Am I being too unreasonable or is my husband just not interested anymore?

Question

My husband and I have been married now for one year and 3 months. I n the beginning of our marriage I gained a little weight and did not take pride in my appearance. I was laid off from my job in Feb and am now working in the Entertainment industry, not pornography or stuff like that Television Entertainment. Working in an environment like this I had to spice up my style. I lost a decent amount of weight, took a lot more pride in my appearance and now I feel very confident in myself. My husband on the other hand seems to have lost interest. We don't do the grown up as much as we used to when we dated and if we do I initiate, he is not affectionate AT ALL and he does not look at me the same. I know it's not me because I look good but what could it be. I understand he has a stressful job and I give him his space when needed but I am a woman too and I have needs. There are so many men at work wo are very attractive and I am more than sure that they think the same, not to be conceited, I just don't understand what the h**l the issue is with my hubby? I really do love him and would not dream of hurting him so cheating or having an affiar IS SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION! I am the type of person who loves s*x! Like really love s*x and if I didn't choose the lifestyle I have now, I would have made a phenomenal p**n star. What do I do when it gets to the point where I am TIRED of telling my husband the same S**T every other weekend, I try to plan little romantic getaways, when he comes home late I always try to where some cute panties with not top or I try to flip it and wear a bulky robe and hint that there is nothing underneath. We are considering counseling but if there is any advice out there please offer it. Thanks!

Answer 1

Whoa!! You should be talking to him about all this, not random people on the internet

Answer 2

Yeah I agree with one of the other answers, if you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life stay with him; you've only been married one year and already he's not paying you attention, you wait til you've been married five or ten....you will be sleeping in different rooms and miserable. It sounds to me you are making way more of an effort and it really takes two to have a successful marriage. Try counsiling, find out what his deal is, I hope you can figure it out and fix the issue before divorcing. But it's things like this that cause affairs to take place and then divorce. Good luck  

Answer 3

Well when i read this i was like...WOAH.

so what you should do isjust sit down with him and tell him that you wont more out of your relationship.

But make it clear that you still love him and you love him so much you want more of him.

Something short and simple to tell him would be,

Baby, i love you but we need to share more intament moments because i love you.

Answer 4

Counseling may be a good idea.

Answer 5

Very easy...unzip and go down on on him...In my opinion, if you keep working where you are working, you will have an affair. It will lead to chaos in your relationship and possibly divorce.  If you value your marriage, then you would find some other occupation. ITs just a question of time before you have some little "do the grown up" thing...Take Care and be blessed

Answer 6

Sounds like you were depressed at the beginning of your marriage. Usually women in the first few years really look and feel fantastic from all the stuff that happens. Seems like you were really unhappy, do you remember why? That would be the clue to where you are now. When you were first married was he the person who made the moves all the time? Was he mostly in control? Were you sad and unhappy about this? Seems as if a marriage so new should not be having these sorts of troubles, its I hate to say, (destined to fail) a bad sign if its like this in year two. Honestly, you sound as if you are using s*x as a weapon rather than a getting together of two people who care for one another.

I understand your frustration, I've been married for twenty-five years and I have seen so many couples unable to just respect one another and be able to talk things out. So much anger and name calling gets in the way. You sound as if you are trying to change your husband into something he is not! Perhaps your perception of s*x is different from his entirely.  

Answer 7

maybe you should use erotic stuff to turn him on you know what i mean  

Answer 8

I am sorry you are feeling so aw-full, but have you considered that maybe he is feeling threatened by the way you look now and maybe he feels like he is not good enough for you..... try talking to him, open and honest and find out what he is feeling then maybe you will be able to work on your needs.

Answer 9

talk to him about it

Answer 10

Don't just consider counseling, do call someone at once. It's not too late to get back the romance, especially if he loves you. You might also ask him if he loves you. Once that is gone, it's hard to get it back, but there is still some hope. Any marriage nowadays is worth saving, so at least give it a try. I hope things work well for you and your husband. Oh, and you might also suggest a weekend getaway to some place romantic.  

Answer 11

Hate to mention this but have you ever thought that he might be having an affair?  It appears that somewhere along you two lost something you had and if he has no desire to get it from you then he might be getting it somewhere else.  Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 12

aww sweety its sad when u hear stuff like this about one spouse wanting the other to be intimate and then one is not cooperating, all the advice that i have for u hun is to talk to him about why he is so uninterested in the s*x w/u, find out what''s the matter, there must be something up why he's all of a sudden disinterested in s*x, could it be b/c u lost the weight and found self esteem in yourself?I have no idea, but either way he should be proud of u that u have lost  the weight and have found ur self esteem back, so just talk to him, I do wish u all the best though!

Answer 13

he wants a divorce.

im srry hun xox.

Answer 14

Try talking to him. Mabey ask him the same question you asked us. Don't let him make you feel isolated.

Answer 15

First off you sound very very very conceited sorry but you praise yourself way to much.  

Probably what happen was your husband loved the person you used to be and now you have changed and he is not interested.  Such a said sorry but you sound to me like you are the one with tha problem...

Answer 16

I am in the same exact situation you are.  I've actually asked advice on here too because it's sooooo hurtful and I totally understand.  I finally just went and told my husband that I loved s*x and there was NO WAY I could live like this forever so he had a decision to make.  He either had to address the situation in a way that was comfortable to him and deal w/it to create change or I could not continue the rest of my life this way.  I told him it hurt and that at first I thought it was me...I too got a gym membership and lost weight, but then I realized that I knew I was beautiful and felt very s**y and had situations where other men confirmed my feelings but that it was his decision for this relationship to be this way not mine.  This for me was a deal breaker and I was honest w/him in the beginning of my relationship w/him that I could NEVER have a marriage without an active s*x life.  Since this conversation my husband has been trying 100% but now I'm dealing w/how his actions for such a long time affected my feelings for him.  Now we are having a whole different problem because I let it go on so long that I trained myself to distance myself from him to keep from being hurt so much and now I can't bring myself to be w/him and am really questioning whether or not I want to continue our marriage.  Don't wait too long to solve this and don't let him off so easy.  Get in his face girl and demand change.  Good Luck to you.  If you ever just want to talk w/someone who's in the same situation, just e-mail me.

Answer 17

Counseling is a good idea, but there is something odd here.  You have gotten to the point where you have decided together to consider counseling, but what else have you talked about?

Your story says you know that communication is important here, but you have to talk about the problem.  If you two jumped straight to the idea of counseling without finding any intermediary solutions, I think you are not really communicating.  You should have at least three failed solutions first.  If you jumped right to the idea of counseling, its kind of like saying "We're not going to talk about this".

Maybe you two don't talk well, and maybe that would be a good reason to talk to a counselor.  Barring that, talk about some specific solutions and implement them together.  Probably a lot will fail, but its the getting there that is fun.  You have to learn about each other.

Answer 18

He may feel intimidated by your success. I think marriage counseling sounds like a great idea. You deserve to have your needs met, too.

Answer 19

Ask your husband point blank about his feelings. Ask him how the changes you have gone through affect him. Ask him if he has any concerns on his job that may be affecting his home life. Ask him what you can do, in his opinion, to be a better wife. Tell him what he can do, in your opinion, to be a better husband. Hope it works out for you. Remember to keep the lines of communication open.

Answer 20

Come on, girl, don't waste your life with this guy.... gosh. ☼