Am I being unreasonable about this person who might be my friend? It's a long read,but PLEASE BE HONEST?

Question

Anyway, I'm supposed to turn 21 next month and am NOT looking forward to it *at all*.

A week or two ago, a friend (back then, anyway) sent me a text message asking me if I was going to celebrate my 21st birthday. It feels to me like she's been pressurising me to do so (She's havign a black tie event for hers) and when I told my mum this, she said that she didn't think this friend was being deliberately bitchy or anything,... it was just that she couldn't see that we both had very different social circumstances.

Anyway, when she asked me in a text message, this is what I replied whilst in a spate of PMS-induced fury topped up with her pressures(adapted from my text speak)

"Why do you insist I should celebrate my 21st when

a)I have NO friends from uni or college

b)I can count the amount of people I'd trust to have round my house on the fingers of one hand

c)The holiday[more on that if you ask, although it's irrelevant I think] was gonna be the closest thing to a 21st birthday "celebration"

d)My birthday's on the first day of induction week when I'll be helping out the freshers[at uni as I'm going into my second year]

e)I can't afford to do anything and

f)I DON'T WANT TO!

Nobody gives a 5h1t about you when you get to that age, you're expected to have to deal with bills and things [generic living and survival] on a ridiculously tight budget and you no longer have time to do what you want.

NOW do you see why I don't want to do anything? Plus, what if I decided to hold a party somewhere and something got stolen like at my 14th[my aunt's Calvin Klein watch which meant the world to my mum as this aunt was her sister had not long ago died at the time].

People would more than likely get drunk and therefore be more likely to cause damage/steal/wahtever else and I can't imagine guests being very happy if there was no booze... not to mention the pressure!"

Answer 1

She still wants to be your friend so call her and apologize in person it will be better this way you can't just let your friends go because of a small problem like this

Answer 2

i'm afraid from what you've explained you do seem unreasonable!

You were rude to your friend when it appears she just wanted to make sure she saved time in her diary for your brthday, which most of us would probably just presune to do.

then given the fact that she text and messaged you and sounded so nice about it, the least you can do is apologise and count your lucky stars you have such a nice friend.

Answer 3

Yes you are being unreasonable.

She is trying to bring you 'out of yourself.' She is a true friend because she cares a lot about you. She is not being big headed or anything about her own party. It is just the way things are for her.

You are looking a life very seriously and negatively too. Your friend is trying to help you even if it is in a strange way.

Try to lighten up and enjoy your life. 21 is a wonderful age. Enjoy your youth.

Answer 4

well that was a ***** reply of you to write, and that facebok message from her was extremely patronising for some reason, i think just the end bit "just don't do that again to me" but i would leave it and carry on as normal, if you find ou dont like her then dont, your life remember not ours

Answer 5

I dont think you were being unreasonable i think you were being emotional. I dont think your friend meant any harm, sounds like she was caring for you and it actually sounds like a very good friendship to me... too good to lose over a petty squabble. You are both just coming from different places, i hate celebrating my birthday and have been in similar situations with friends who just dont understand it at all. But you have a right not to have a party just as she has a right to have one.

Yeah, we are all emotional at times and thats ok, i think she will understand when you start talking.

good luck, and happy birthday :-/

Answer 6

i think you made decision telling her what's what. If you don't want a 21st then you dnt have to have one and you cant be pressurised into having one by this so called "friend". Additionally, i think the facebook message was completely a desperate attempt to gain attention. i think this as she put "just don't do that again to me" as it was completely unnecessary and she should feel bad for what she has done to you. I hope you don't feel bad about what you have done as i think you made the right decision!  

Answer 7

You're definitely being unreasonable. She was only trying to get you to have some fun on your 21st, and making sure she would be able to come to the event. That's really nice - a lot of friends wouldn't bother doing that. Please don't let this friendship go when it's so obvious you're being unreasonable towards her - apologize and try to move on & forget about it.

What do you have against parties anyway? I love them!! I'd party every night if I could lol Definitely gonna be partying big time on 21st birthday!!

Good luck anyways hun.

Answer 8

I think that you are being very unreasonable.

What you don't see to understand is that, to your friend at least, a birthday is a special time.  It's a time to celebrate the person born on that day.  Why are you so angry at her for feeling that you are special, and should have a special day?  If she were selfish, she wouldn't even care and would instead focus on her own party.

By writing that note to her, you took every negative emotion you feel about your

birthday and projected it onto her.  In effect, you are blaming her for the fact that you are too angsty and depressed this year to eat a d**n cake and lighten up.

Maybe her message back was harsh, but can you blame her?  Imagine you are just trying to be nice and make a person feel special, and that person went off on you like a freaking explosion.  You hurt her feelings, and probably pretty badly.

No one can force you to have a party if you don't want to.  No one's saying that you have to.  But why be mean to someone who actually cares enough about you to try and spend time with you--probably for the sole purpose of cheering you up.

Answer 9

You are being unreasonable.  If you don't want to talk to her then say so.  Studies show that some people do better when keeping emotions to themselves.