Question:

Am I being used? By my wife!!?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

My wife of 11 years came home last Tuesday at 4:30am.

She went to the movies with another female and 2 males.

She has a history of meeting guys on the internet (but swears nothing happened).

I do have trust issues with her. In the past 6 years she continues to lie and act strange. That's usually how I catch her. I am sick of her dishonesty.

She is trying to play the "you don't show me affection/help with the kids/do your share of the housework" card as her defense.

Divorce or separation was never brought up until I questioned her whereabouts Monday night.

She left Thursday night as well. She came home at 1am.

I stayed at home and watched the kids. I didn't ask her where she went. I didn't want a lie, and probably couldn't handle the truth.

She says she wants me out.

She says we are finished.

When I ask if she wants a divorce she says she can't commit to one.

When I try to leave she says "Stay til you find a place".

I have to give her gas/food money because she spent her check on ?.

I am doing 95% of the housework as well as working 60 hours a week.

She says she will go to counseling but will not commit to our marriage. She says she needs me to move out asap (when I find a place). It's hard to find a place and pay bills here at home.

Her birthday is Tuesday and I offered to take her out. Not a date, just out. She says no.

She will allow me to take her to a concert next weekend. She says she will go with me if I want, and regardless she will go with or without me.

I think If I don't move out before next weekend she will have me watch the kids while she goes.

 Tags:

   Report

31 ANSWERS


  1. Shes a mom she can't go out and just do what she wants and come hom late. IT's not your job to do all the house work take care of the children and give her money all the time.

    Yes I think she is using you so she can have a good time. I would divorce if it was me.


  2. Yes. Make an appointment with a divorce attorney as soon as possible.

  3. This is one big mess:  What is a bit shocking to me is why you have put up with all of this "bull" for so long.

    Anyway, my advice to you is to go to see a psychotherapist, licensed one, ASAP; and try to gain insight through the session(s) as to what your present feelings are as to your spouse and also as to why you have allowed yourself to become a subject of her abuse.

    Then, after consulting with a divorce attorney you trust, do whatever next step is best for you.

  4. That woman sounds like a nut, not to mention rather mean and manipulative.

    Time to find yourself a lawyer.

  5. You shouldn't have married her in in the first place if you say there has always been trust issues. Anyhow, leave her and make sure you have a good lawyer. You're being used and you don't deserve to be treated like this.  

  6. She is using you, Well she is out running around and your a falling for it all. Tell her to leave since she seems to have a problem with be home and being a wife.You have every right to the house and kids as she does.Dont let her play you for a fool. Good Luck

  7. Sorry to say sweetheart but yes she is right now you are a sitter, maid and a walking atm. If she is not committed to the marriage then why should you be. I am sure there is a women that would love to have a man that is committed. Make sure you keep the kids out of the mess but you have to get rid of her.

  8. its time to get out of that unhealthy relationship, she is not treating you the way you deserve, you sound like a great guy, you will find someone great, who treats you the way you deserve.

  9. Getting used.  Why do we keep going back and getting used over and over again...

  10. Seems like you are the perfect man for her, bring in the cash, mind the kids etc while she goes out and plays...No wonder she doesn't want you to leave...Wake up and see you are being sucked in...

  11. Dude, i only got half way thru it.

    she is purely a w***e.

    she is and has been cheating on you.

    get divorce and move on.

    you really have to or else you gan2 keep on getting used and eventually she migh get an STD from one od those guys and u get screwd!!

    divorce is the only way man

  12. move out

    take your money

    take the kids

    take your stuff

    leave her to be alone

  13. You need to grow a set of balls. Why should you move out? You are paying the bills, doing the housework, and watching the kids? She wants you to move out? What the h**l is wrong with you. Get a divorce lawyer, change the locks and sue her for support. Tell her that she isn't running your life anymore and she can go and stay with one of her boyfriends(tell her to take pictures for your lawyer). Throw her the h**l out!!!!

  14. go to court for your house and kids

  15. Sounds like she has some serious issues with you. Like everything she is doing she is doing to hurt you and see what you reaction is like. I think she just wants to know how much you care for her and how much you will fight for her. If you are saying you will leave/divorce/ etc then it's telling her that you dont care much. By her telling you to stay till u find somewhere she is speaking indirectly to you. She wants you to stay but something needs to change somewhere. What are her main insecurities? That she thinks you dont trust her? Did u ask where she was till 430am? I dont know it sounds very complicated and maybe you both need to sit and work out where things are going wrong. all the best.

  16. I say get a divorce, lawyer, and move out. Cut her out of your life. Quit giving her money. But if you are smart listen to your heart and not the people of yahoo answers

  17. Ive learned something about relationships, and that is I can be miserable by myself.I was once in a bad marrage it was not near as bad as your situation.We just couldnt get a long.Everything was fine as long as she got her way.Marrage is a 50/50 thing.I made the decision to cut my losses and move on no matter what I tried I couldnt make it work.I figured out the reason I couldnt was because she wouldnt meet me half way.Look, your wife is useing you dont let her make a fool out of you anymore.If she wants you to move out asap then take her advice and do it the sooner the better! Take your kids with you, you are watching them and caring for them anyway.Move on now with your life dont keep waiting.Quit letting her use you!

  18. Man, you are in bad shape, quit now and stop being a wimp and a door mat for that ho !  Get a divorce attorney and dump that B&*itch !

