Am I being too uptight about this?

Question

My man is supposed to be proposing to me. He already asked me to marry him, but wants to do it the right way because he asked me on the phone. He doesn't have a very good history of making dicisions on his own. He always comes to me to help him out on his decision making. I used to get annoyed with it but now I'm just used to it so I expect it. Well I feel like I've been really pushy on him getting me a ring. I've been looking on line for pretty rings and I also went to a jewelry store. I should just step back and let him do it, but I'm afraid it won't get done if I leave it up to him. I know that he doesn't have a lot of money right now, and he said that he wanted to get out of a little bit of debt before he gets me a nice ring, but I just want like a $600-700 ring. Nothing fancy. I've never been given any type of jewelry by men because they are either too poor, or just never got anything. So the fact that I'm getting an ENGAGEMENT ring is big for me.

Answer 1

you said you were used to the fact that you had to make all the decisions, doesn't sound like it,,,you sure?

Answer 2

Well, there are two ways to look at this.

1.  If you don't push the man to do it, he never will.   Risk is that he may resent you being overly aggressive.

2.  You don't push him at all and you end up stuck in pre-engagement limbo forever.  Risk is that you'll waste your prime years with someone who isn't ready to committ to you.

Answer 3

He's already asked, so you know he wants to get a ring.  As long as he didn't ask years ago, just wait.  it should only happen once in your life.  The waiting is the hardest part, but it will make the moment that much more precious.

He may be embarrassed he can't afford the one he wants to get.  If you push to much, you might ruin a good thing.  Just be patient, your excitement may be getting the better of you.

Answer 4

I say take a step back. This is something that he says he wants to do the right way, so you need to trust that he can do it himself. That's what he wants to do anyway.

I was wondering why you could only be proud of a ring that was $600-700? Why not be happy that the man you love is asking to marry you? If he is in debt, he might not be in the financial situation to spend that kind of money on a ring.

Answer 5

Let him get it. Its more romantic that way. Plus its more from him than you. You push it and its like a gift to yourself, but -"hey! he's paying!" You dont want to look back and remember that one of the most important things he gave you was actually something you made him give.

Answer 6

How is his passive aggressive nature going to impact your lives and marriage? That's something worth reflection as there will be times where decision will have to be made, things protected, and things stood for. Why $600-$700? I couldn't care less what my ring cost, but I am aware that it cost $210. To me it's a symbol of the love and commitment we share, and sweet because he unknowingly chose the very ring I wanted =]

I would leave it up to him, and not push him. Recognize the difference between being a team and being dependent, and use it as a an indicator whether he does or doesn't get you a ring.

Answer 7

If he has already proposed then he knows that he needs to get you a ring. I wouldnt push him any more about it or it will ruin the fun and excitement of getting engaged. When he is ready, then he will do it.

Answer 8

Stop being a puppet master and wait to give him a chance to ask you "the right way" as he put it.  Take a chill pill and stop being so controling.  Do you just want the ring and all the fuss and attention of a wedding or do you love this man and want to be his wife?  Why is the size and cost of the ring so important?  Slow down missy and check your motivation here.

Answer 9

Let him do it. If you push too much then you might end up loosing him. He needs to make this big decision on his own.

If it doesn't get done then he wasn't really ready to get married in the first place.

Don't worry hun, it will happen if its meant to be.

Answer 10

600-700 dollars?

I don't give a rats behind about how much a symbol of his and my love costs.

We did look at rings so he knew a ballpark idea(so it wasnt too big and gawdy, I have small fingers). But I told him I didn't really care how much it costs or where he got it from because I'm in love with HIM, not a peice of metal...

If you Love someone, you should be proud of it nomatter what....  I knew people who got married and their wedding set cost them 10 dollars. then ended up getting a better set about a year later, but they were just happy to be together.

Getting engaged is big for alot of people too(including myself) ^_~

Answer 11

You should just let him do it. 600 is a pretty good price for a ring. You could always just go shopping together!

Answer 12

Ok you want to be his mommy or his wife?

Just step back and let him do it

If you're afraid he "can't" , then why marry someone like that? You'll be having to do everything for him forever. Besides, he told you  that he wanted to get out of a little bit of debt before he gets you a nice ring. Lay off.