the meal together- it may make her feel better.

Good luck and keep pushing through :)

Answer 2

Food and sleep are two very big control issues for kids.  When they feel they've lost control over other things in their lives, they will try to control what they can.   In this case, I am guessing that your niece is confused and frustrated about being away from her parents, so she's making food a control issue.

Short of inserting a feeding tube, you can't really force a child to eat what she don't want to eat.  But on the opposite side of the coin, no 7-year-old child yet has ever starved herself to death.   I would simply serve her whatever you are cooking for dinner for youself and your husband, and then it's up to her as to whether she eats it or not.    Either she won't eat it, in which case she goes to bed hungry (which WON'T kill her!), or she will find that she's starving, and give in and eat it.  Either way, it's a win-win situation.  Eventually, she will be too hungry to leave it on her plate, and she will eat it.

Answer 3

how old is she? My wife and I don't make different foods for the kids. We make one meal and either you eat it or you don't.  Sometimes we make what they like and sometimes we make what we like.

Answer 4

Having been a child who was forced to live with aunts and grandparents all her life please let me just tell you to try to muster as much patience as you can for her.

You don't mention the problems this child came from but I can only imagine. My worry is why if they can't care for her now they will magically be able to in 2 months?

It's great of you to take her but please don't let her feel like you think you are doing her a favor. All my life I was constantly reminded in all different ways just how "lucky" I was to have people take me in out of the goodness of their hearts. Children like this already feel HORRIBLE knowing that their parents can't or won't care for them. They don't need to feel like someone's chairty project. Mind you I'm not saying you're doing that, just hoping you don't.

If she were going to be in your home or a stable home it would be very worth it to work on the eating issues with her. But if she's being thrown back in to the same situation in two months, then sadly there probably isn't much point. Try to let her have at least a couple months of peace. Just be as loving as you can, believe me she needs it.

Answer 5

you didn't give an age...

i have a daughter who is 3yo.  we have similar struggles with her.  this morning it was pancakes with strawberry syrup (i made the strawberry syrup myself).  she loves strawberries, but absolutely refused them.  this one was an easy case of just giving her regular syrup instead, since it didn't involve making another whole meal for miss picky pants.

however, most nights that she pulls her "i don't like it" routine with foods we know she does like, she goes to bed hungry.  there are some nights when we make something she doesn't like (she has never like beef, and it made me sick when i was prego with her), then i will make something she does.  if she doesn't eat that either, she goes to bed hungry.  she gets no before bed snack either.  if her 2yo brother eats at lest half of his food (same rule applies for her, has to be at least half), then he get s a snack and she misses out.  it's a part of learning.  

on the that she doesn't eat dinner and goes to bed hungry, she usually has eaten all of her breakfast and lunch and has had whatever snacks were between them (there isn't one before dinner because we want them to eat that meal too), so it's not like she's being starved.

Answer 6

Dont worry about it too much. Continue to give her whatever you cook(no special orders just for her) for dinner. Trust me she will eat when she gets hungry! They will not starve themselves, make sure there are no snacks in between meals until she learns to eat what is givin to her. My children have always been very picky and at first i gave in bc i wanted them to eat. But then i stopped and now they have really broadened what they eat veggies and all. Pick your battles. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Um this poor child is in a new environment and away from her parents for 2 months....throwing tantrums is normal, you should be a little more sympathetic to her...go to google.com and type in my toddler won't eat anything...or recipes for children...it will give you ideas on how to hide veggies in their food..for now give her time to adjust to her new environment and remember she's just a child and needs as much love and affection especially since her parents aren't there...

Answer 8

I am mom of 2 kids both picky eaters,I know its frusterating.But if I dont feed them what they will eat then they dont eat or waste the food I gave them,My daughter well she is 6 now and I would offer her veggies with her hotdogs or a burger with everything and now she is eating good it took awhile alot of patience.Now my son is a different story he loves good food now to like salmon,steak,shrimp and healthy foods but he wont eat veggies,salads.But I still offer it to him and I also let them help me cook the food so they are more tempted to eat it and they try it after they help and feel proud.So I would give her time,so many kids are picky not spoiled but picky so maybe a little hard on her but its frusterated and try to be patient and if your worried about her health offer her those health drinks for kids,those shakes my kids love them..GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

Ok I'll probably get a lot of thumbs down for this so go ahead, bring it on, but I think you're being too hard on her. I saw one person suggest that you make chicken nuggets at home and buy better quality hot dogs and I think that's a good idea. If she'll eat pizza or spaghetti you can puree veggies and sneak it into the sauce. Make sure she takes a multi-vitamin. Most kids, even the pickiest eaters like fruit smoothies- you can make them with yogurt, frozen fruit and wheat germ. You can even add powdered milk for extra calcium. She only has two more months with you and she's been through a lot. I just feel like a more gentle approach (sneaking nutrition in her instead of the constant struggle), would be more effective and easier on EVERYONE involved in the situation. If it were just your average kid acting spoiled then I'd be giving different advice but this kid has had a lot of disruption in her life that she didn't ask for and I think you have to take that into consideration- poor thing. =[ I think you sound like a great Aunt and she's lucky to have you but I'd go a little easier on her when it comes to the food because there are other ways to deal with it- you just have to be creative. Maybe you could even try having her help you prepare the food, that might perk her interest. Good Luck! =]

Answer 10

she is 7...  why did you sister leave the child with you if you are not able to care for her?  Splurge on Cheese hot dogs that are all beef and make chicken tenders instead of buying microwave nuggets.  Your story sounds like the news reports right before the kid goes to the hospital, you have let her do this for 3 months and suddenly you feel the need to change?  This is your fault, face the music and feed the kids alternative food like I suggested for the whole 2 months she has left there..