Am I being unreasonable with the daycare director?

Question

My kids are in a daycare/preschool and have been students there for the past two years. They love it, I like the teachers and the school, it's convenient to where we live, they offer an after school program as well, so when my oldest starts kindergarten next month, he'll be able to be bussed to the same center with the teachers and surroundings he knows and loves.

However, we've had an issue with the director and my youngest son. He was nearing four years old when he finally got fully potty-trained -- no accidents ever. They transferred him to the three-year-old classroom with the rest of the kids his age, then transferred him back to the older toddler room until he got fully potty trained.

He got fully potty trained a few months ago, but they haven't transferred him over yet, saying at the end of August, all the kids move up. This means he'll only be one year behind, instead of two, which is just not good enough.

Answer 1

As a daycare owner, I do not feel that your being unreasonable.  I do understand the potty training issue on behalf of the daycare, but anyone that works with kids should know that boys can take up to 3 1/2 to 4 to potty train and should offer facilities to accomidate.  After all isn't his education more important.  He will be able to bounce back  to his age group.  Just work with the basics at home.  If they are both comfortable with there environment and your happy with the facility otherwise, you might not want to uproot their stability.  Having a stable environment is also very important.  Quality childcare is hard to find.  Many put up a front, but the real deal may not be what you want and you may switch and find you and your kids are unhappy with the environment.

Answer 2

You know, it seems to me that you are being given the run around by the day care.  They seem not to care about the children, or your kid wouldn't have been moved down at all.  The average age of being potty trained is FOUR YEARS OLD.  Your child is right on the proper course of development.  Withdrawl your children before that place does any more damage.  Its not fair to him to be treated that way, and it certainlly won't help him in the long run.  You may have to work with him at first to help him get up to speed, but it will be worth it.  Your kids will adjust to the change fairly quickly.

But it will damage your child socialy to be a year behind, and even worse if he's two years.  It also doesn't brood will from him later in life, like when he's looking for a job, to be the only 19-20 year old just graduating from high school, don't you think?  Get him out of their and into a place that cares enough to put him with kids his own age.  He needs to learn to interact with children his age, or he will always be behind in that respect.

Answer 3

No you're not being unreasonable - if he is now potty trained and there are no accidents (other than those which *all* children of his age may have from time to time) then there is no reason why he should not join the other children of his own age - he is being discriminated against for what he *was* not what he *is*.

Insist on him being treated according to *his* needs (to be with children of his own age) or,as you propose,find somewhere else where he can be (but only as a last resort because why should he be moved?) - but don't let that school off of the hook - insisting on your boy's rights is also insisting on *all* of the children's rights.

Good luck and more power to your elbow!

                                                                        Joan.

Answer 4

I think the director is being ridiculous! Is this a school based all about potty habits? Why do they put such a huge amount of energy in this topic? How is he doing in other areas?  Is he making friends? a good listener? have good small motor skills? Etc.. There is so much more to a child than potty training. I have a 4 year old child in my class that still has potty issues, but he reads , has many friends, participates in the class , is very athletic etc.... I can't imagine if I held him back for one little delay. I would really question the director.

good luck!

Answer 5

Well since the " Director" has been gone for 6 wks, there has to be someone taking over that person's place! That doesn't make sense that " the person who is gone called the director "  is the only person who can only make this decision in transferring him back to his own age group!!

Have you checked with other people who work there? Have you talked around with any parents? Is this a public school or private? If its public, there should be the main district office. How long does your son have til he goes to K-G? If your son enjoying himself in where he is at? He is not happy in where he is?

But if you have done " YOUR HOMEWORK" no your not being unreasonable. If you think its right do what you are needing to do for your son.

Good Luck

Answer 6

If you aren't happy with what's going on, you need to do what is best for you family.  That's what makes us good parents.

Answer 7

no i think it is completely reasonable

you want your son (and any other children) to interact with kids their own age

Answer 8

You've received great advice so far, and pretty much everyone is in agreement that your child does need to be moved and the director is completely out of line.  The only other thing I would add is - who OWNS the daycare?  It must be owned by somebody, could be a corporation, could be the director, could be someone else.  If a corporation owns it, then there should be some sort of customer service route you can take - so ask.  If the director owns it, hmmm, that gonna be a hard one, but I'll go into that in a sec.  If someone else owns it, demand to get their number and contact them about the situation.  If they give you the same run around, sad to say, but you might have to withdraw.

As for the director owning it and being gone, number 1, she/he must have put someone in charge; in most states, this is the law - a person must be designated by the director the be in charge/make decisions in the director's absence.  I'm guessing this person does not want to make a decision that they will later receive punishment for.  Also, you could also contact your state's dayare licensing office and discuss the situation with them.  They may have specific laws concerning age issues which could site the daycare "out of compliance."  I know these are all very "un-nice" ways to handle your situation, but it seems to me that you have been more than patient.

Answer 9

From your answer, I wonder if the situation is your approach.

You seem very nice, very much an advocate for your kids, but mentally disorganized.  (all the add ons).  Perhaps a bit high-strung.

Yes, you are getting the run-around.  Partly this is on you, as your son wasn't potty trained by 3 and in preschool-land this is a big no-no (although in the real world it happens all the time).  Consequently he had to get moved to a non-potty trained room.

Problem is numbers.  When you son moved from a class, they had to fill his spot in his right room.  Now there isn't an opening for him is probably the problem (they just aren't saying that).  They can't hold an opening for him - it's all about the all-mighty dollar, not the kids.

It's summer, give them to the end of August.  Tell them that he needs to be "moved up" all the way to the age appropriate room.  If he is not, you have to consider finding a place that has a spot for him in the right aged room.   Use the time until the end of August to find a Plan B.

I'd also have a friend call and just see what they say if someone asks if they have an opening in the age-room that you want your son in.  That will tell you a lot.  If they have an opening for someone that calls in, but not your son, the for some reason it is personal and you'll have to deal with that.

Stay Calm.  Do not seem agitated or too high strung.  Just CALMLY explain that your chid needs to be a program that is  best going to prepare him for Kindergarten and if the can't provide that there for him, you're just going to have to find somewhere that can.  No drama, no fuss, just the facts.  But be prepared to follow-through.

They care about kids so long as it is convienent and doesn't interfere with profits.

Answer 10

Wow...a lot of details...

Look,you need to do what's best for your family.I don't think it's unfair for him to be older...I was in the same situation as your son...when I was in daycare of course:DLOL...And I got used to it.I don't recommend you doing something with your child against your will but eh...

Good luck!

Answer 11

I can understand the delay. Most preschool rooms aren't equipped for diaper changing.  Also a lot of places wait until certain dates to move kids. That way groups of children move to the next room at the same time. It helps with the transition if they move up with a buddy unlike moving up by themselves at thier birthday. Since they do it that way it probably means they would be out of ratio to move your son up early. However in August  they should bump him up two "grades" so to speak not just one.

Answer 12

He needs to be in the class he should be in, it is not fair to him to be behind. He should not be any years behind because of potty training. I remember I had A four year old who would pee all the time but he was never moved because of it, Me being the teacher had to do my job and assisit the child.

Answer 13

I don't think you are being unreasonable and I think you should discuss this with whoever is in charge at the moment. Don't be in a rush to pull your kids out as they are happy and and it seems convenient for you. You may not find a place that you are as happy with or it may make it hard on the kids. This seems to be the only thing upsetting you about the centre, and rightly so, but try to do what you can to resolve the issue butfore taking a big step. Hopefully the director is due back - she has had a big break.