Am I being unfair or unreasonable?

Question

Okay, so my problem is that my parents have this annoying as h**l adoptive "son" who totally disrespects everyone in my family. (He's only 12 years old!) And I'm expecting my first child and they have it stuck in their thick skulls that he's an uncle to my child. Biologically he's not the same blood as me or anything and I do not want to associate him at all with anything to do with my child but my parents refuse. They keep saying: "He's an uncle! He's part of the family!" I could argue for hours about it with them but they wont listen. I've been thinking that maybe if I tell them that until they get it through their heads that he's not an uncle to my precious kid then they can not expect to see me, my boyfriend, or our baby until they agree with me! Do you think I'm being too harsh or whatever? I could really use some help & advice. Thanks.

Answer 1

Yeah thats pretty harsh and pretty hard to give good advice without knowing your family's history.

First off what if you were the adopted one and your sibling didnt want to acknowledge you? It would probably hurt your feelings. As it will probably hurt your brother, especially if he's adopted he can take it very harshly even if he is only 12. I can understand maybe he wont have no bitter feelings about it if hes a bad kid and out of hand, which maybe that would be an acceptable reason for not wanting to call him an uncle.

Also I guess it depends how long he has been in the family. If he's been there for quite sometime and you don't want to call him uncle simply for the pure fact he's adopted is a selfish reason. I don't want to be mean, but that is harsh of you to do that.

I guess what it comes down to is what you really feel deep in your heart, maybe he's done some bad things that you don't want your kid to associate with (hes on;y 12 with a lot of growing up to do, I think that would be bad if you judged him so young), but if he is a decent person all you're doing is denying your child a loving uncle.  

Answer 2

I think you are being selfish. Your parents have adopted a child therefore he is family. You do not have to love/like him but he is an uncle under legal terms. He might be a great friend and help to your child if you do not alienate him. Hopefully he will outgrow his "annoying" stage. Congratulations on you first baby to be.

Answer 3

techniqually he is, by law but not by blood. but if you really don't like him you can disown, just simply say that to your parents, that he's not your childs uncle, and whatever you stated in your ques. and i don't think your being harsh, your telling how you feel and what you think, and they should respect that. its your child anyway. hope i helped =)

Answer 4

Yes you're being extremely unfair and unreasonable and I hope it's hormonal overload from the pregnancy.

Answer 5

I just wanted to cry when I read this.  I have adopted a beautiful little girl.  If I have biological children and they say this to me one day, I would feel like I failed as a parent.  Just because your brother did not grow in your mom doesn't mean he any less their child than you are!

You are being very selfish.  He is a tween and is probably having identity issues (who could blame him?) and is acting out because of it.  Maybe if you tried warming up to him and treating him with respect, he would return the favor and do the same towards you and your child.  Maybe him feeling like he is truely your son's uncle will help him to know that he is really part of your family.

Answer 6

Your parents adopted this boy and gave him their name.  When you adopt a child that child is the same as you gave birth to him and equal to any other child they might have.  And he is your brother and you are his sister and he will be an uncle to your baby.

It just doesn't matter what you like or want it to be, that is the way it is.  And any court will state the same thing.  Your brother is just as much a part of the family as you are and I know your parents are hurting because of your attitude toward their son.

Like you said he is only 12 and will outgrow his

annoying attitude.   All 12 years old are annoying because of hormone changes I think.

You must change your attitude toward this child.

He is only a child.   Try to put yourself in his situation where your brother didn't want to claim you because you were adopted.  You would feel terrible and so does your brother and he's just a little boy and his family is all he has.

Blessings

Answer 7

Yes, you are being really unfair. I agree, your adoptive brother(if ya wanan call it that) is being very disrespectful and should be happy your family went through all means to take him under their arms. The only thing is, no matter how much of a douchebag he is, you need to respect your parents, and he is your adoptive brother. If your parents wanna think of him as an uncle, let them, it's not like he has any responsibilities, and he won't really until the baby it older, and chances are by then he'll be older and more mature. How do you think he'd feel if your parents went up to him and said your not part of the family and don't deserve to be an uncle.

Answer 8

well, actually he is then the uncle... but then you are also right cause he has nothing to do with your child. Up to you.. if you want him as the uncle then that's your choice. But i guess you may be a bit harsh.. cause your parents love that 12 year old boy, and he is  your 'brother'

but you are also right, cause he has nothing to do with you or your family

Answer 9

Ohmigosh, how old are you?  13!  This rant sounds like a kid, not someone who's going to have a child to raise in this world.  Obviously you're messed up because your child isn't even going to have a stable home to be raised in.  Do you expect a "boyfriend" to stick around once there's a baby stealing his show?  Give me a break.  Grow up and become a responsible parent.  Then, maybe you'll see that "uncles" don't always have to be blood relatives.  Puhleeeeez!

Answer 10

  I wouldn't go so far as to argue about them with the title that they're giving him so much.  I mean, let's say your husband had a brother you hated, he'd still be an uncle to your child.  It's just a title.  

  Now, if you're worried they'll let him alone with your baby or something that's where you're in complete control.  He doesn't have to be around your child any more than you let him.  I'm not sure in what ways he "completely disrespects" other people in your family, whether it's normal 12-year-old angst type stuff or if it boders on inappropriate to scary.  If it's just annoying stuff I would say grin and bear it, he'll probably grow out of it.  If it's on the other end, then limit your time and don't let him alone with your child.