  19. when people don't want to be accountable they point the finger at the other spouse blaming them so they can justify their cheating.u need to seek a divorce,and custody of the children, and stop giving her money.

  20. We teach others, even spouses, how to treat us.

    Next time she needs gas/food money, tell her you don't have it, she should have come to you when she was paid to tell you her check was short. Her check wasn't short? Then she should have plenty for necessities because you know she wouldn't blow it on fun before paying her bills. Then don't discuss it anymore. Tell her if her check was the usual amount, she should have plenty of gas/food money and if she wants to provide more information, she needs to do so, otherwise you have to assume she actually has enough.

    Tell her if you go to counseling it will be to repair your marriage. If she just wants to play games, you will not go to counseling with her.

    Tell her you will no longer watch the kids in the evening unless she has to work and you will be calling her work to find out if she's there if that's the case, that while your marriage is in limbo you are not working as her babysitter.

    Tell her if you move out you will need $X for a furnished apartment since you cannot buy all new dishes, silverware,furniture, whatever and don't want to leave her and the kids short of supplies. After paying that and your food and gas you will try to give her money after that and you will take the kids on a schedule, too until the court assigns custody and child support. Any other bills for the house, she will have to pay if she wants you out.

    Tell her you've scheduled a dinner out for you, her, and the kids to celebrate her birthday and you'd like to have a family celebration for it, that you will be there and will bring the kids, and if she declines, she is missing her own birthday party in front of the kids.

    Give her until next Friday when you get home from work to say exactly what she wants to do.

    She will keep jerking you around until you grow some cajones and make it very clear what you will and will not accept at this point.

    If she cries and whines about you not showing her affection, doing your share, or whatever, tell her that's an interesting diversion from the topic at hand, but that right now you are talking about her behavior and the fact that your marriage is limbo. If she wants to go to counseling to try to save the marriage, you will also get real about what you may have done to contribute to the situation your marriage is in, but you are not going to discuss it with her at home only to have her throw out red herrings that have nothing to do with the situation.

    Yes, I think she is at least partying with if not ******* other guys and she wants to go out and whine about her marriage while not doing anything to make it better. For your own well being, you can't put up with that.  Either she gets real and stops lying or you won't be around for her.

    When she whines and screams at you, study her facial expression. You will probably get some cues as to how much of her hysteria is histrionics meant to make you feel sorry for her and how much is her upset (though you have to question how much of her upset is that she's made to be accountable for her actions.


  21. a ya dude you are being used big time kick her azz to the curb get you a good woman

  22. my advice:

    divorce.

    you sound miserable.

    take the kids with you she doesn't deserve them.

    sorry.

  23. Go directly to a lawyer. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

  24. Unfortunately some of us can be evil creatures but guess what....it's not until those evil creatures realizes that when the well runs dry it'll be too late. get out while you can and GOD BLESS, you sound like a good guy.

  25. First of all, sorry to hear you're going through this.  

    In answer to your question, yes, she's using you.  The rest of this is not going to be nice because you need the unpolished, unvarnished truth, and a jolt to wake you up out of this comatose, sleep-walking nightmare you're trying to hold together as a marriage.  She has not been nice to you for a long time...you don't owe her anything at this point.

    And why should you be the one moving?

    While every story has two sides, I suspect you are just not the bad guy in all this.  

    If she's been doing this for six years, you've allowed her to stomp on you for five years too long.

    I would allow the first year after it started to attempt counseling, reconciliation, etc. due to having kids involved.  But, the rest of the time...sigh...I guess we can assume you were simply hoping this was a phase that would come to an end and clearly has not.

    You need to kick her lying, cheating, manipulative, disrespectful rear end out of your home, and let her fend for herself.  

    Why should your kids be deprived of the parent who is actually parenting, and left in the hands of someone who uses her free time to ho around with internet guys and go out on dates with people other than her husband instead of spending time on her family?

    Get your head out of your rear, stop being a mouse, and stand up and be a man.

    Grow some kahunas guy...you, and your kids deserve better.

    Being supportive is fine.  Being a doormat is not.

    Stop letting her wipe her feet on you as she enters and exits.

    Go get a lawyer, and set things in motion to keep your house, keep your kids, and let hoochie mama pay child support  Be smart about it, because based on everything you've said, she's a user, and she will take you for everything she can given the chance.

    Show your children how to make tough decisions and better choices.  Set the example they will need to be able to have healthy relationships in their lives.  Do you really want them seeing her behavior as an acceptable way to treat someone you love?  You guys are the only example they have, you know.

    Best of luck to you.

  26. I hate to say this, but all the signs of infidelity are here.    

  27. LEAVE NOW  

  28. and why the heck are you questioning when the answer is obvious?????

    How about you kick your adultress wife out of the house, file for divorce and get custody.

    Obvious reasons

    *Meeting online.

    *wants a divorce

    *Does not want to be commit in relationship/marriage.

    *Can not raise children at the same time partying like a 21 year old.

    List goes on.

  29. You're being used.  

    Definitely move out before next weekend.

  30. you already know the answer to your question...you said it yourself...you are tired of the lies...move out...do not let her talk you into anything..just pack and move...move on with your life

  31. i would tell HER to leave... she has no respect for you, and she most certainly doesnt love you.. you say you have kids, you owe it to them, show them that its not okay for people to treat others like this!!

    you can do better than her!!

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 31 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.
Unanswered Questions